Hi Lynne,

I am so sorry to read about you Dad and the pain you are still feeling. I have only just 5 weeks ago lost my Mum so I am in the very early stages of this nightmare. I can only sympathise with your pain and loss, I know how horrific it is. Please don't be scared to tell people that your still feeling everything as if it were recent, I can understand how grief and the pain we feel can still feel as raw as if they had just gone. Every single person's bereavement and loss is unique to them, there is no right or wrong.

I don't imagine for one minute I will feel any better in a few years time, I loved my Mum with all my heart for 47 years so why would I feel better in a few years. Sometimes I can imagine the pain will be there a lifetime but we become more 'use' to carrying that pain with us. We will always miss them, we will always want to tell them everything, share things with them, include them into our daily lives. There will always be a space in our life/heart where they are missing, this is normal. 

I am here if you need to talk. Take care and know that what you are going through 4 years later is because you loved your Dad so so much and will always love him and naturally with that love comes an immense sadness and loss.

Jane

Hi Chrissy, I had been wondering how you are.  Your words really resonated with me.  My mum has been gone 25 years this november (I was quite young when she died) and I still miss her very much.  Like you I don't have any children, it's just me and my husband, and both of us are very ill, me with stage 4 cancer and my husband with several life-threatening health issues.  I have 2 sisters but I live a long way from them, and I was never that close to them anyway.  You don't 'get over' the loss of your parents.......you somehow get through it, but you are so right.............the pain is there for a lifetime, but what I found is that the rawness and harshness of that pain becomes sort of bearable, if that makes sense.  I have been dreaming of my mum lately, which is somehow very comforting. Anyway mate, enough of my waffling, take care , Violet, xx

Hi Violetgirl,

Thank you for thinking of me, I find coming on here and reading/replying to others is the only real source of true understanding I am getting at the moment, support from people that really sympathise because they KNOW how one another is feeling. I was so sorry to read you lost your Mum 25 years ago and you were obviously much younger than I am now so that is really difficult. I know I am blessed to have had my Mum in my life for 47 years but selfishly I wanted her with me more and more, its never enough. I do believe when you don't have children sometimes our parents fill that gap that children would have. I was able to give my Mum more of my time and we spent so much time together, most of the last 18 years. Like yourself I have 1 sister but we are not close at all, she didn't help my Mum so I only really had my Mum. Its an amazing love that lasts a lifetime isn't it? 25 years since your Mum has been gone but your still missing her so much and thats a credit to the love you shared together. It does make sense about the rawness easing off in time, I'm a long way off that but I can understand that in time the awful overwhelming pain does ease, there are no shortcuts, no easy paths through it. It helps me to know that others have felt my pain and can talk to me 25 years later and say what you have said, honestly thank you. I was thinking I haven't dreamt of my Mum yet and I wish she would be in my dreams so its lovely to know your Mum has appeared in your dreams and what a lovely comfort. I found comfort and supprt from your message and in no way were you waffling, I always waffle on according to my partner so join the club! :) Take care yourself. how are you doing? So sorry that you are diagnosed with stage 4 and your husband is so ill too, your amazing to come on here and find time to support others, I hope we can help you too. Jane xx

Hi Chrissy, thank you for asking, me and my husband are making the most of the time we have together.  Please don't feel that you are selfish for wanting your Mother to have been in your life longer than the 47 years that she was here with you, because the truth is, there is never a 'right' time to lose those we love...........ALL of us want the impossible:  We want our mums here forever.  Like you, I find it comforting to be able to come to this forum and not have to explain how I feel........people that have walked in our shoes or are going through what we once went through know how we feel.  When my mum first died, one of the girls I worked with at the time was honest enough to admit to me that she simply couldn't comprehend how I felt, because she still had her mum, and I told her that it was absolutely fine.......we can not comprehend what we have not experienced ourselves.  You are so right when you say that this journey of grief has no short cuts...........it is a real baptism of fire isn't it?  For quite a long time it doesn't feel quite real.  I remember one time when I was at work, my mum had been gone for about 6 months, and I went to phone her, which was something I had done every day in my dinner break........and the realisation that she was no longer there to answer my call was like someone throwing a bucket of ice over me.  I feel certain that your mum will appear in your dreams at some point, and you know Chrissy, I can still feel my mum's spirit around me, even after all these years.  I firmly believe that the Mother/Child bond is so strong that even death can not break it.  Take care mate, sending virtual hugs, Violet, xx

Hi Chrissy, thank you for asking, me and my husband are making the most of the time we have together.  Please don't feel that you are selfish for wanting your Mother to have been in your life longer than the 47 years that she was here with you, because the truth is, there is never a 'right' time to lose those we love...........ALL of us want the impossible:  We want our mums here forever.  Like you, I find it comforting to be able to come to this forum and not have to explain how I feel........people that have walked in our shoes or are going through what we once went through know how we feel.  When my mum first died, one of the girls I worked with at the time was honest enough to admit to me that she simply couldn't comprehend how I felt, because she still had her mum, and I told her that it was absolutely fine.......we can not comprehend what we have not experienced ourselves.  You are so right when you say that this journey of grief has no short cuts...........it is a real baptism of fire isn't it?  For quite a long time it doesn't feel quite real.  I remember one time when I was at work, my mum had been gone for about 6 months, and I went to phone her, which was something I had done every day in my dinner break........and the realisation that she was no longer there to answer my call was like someone throwing a bucket of ice over me.  I feel certain that your mum will appear in your dreams at some point, and you know Chrissy, I can still feel my mum's spirit around me, even after all these years.  I firmly believe that the Mother/Child bond is so strong that even death can not break it.  Take care mate, sending virtual hugs, Violet, xx