Hi Ciaomary

I'm so so sorry for the loss of your Mum. It's so unbelievably difficult.

I wanted to write to you as your post really resonated with me. My Mum died in December last year so I've just had the 1 year anniversary which I can't quite believe is possible to be honest. 
 

So much of what you say I can relate to with what happened to my Mum in the hospice. The pain, the agitation, wanting to get out of bed and having to physically restrain. It's heartbreaking and I really feel your distress. I won't lie to you, after my Mum passed I was very much haunted by so many flashbacks and I still find it incredibly difficult to think about the things she endured. What I would say though is that the intensity is now much less and I get them less frequently. I find that they come and then if I do some breathing and sit with it - they pass. I had some counselling through the hospice my Mum was in - could that be an option for you? I found talking through the thoughts in my head was really helpful. 
 

I read that when we are in a stressful situation seeing things we've never seen before our brains don't quite know what to do with the images so they kind of bounce around whilst they figure out where to go. I found that kind of helpful to understand what was going on and made me feel less like I was losing my mind in all honesty .
 

You are at such an early stage at the moment and have difficult days ahead but it does get easier. You become more used to how you feel and I think can recognise when those 'waves' come. On here you're never alone so anytime you need to chat or vent or talk about the things you're experience there's always someone on here who knows exactly what you're going through. 
 

Be kind to yourself.KT 

Hi Ciaomary

I'm so so sorry for the loss of your Mum. It's so unbelievably difficult.

I wanted to write to you as your post really resonated with me. My Mum died in December last year so I've just had the 1 year anniversary which I can't quite believe is possible to be honest. 
 

So much of what you say I can relate to with what happened to my Mum in the hospice. The pain, the agitation, wanting to get out of bed and having to physically restrain. It's heartbreaking and I really feel your distress. I won't lie to you, after my Mum passed I was very much haunted by so many flashbacks and I still find it incredibly difficult to think about the things she endured. What I would say though is that the intensity is now much less and I get them less frequently. I find that they come and then if I do some breathing and sit with it - they pass. I had some counselling through the hospice my Mum was in - could that be an option for you? I found talking through the thoughts in my head was really helpful. 
 

I read that when we are in a stressful situation seeing things we've never seen before our brains don't quite know what to do with the images so they kind of bounce around whilst they figure out where to go. I found that kind of helpful to understand what was going on and made me feel less like I was losing my mind in all honesty .
 

You are at such an early stage at the moment and have difficult days ahead but it does get easier. You become more used to how you feel and I think can recognise when those 'waves' come. On here you're never alone so anytime you need to chat or vent or talk about the things you're experience there's always someone on here who knows exactly what you're going through. 
 

Be kind to yourself.KT