I lost my mum so young, and now I’m angry

My mum died last Wednesday, after only knowing about her cancer for a week. She was only 50 and I'm 32. She leaves behind 2 grandchildren who loved her so so much. Honestly, if they wernt here I'd of taken my own life and the guilt of that is also upsetting. 
my mum was my best friend, my right arm, I turned to her for everything. Not having her here is unbearable. I know it's early days but I've now to the point where I only cry at night times or when something reminds me of her il kind of strain for tears but they don't come. I hope she's not thinking I don't care. 
im angry because why is my mum not here at 50 years old?! My kids should of had their grandma for at least another 20-30 years. It eats me alive. The guilt of not listening to her when she told me she didn't feel well, always telling her she's paranoid. "Just ring the doctors"....what use they are....NONE! I'd do anything to have her back. We were meant to go to the cinema and out for dinner this week....instead I'm planning her funeral. Life is so unfair. The guilt is unreal, the pain is unreal. I love my mum so much 

Parents
  • Hi there,

    im so sorry to hear about your beautiful mom. I lost my mom in December 2021 when i was 26 and it never gets easier. I find myself still very very bitter and angry, i blame a lot of people for her death. she was only 56. She was my absolute best friend. I recently also just had a daugther who is 3 months old, and i am now 28, and it hurts so so badly that she will never get to meet her sweet grandaughter. Your thoughts and feelings are completely valid, and always will be. I am 17 months down the line and still find every day extremely difficult, and i am also an only child so dont have any other siblings to share the grief with. Please reach out if you need to vent or chat, about anything. Be kind to yourself and give yourselt time also, we tend to neglect ourselves over our feelings of guilt and grief. 

    sending lots of love to you.

    Tee xx

Reply
  • Hi there,

    im so sorry to hear about your beautiful mom. I lost my mom in December 2021 when i was 26 and it never gets easier. I find myself still very very bitter and angry, i blame a lot of people for her death. she was only 56. She was my absolute best friend. I recently also just had a daugther who is 3 months old, and i am now 28, and it hurts so so badly that she will never get to meet her sweet grandaughter. Your thoughts and feelings are completely valid, and always will be. I am 17 months down the line and still find every day extremely difficult, and i am also an only child so dont have any other siblings to share the grief with. Please reach out if you need to vent or chat, about anything. Be kind to yourself and give yourselt time also, we tend to neglect ourselves over our feelings of guilt and grief. 

    sending lots of love to you.

    Tee xx

Children
No Data