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Don't know how to cope with my dad dying soon

Xureli
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My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer end of last year. Initially they thought he would have some years but his cancer has spread rapidly and I don't think he will make the end of April.

 

I have only just turned 20 and I am so heartbroken. I am so angry at the world that I am going to lose him so soon. I don't know how to cope without him. I feel like I have been living partially in denial and then it all hits me at once and I get overwhelmed. I guess now is one of those moments.

 

It's like I have been mourning him before he has gone which is difficult to balance with also being there for him 24/7. Cancer has completely taken away my dad - from his appearance to his usual happy joking self :( I want the old him back more than anything in this world.

 

I am sure this has all been said before on this forum and I am not 100% sure why I am writing this. I just think I need to let it out and would appreciate some comments from those who have been through this before. I have never grieved anyone close to me so I am not sure what to do or what to expect. I have support from those around me and I am gradually accepting that the time is coming sooner rather than later, but I am still not ready for it. I never will be. It is also hard as he has not accepted it yet but is beginning to. He thought he would be going abroad this summer with me but I think with the drastically reduced mobility and hospice referral he has realised he won't make it to then. I just hope he finds some peace with it before he passes. 

Parents
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    I was sorry to hear your father is so ill and that it is unlikely he can come with you abroad this summer. Cancer can be very brutal. It killed a friend of mine and I won't get over it. All I could do was raise money for research into the kind of cancer she had (ovarian) so that in future perhaps it is more treatable.

    My father lived to 95 and I can sadly tell you there's never a good time for your father to die. I found it horrible seeing him in hospital and I would love to be able to ring him and visit him. 

    He had a good life, that's what I celebrate now, not the way he died after a long time in hospital. He loved me and I loved him. That's what I now am comforted by. He died in 2014 on 16th September. I still remember the date. Of course. Rest in peace. 

    I am thinking of you in your grief. 

    AuntieJ

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    I was sorry to hear your father is so ill and that it is unlikely he can come with you abroad this summer. Cancer can be very brutal. It killed a friend of mine and I won't get over it. All I could do was raise money for research into the kind of cancer she had (ovarian) so that in future perhaps it is more treatable.

    My father lived to 95 and I can sadly tell you there's never a good time for your father to die. I found it horrible seeing him in hospital and I would love to be able to ring him and visit him. 

    He had a good life, that's what I celebrate now, not the way he died after a long time in hospital. He loved me and I loved him. That's what I now am comforted by. He died in 2014 on 16th September. I still remember the date. Of course. Rest in peace. 

    I am thinking of you in your grief. 

    AuntieJ

Children
  • Offline in reply to AuntieJ

    I am sorry you are going through this I lost my Dad a month ago and I am told it gets easier in time but I am not there yet.

    Spend as much time with your Dad as you can, tell him you love him and how much he has taught you. Play his favourite music and give him his favourite foods if he can eat. I wish I'd spent more time talking to my Dad but I was exhausted in the midst of caring and I couldn't think straight so advice you to learn from my experience. Sending love to you.

  • Offline in reply to EliseIris

    Dad passed away, very, very peacefully this month.

     

    The sadness really does come in waves. It still does not feel real and I feel as if it never will. You can try to prepare yourself for the pain of losing your father but it is not possible in whole. The pain is so deep. 

     

    I will be okay. We all will. Just wish I could give him one last cuddle. :sad:

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