Hi Jeffries, I just came across your post and wanted to let you know how sorry I am to hear about your mum. 

I can't begin to imagine how upsetting and traumatic it must have been to find out what your mum tried to do whilst you were caring for her, and that she wasn't able to pass away peacefully. You have been through so much Jeffries that it's only natural to find your life coming to a stop whilst you try to navigate your way through all of this and even though it may not seem like it right now, you will find a way, and you've taken the first step in doing so by reaching out for help.

We have some information on our website about coping with grief but as you've mentioned you're not sure how long you can keep going, we would suggest seeking out professional support either through your GP who can let you know about support services in your local area or through bereavement charities such as Cruse and/or Sue Ryder. Both of these charities are there to help people who are struggling and offer lots of information and advice on how to cope with losing someone so close to you.

As it's Christmas you may not hear back from our members right away, but hopefully some of them will pick up on your post soon and will stop by to offer you their support and advice

We are here for you Jeffries and are sending all our strength and support to you at this very difficult time.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hello Jeffries82.  I have not been on cancer chat for a while, but I read your post a while ago and I felt compelled to reach out to you.  I nursed my Mum when she was dying of cancer and it is horrendous, as you know.  It was almost 30 years ago, but it seems like it was yesterday.  You have a huge load on your shoulders right now.........you are struggling with your own grief and you are also trying to be strong for your grieving Father, and to add to all that, you have cancer yourself.  Have you considered some type of counselling?  Your GP could help you with that.  I think that more than anything else, you desperately need someone to talk to.  In time, those haunting memories of your Mother's last days and moments will fade in to the background.  I am not saying that you will forget it (you won't), but you will be able to cope with it.  I guess what I am saying is that you will become stronger, even though it might not feel that way right now.  The human spirit has an incredible instinct for survival, and you will find a strength that you never knew you had.  Take one step and one day at a time Jeffries.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.  

Hi,

Your post struck a chord with me, because my Mum died of pancreatic cancer without my knowing that she even had cancer. I wish she'd told me, but in the same way your Mum didn't want you to see her pain, mine didn't want to cloud my happiness. I met, married and had children with a lovely girl, and never had any idea of my Mum's cancer. She was cared for at home by MacMillan nurses, and was on morphine at the end, but I am haunted that she died without me there. It must have been heartbreaking for you, but you were there for your Mum. Feel proud of that. The sadness never leaves you (why should it?) but it dulls with time, and remembering what you loved about her helps. I have prostate cancer myself, and am glad I didn't have to fight it during my grief. Stay strong for yourself and your dad, but look after yourself, you matter.