Welcome to Cancer Chat missmum23 although I'm so sorry about your mum. I can't begin to imagine what you must be going through right now but I want you to know our community are here for you and I'm sure you will receive a lot of support and advice from our members soon.

I can see you've mentioned that you've had some rather upsetting thoughts that you're feeling guilty about. Given that you've just lost your mum in a rather sudden and unexpected way it's completely understandable, and natural, to be contending with some dark thoughts at this time, but if they continue to appear or you feel you're unable to manage them, do be sure to reach out for support. You could do this through your GP or bereavement charities such as CRUSE or Sue Ryder, the latter of which has an online community just like ours where you can connect with others who have also experienced the sudden loss of a parent.

Coping with grief is so tough but you are not alone missmum23 and I hope knowing this will give you some strength and comfort as you start to move forward. For now, try to take things one day at a time and be kind to yourself on this very challenging journey.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

I'm so very sorry for your loss. My mum died last Thursday, age 61 - I'm 30. We had less than six weeks between diagnosis and her passing. It's just not enough time. Not enough time to digest and not enough time with our mums.

Please don't feel guilty for not crying, it's so raw right now your body will be trying to protect you. Your mum won't be angry. You know how much you love her and she knew that too.

The only I've found gives me comfort at the moment is talking out loud to my mum and knowing what she would say. My dad died a few years ago too and my mum was always telling me to be kind to myself, and I'm sure that's what she would be saying to me now.

I feel your pain l lost my mum 5 weeks ago, l have felt her loss especially when something happens and l would have told her, her house being empty feels so sad. The job of emptying and sorting is very much being left to me by my two  brothers the younger one has gone to pieces, the elder one just said l don't want anything. 
My husband has been awful really hard to live with lve had to walk away at times , he had issues with mum over her unkind behaviour when she wrote her will,  giving the house and most of the money to My younger brother she said the rest of us didn't need it. my daughter has been really upset she was close to mum the funeral was yesterday lm hoping things will be easier now. 

l do hope you feel better soon, do you have any friends around you that can help with all that's needed at the moment? Have you thought of ringing a bereavement centre,  l was helped when l had a late miscarriage. Macmillan is also there or your doctor. 
thinking of you and sending a huge hug 

susie

 

Hi there,

im so sorry to hear about your poor mum may she rest in peace. This loss is such a difficult one and it's one that not many understand the magnitude of until they go through it. She would be so proud of you and is looking down on you. I too lost my mum to cancer a few months ago I am 21. As you said, the pain is unbearable at times. It may not ever make sense or seem fair but unfortunately this is one of the cards we have been dealt and the only way forward is to live and make decisions with her guiding you. She is still with you and a mothers love is stronger than what death can take away. 
 

sending love 

Hi there,

im so sorry to hear about your beautiful mom. I lost my mom in December 2021 when i was 26 and it never gets easier. I find myself still very very bitter and angry, i blame a lot of people for her death. she was only 56. She was my absolute best friend. I recently also just had a daugther who is 3 months old, and i am now 28, and it hurts so so badly that she will never get to meet her sweet grandaughter. Your thoughts and feelings are completely valid, and always will be. I am 17 months down the line and still find every day extremely difficult, and i am also an only child so dont have any other siblings to share the grief with. Please reach out if you need to vent or chat, about anything. Be kind to yourself and give yourselt time also, we tend to neglect ourselves over our feelings of guilt and grief. 

sending lots of love to you.

Tee xx

Hi there,

My heart completely goes out to you and I'm so sorry for your loss. I know nothing I say will take away the fact you are hurting from this but a lot of us can relate with losing your Mum at such a young age. I only lost my Mum yesterday after finding out a few weeks ago she had cancer (she was 59 I'm 25), lord knows I completely agree with your feelings of anger, our Mums should still be here and I feel envious of other people who still have their parents. 
 

I won't pretend that I know how you feel with your 2 kids losing their grandma but I think it is a blessing that she could meet them and make memories with them as something that is personally eating me up is the fact my Mum will never get to meet her future grandchildren. 
 

Everyone grieves differently so I hope you are gentle with yourself when you say you strain for tears. From what you've said, it sounds like you had such a special relationship with your Mum which is so warming. I can't imagine how much is on your shoulders at the moment so please just take things easy if you can. Feel free to send me a message if you ever want to rant or just have a virtual shoulder to cry on because I can relate and hate to know that you have had bad thoughts as a result of what's happened. Take care,

Jess x