I need help - struggling to cope after losing my mum. How do you get past those very upsetting and haunting moments?

I have recently lost my mum through cancer. I was diagnosed with grade 3 borderline 4 breast cancer and then a year later my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer, no primary known. She was my life, my world and my best friend. I cared for her at home in her last months and we were promised they would be able to keep her pain under control and she would be comfortable. This wasn’t the case.

before things got too bad, In her time alone she tried to kill herself as she felt things were going downhill for her and she didn’t want us seeing her like that and caring for her and she didn’t want it for herself. This failed and only made things worse. 

My mum died at home with us all around her but it was far from a peaceful death. It was horrendous and no matter what I do I can’t get it out of my head. I try to think of the good times but her last moments haunt me how do you ever get past something like that with someone you love so much. My life has stopped. I can’t function. And on top of it I try and be there for my dad who has lost his wife of 51yrs. 

i just don’t know how long I can keep going. You keep fighting after your own cancer and are weak and then loose your mum and your everything and every last bit of fight is drained out of you. 

Parents
  • Hi Jeffries, I just came across your post and wanted to let you know how sorry I am to hear about your mum. 

    I can't begin to imagine how upsetting and traumatic it must have been to find out what your mum tried to do whilst you were caring for her, and that she wasn't able to pass away peacefully. You have been through so much Jeffries that it's only natural to find your life coming to a stop whilst you try to navigate your way through all of this and even though it may not seem like it right now, you will find a way, and you've taken the first step in doing so by reaching out for help.

    We have some information on our website about coping with grief but as you've mentioned you're not sure how long you can keep going, we would suggest seeking out professional support either through your GP who can let you know about support services in your local area or through bereavement charities such as Cruse and/or Sue Ryder. Both of these charities are there to help people who are struggling and offer lots of information and advice on how to cope with losing someone so close to you.

    As it's Christmas you may not hear back from our members right away, but hopefully some of them will pick up on your post soon and will stop by to offer you their support and advice

    We are here for you Jeffries and are sending all our strength and support to you at this very difficult time.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Reply
  • Hi Jeffries, I just came across your post and wanted to let you know how sorry I am to hear about your mum. 

    I can't begin to imagine how upsetting and traumatic it must have been to find out what your mum tried to do whilst you were caring for her, and that she wasn't able to pass away peacefully. You have been through so much Jeffries that it's only natural to find your life coming to a stop whilst you try to navigate your way through all of this and even though it may not seem like it right now, you will find a way, and you've taken the first step in doing so by reaching out for help.

    We have some information on our website about coping with grief but as you've mentioned you're not sure how long you can keep going, we would suggest seeking out professional support either through your GP who can let you know about support services in your local area or through bereavement charities such as Cruse and/or Sue Ryder. Both of these charities are there to help people who are struggling and offer lots of information and advice on how to cope with losing someone so close to you.

    As it's Christmas you may not hear back from our members right away, but hopefully some of them will pick up on your post soon and will stop by to offer you their support and advice

    We are here for you Jeffries and are sending all our strength and support to you at this very difficult time.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Children
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