I'm very sorry to hear of your father's death and how covid had robbed you of time together. Cancer does feel like a robber. I know because I lost someone very dear to leukaemia too, my best friend. She got more than half a century less than your father. She seemed so fit before going into hospital. It was so cruel the way leukaemia took her within a few weeks of diagnosis. I never got the chance to say goodbye because of the infection risk and back then there wasn't so much connectivity (we didn't have mobile phones and laptop computers hadn't been invented). 

That doesn't lessen what happened to your dad and I am only telling you this because, sadly, life can be very unfair. I never got or found any answers. I guess I never will.

My grandfathers also both died young. So I understand that aspect too.

Cancer can be very very cruel. 

It is good you had the chance to hold your father's hand. Hold on to all the happy memories you shared together. Hopefully, in time it will get a little easier. But right now when the pain is raw, then everything you are feeling is normal. And it is good to let those feelings out as you have done on here.

Sorry I can't be more helpful. Others might have more helpful coping comments. I just wanted to say how I hear you. And I hear your pain. I really really do. Cancer is such a nasty robber!

Thank you so much for your kind words 

I'm so sorry for your loss. You were close to your dad so you will never "get over it" but cope a bit better each day.

I lost my dad 25 years ago and there isn't a day goes past when I don't think of him. I do remember the raw days and months afterwards when I couldn't think of anything else. 

I have had 2 different cancers in the last 2 years so I greatly feel that cancer sucks. I also lost an old friend (who was a wonderful person and led a healthy life)  to it so it definitely ISN'T fair! She was treated at one of the very best hospitals and had trials from the US and here, but she still couldn't be saved. 

I know it will be difficult - and for a while you will be numb -  but he's still with you in the things he used to say to you - and in a BIG way with your daughter. Remember she has 1/4 of his genes so he lives on in her. 

I send you my very best wishes and deepest sympathy.

Susan

Thank you for your reply... I to have a daughter she is 4 and had just started to get to know grandpa... She always asks is grandpa watching me and looking after me daddy... Always I say... My dad fought so hard for 4 years.to stay with us... I'm. Really struggling to cope, it's effecting my relationship with my wife, I just don't want to be at work, I've lost every ounce of enthusiasm. For anything, dealing with his estate is incredibly difficult, and people. Say these kind words, my friends and family, but I see them as just words and they bring no comfort and I don't know what to do.....