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Don't know how to cope with my dad dying soon

Xureli
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My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer end of last year. Initially they thought he would have some years but his cancer has spread rapidly and I don't think he will make the end of April.

 

I have only just turned 20 and I am so heartbroken. I am so angry at the world that I am going to lose him so soon. I don't know how to cope without him. I feel like I have been living partially in denial and then it all hits me at once and I get overwhelmed. I guess now is one of those moments.

 

It's like I have been mourning him before he has gone which is difficult to balance with also being there for him 24/7. Cancer has completely taken away my dad - from his appearance to his usual happy joking self :( I want the old him back more than anything in this world.

 

I am sure this has all been said before on this forum and I am not 100% sure why I am writing this. I just think I need to let it out and would appreciate some comments from those who have been through this before. I have never grieved anyone close to me so I am not sure what to do or what to expect. I have support from those around me and I am gradually accepting that the time is coming sooner rather than later, but I am still not ready for it. I never will be. It is also hard as he has not accepted it yet but is beginning to. He thought he would be going abroad this summer with me but I think with the drastically reduced mobility and hospice referral he has realised he won't make it to then. I just hope he finds some peace with it before he passes. 

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    My lovely dad passed away 5 days ago from horrible mesothelioma. It's a pain I've never felt before and has me feeling absolutely devastated. Cancer took everything from my dad and us. He lost that fun sense of humor. He couldn't go to the bathroom without my mum's assistance. He was miserable. Once he passed I try to hold onto the fact he isn't suffering anymore, but I can't stand the thought of him gone. Even though I'm married and have children, and still have my mum, I feel lost and lonely. Life feels as if it now has a huge hole in it and I feel it's changed me forever. I'm sorry you're going though this. It's the hardest thing you'll ever go through and I give you and your family my best wishes. I'm sorry I don't have more uplifting advice, but I'm suffering now and hope eventually I'll be at peace with things. God bless.

  • Offline in reply to Yobbo

    Thank you for your well wishes. I am sorry to hear that and I hope things get easier over time. The nature of the illness is so evil. It takes everything and it can do so, so quickly. I think that's what hurts on top of everything... The shock of it all happening so fast. It's always those that don't deserve it that have to endure these things. From reading on here I see people recommend Cruse. I'm going to try their live chat option for some advice from grieving counsellors. Here's a link in case it's something you'd like to try: https://www.cruse.org.uk/

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  • Offline in reply to Yobbo

    Thank you for your well wishes. I am sorry to hear that and I hope things get easier over time. The nature of the illness is so evil. It takes everything and it can do so, so quickly. I think that's what hurts on top of everything... The shock of it all happening so fast. It's always those that don't deserve it that have to endure these things. From reading on here I see people recommend Cruse. I'm going to try their live chat option for some advice from grieving counsellors. Here's a link in case it's something you'd like to try: https://www.cruse.org.uk/

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