I lost my mum so young, and now I’m angry

My mum died last Wednesday, after only knowing about her cancer for a week. She was only 50 and I'm 32. She leaves behind 2 grandchildren who loved her so so much. Honestly, if they wernt here I'd of taken my own life and the guilt of that is also upsetting. 
my mum was my best friend, my right arm, I turned to her for everything. Not having her here is unbearable. I know it's early days but I've now to the point where I only cry at night times or when something reminds me of her il kind of strain for tears but they don't come. I hope she's not thinking I don't care. 
im angry because why is my mum not here at 50 years old?! My kids should of had their grandma for at least another 20-30 years. It eats me alive. The guilt of not listening to her when she told me she didn't feel well, always telling her she's paranoid. "Just ring the doctors"....what use they are....NONE! I'd do anything to have her back. We were meant to go to the cinema and out for dinner this week....instead I'm planning her funeral. Life is so unfair. The guilt is unreal, the pain is unreal. I love my mum so much 

Parents
  • I feel your pain l lost my mum 5 weeks ago, l have felt her loss especially when something happens and l would have told her, her house being empty feels so sad. The job of emptying and sorting is very much being left to me by my two  brothers the younger one has gone to pieces, the elder one just said l don't want anything. 
    My husband has been awful really hard to live with lve had to walk away at times , he had issues with mum over her unkind behaviour when she wrote her will,  giving the house and most of the money to My younger brother she said the rest of us didn't need it. my daughter has been really upset she was close to mum the funeral was yesterday lm hoping things will be easier now. 

    l do hope you feel better soon, do you have any friends around you that can help with all that's needed at the moment? Have you thought of ringing a bereavement centre,  l was helped when l had a late miscarriage. Macmillan is also there or your doctor. 
    thinking of you and sending a huge hug 

    susie

     

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  • I feel your pain l lost my mum 5 weeks ago, l have felt her loss especially when something happens and l would have told her, her house being empty feels so sad. The job of emptying and sorting is very much being left to me by my two  brothers the younger one has gone to pieces, the elder one just said l don't want anything. 
    My husband has been awful really hard to live with lve had to walk away at times , he had issues with mum over her unkind behaviour when she wrote her will,  giving the house and most of the money to My younger brother she said the rest of us didn't need it. my daughter has been really upset she was close to mum the funeral was yesterday lm hoping things will be easier now. 

    l do hope you feel better soon, do you have any friends around you that can help with all that's needed at the moment? Have you thought of ringing a bereavement centre,  l was helped when l had a late miscarriage. Macmillan is also there or your doctor. 
    thinking of you and sending a huge hug 

    susie

     

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