I'm very sorry to hear of your father's death and how covid had robbed you of time together. Cancer does feel like a robber. I know because I lost someone very dear to leukaemia too, my best friend. She got more than half a century less than your father. She seemed so fit before going into hospital. It was so cruel the way leukaemia took her within a few weeks of diagnosis. I never got the chance to say goodbye because of the infection risk and back then there wasn't so much connectivity (we didn't have mobile phones and laptop computers hadn't been invented). 

That doesn't lessen what happened to your dad and I am only telling you this because, sadly, life can be very unfair. I never got or found any answers. I guess I never will.

My grandfathers also both died young. So I understand that aspect too.

Cancer can be very very cruel. 

It is good you had the chance to hold your father's hand. Hold on to all the happy memories you shared together. Hopefully, in time it will get a little easier. But right now when the pain is raw, then everything you are feeling is normal. And it is good to let those feelings out as you have done on here.

Sorry I can't be more helpful. Others might have more helpful coping comments. I just wanted to say how I hear you. And I hear your pain. I really really do. Cancer is such a nasty robber!

Thank you so much for your kind words 

Thank you so much for your kind words