I lost my mum so young, and now I’m angry

My mum died last Wednesday, after only knowing about her cancer for a week. She was only 50 and I'm 32. She leaves behind 2 grandchildren who loved her so so much. Honestly, if they wernt here I'd of taken my own life and the guilt of that is also upsetting. 
my mum was my best friend, my right arm, I turned to her for everything. Not having her here is unbearable. I know it's early days but I've now to the point where I only cry at night times or when something reminds me of her il kind of strain for tears but they don't come. I hope she's not thinking I don't care. 
im angry because why is my mum not here at 50 years old?! My kids should of had their grandma for at least another 20-30 years. It eats me alive. The guilt of not listening to her when she told me she didn't feel well, always telling her she's paranoid. "Just ring the doctors"....what use they are....NONE! I'd do anything to have her back. We were meant to go to the cinema and out for dinner this week....instead I'm planning her funeral. Life is so unfair. The guilt is unreal, the pain is unreal. I love my mum so much 

Parents
  • Hi there,

    My heart completely goes out to you and I'm so sorry for your loss. I know nothing I say will take away the fact you are hurting from this but a lot of us can relate with losing your Mum at such a young age. I only lost my Mum yesterday after finding out a few weeks ago she had cancer (she was 59 I'm 25), lord knows I completely agree with your feelings of anger, our Mums should still be here and I feel envious of other people who still have their parents. 
     

    I won't pretend that I know how you feel with your 2 kids losing their grandma but I think it is a blessing that she could meet them and make memories with them as something that is personally eating me up is the fact my Mum will never get to meet her future grandchildren. 
     

    Everyone grieves differently so I hope you are gentle with yourself when you say you strain for tears. From what you've said, it sounds like you had such a special relationship with your Mum which is so warming. I can't imagine how much is on your shoulders at the moment so please just take things easy if you can. Feel free to send me a message if you ever want to rant or just have a virtual shoulder to cry on because I can relate and hate to know that you have had bad thoughts as a result of what's happened. Take care,

    Jess x 

Reply
  • Hi there,

    My heart completely goes out to you and I'm so sorry for your loss. I know nothing I say will take away the fact you are hurting from this but a lot of us can relate with losing your Mum at such a young age. I only lost my Mum yesterday after finding out a few weeks ago she had cancer (she was 59 I'm 25), lord knows I completely agree with your feelings of anger, our Mums should still be here and I feel envious of other people who still have their parents. 
     

    I won't pretend that I know how you feel with your 2 kids losing their grandma but I think it is a blessing that she could meet them and make memories with them as something that is personally eating me up is the fact my Mum will never get to meet her future grandchildren. 
     

    Everyone grieves differently so I hope you are gentle with yourself when you say you strain for tears. From what you've said, it sounds like you had such a special relationship with your Mum which is so warming. I can't imagine how much is on your shoulders at the moment so please just take things easy if you can. Feel free to send me a message if you ever want to rant or just have a virtual shoulder to cry on because I can relate and hate to know that you have had bad thoughts as a result of what's happened. Take care,

    Jess x 

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