My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer end of last year. Initially they thought he would have some years but his cancer has spread rapidly and I don't think he will make the end of April.

I have only just turned 20 and I am so heartbroken. I am so angry at the world that I am going to lose him so soon. I don't know how to cope without him. I feel like I have been living partially in denial and then it all hits me at once and I get overwhelmed. I guess now is one of those moments.

It's like I have been mourning him before he has gone which is difficult to balance with also being there for him 24/7. Cancer has completely taken away my dad - from his appearance to his usual happy joking self :( I want the old him back more than anything in this world.

I am sure this has all been said before on this forum and I am not 100% sure why I am writing this. I just think I need to let it out and would appreciate some comments from those who have been through this before. I have never grieved anyone close to me so I am not sure what to do or what to expect. I have support from those around me and I am gradually accepting that the time is coming sooner rather than later, but I am still not ready for it. I never will be. It is also hard as he has not accepted it yet but is beginning to. He thought he would be going abroad this summer with me but I think with the drastically reduced mobility and hospice referral he has realised he won't make it to then. I just hope he finds some peace with it before he passes.