Hi James 

I am very so sorry to hear about your loss. In my case I will be the other part. Long story short, I am not sure whether I will be here to see my little girl to go school first time in September. You are very right about other people's understanding. This is a type of pain and hurt that is hard to phantom unless you go through it. 

My main worry is my husband and daughter's mental health and I am looking for a grief Councillor now and I was wondering is that something you would be able to afford right now? I understand it won't magically heal away everything but probably will help you to process it properly. After all, you are the only person for your daughter and I am sure lovely Kay would have want you to be your best self (given circumstances) for the sake of your daughter. 

Best wishes 

I know as a society we state "things get easier", but the truth is until you're in that position, loss is a very individual thing. More so the loss of a kid or partner.

I lost someone close to me years and years ago, and it has never gotten easier. The loss still plays on my mind the same way it did 5 mins after the person passing. You learn to douse those emotions and lock them away for longer periods of time, but they resurface.

I think the point I'm trying to make, don't beat yourself up just because others tell you things get easier. You feel how you feel.

Hello, I was moved by your post. My husband is terminally ill and I have two young children. I know your daughter must bring great joy and reason to carry on. And I know that you continue to do that for Kay. But I also guess that grief has been difficult inbetween work, caring for such a young child, protecting others, swallowing your emotions etc. I am not the expert on this but I imagine two years is a particularly difficult moment in the process. People are probably no longer checking in. There may be pressure to move on. But you have to do it your way. When I am in your position now, I imagine I will benefit from attending groups with other bereaved people. It doesn't have to be therapy but could be social groups. Organisations that bring dads together might be particularly helpful. I think Meet-Up is a good place to start looking. And I have just been reading about something called The Loss Foundation that has online sessions as well as face-to-face and social events like a comedy night. 
Thinking of you. 

Thank you so much for your reply. I'm so sorry to hear about your husband, anytime you'd like to talk please feel free. 

I've read a few responses and although I know the pain and memories will never go, it's good to know there's continued support out there through all scenarios without sounding insensitive. I've also got 3 other children from a previous marriage who don't see there mum, and Kay was the brightness and new start which makes it hard for me even more so. I struggle to hide emotions and feel I've got to hide away from them because I don't want negativity seen by my older children so this amongst other reasons is why I e reached out on here. I have no family myself so I find it hard to talk about me and put myself first and I'm genuinely grateful for your response.