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Can't stop thinking about my Mum's painful death

Ciaomary
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My Mum died recently. Cancer had spread to her lungs and her treatment was withdrawn. Within a month she was dead. She was in so much pain for the last 3 weeks of her life. 

I keep getting flashbacks to her last day. She was on sp much pain. She was in a hospice but it was overnight and staff took so long to top her pain relief. Over an hour and a half at one point. She was throwing herself out of bed trying to get away. I had to physically restrain her. I don't know how she had the strength. She was drenched in sweat, in clear unmanageable pain. She didn't die with dignity and it haunts me. I don't know if I can cope with the intrusive memories for much longer.

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    Hi Ciaomary,

    Sorry to hear this.

    I lost my parents when I was 19 and 23 (I'm 37 now). My mother's death was similar, she had terminal cancer and was in a lot of pain. This will sound like such a cliche and I remember it being that way for me at the time, but things will get better. I am at a point now, and have been for many years, where I am at peace with her death, so there is hope.

    I remember feeling absolute despair, guilt and having terrible thoughts and dreams after her death. I would sometimes seek out feelings of despair as they gave me comfort in a strange way. I would allow yourself to feel whatever you feel and not put any pressure on yourself as to how you should be feeling. Grieving really is a process, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. You will begin to feel better and learn to live with the loss.

    I would recommend Cruse, Breathing Space and Samaratins as a source of support, as well as your gp and family and friends. Talking things through with people who have shared trauma experience can be really helpful.

    I'm sorry for your loss and hope you can find comfort.

     

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    Hi Ciaomary,

    Sorry to hear this.

    I lost my parents when I was 19 and 23 (I'm 37 now). My mother's death was similar, she had terminal cancer and was in a lot of pain. This will sound like such a cliche and I remember it being that way for me at the time, but things will get better. I am at a point now, and have been for many years, where I am at peace with her death, so there is hope.

    I remember feeling absolute despair, guilt and having terrible thoughts and dreams after her death. I would sometimes seek out feelings of despair as they gave me comfort in a strange way. I would allow yourself to feel whatever you feel and not put any pressure on yourself as to how you should be feeling. Grieving really is a process, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. You will begin to feel better and learn to live with the loss.

    I would recommend Cruse, Breathing Space and Samaratins as a source of support, as well as your gp and family and friends. Talking things through with people who have shared trauma experience can be really helpful.

    I'm sorry for your loss and hope you can find comfort.

     

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