Hi Lou,

We're in the same tugboat, I lost my mum five weeks ago and we cremated her at the beginning of May. I am sorry for your loss and I am sending you lots of hugs, hope and strength for this particular time.

When mum passed away, I was in China (still am, flying out next week thinking I still had time but it wasn't meant to be...) but before she left us - I got to tell her everything and how much I loved her and that she loved me and though it was via Skype and down to this damn COVID pandemic and the various lockdowns, the last time I hugged and kissed her was in 2019 - I still got to say goodbye to her and that was something I am glad that happened.

I am sure you were there for your mum in the last stages of her life and that she knew you loved her dearly and she left this earth knowing this and that she isn't all that far away from you even now. I truly feel that my mum is still around albeit in a different and more spiritual form but I don't feel she has left me. I still feel that she is with me and that she is looking after her family like she said she would.

On the eve of her death, she saw her father (my grandfather) before she left us, her father had died 30 years ago this year and she was living thousands of miles away from him when he left us but she got to see him again and I feel too that I will see mum again one day when it is my turn to leave this mortal coil. I am 50, I probably have another 30 years or so and it will be my turn to go and 30 years isn't a long time in the great scheme of things, if we think back to 30 years ago, it's 1992 - a year I remember like it was last week.

What I have gained from this is that nothing in life is permanent and life is short, even for us, even if we think we have forever to grieve the truth is we don't have all that long as it is. I know my mum told me to be happy once she left and though it's hard at the moment, I will honour her wishes to the best of my abilities in due course and I hope you get to find your happiness too, Lou. It's what your mum who is looking after you now would have wanted, take care.

Hello Lou, I know it's only words, but I truly do understand how you are feeling, and I am sorry for your loss.  When my mum died of cancer, I also felt lost.  For a very long time it didn't seem real.  Like you say, you know that you will somehow get through it, but right now you can't see how.  The mother/child bond is so strong that when we lose our mums, it really does feel like a part of ourselves has died.  Lou, you will never completely get over the loss of your mum, but I PROMISE you that you will get to a point when you have learned to accept that she is no longer here in the physical sense, and you will be able to live your life again. Sadly there are no short-cuts, but eventually you will see your way forward.  Good luck Lou, Violet, xx

Hi Lou,

I am in a very similar situation to you.  My mum died 7 months ago and I am still really struggling, which isn't the most positive thing to tell you, but I too believe I will eventually come through it.  I have heard that the first 2 years are the hardest.

I still live at home, so just with my dad now.  I don't really have friends either, my mum was my best friend and I have never been as close to my dad, although deep down I know he loves me as much as my mum did and I am sure your dad does too.  It is a situation I never expected to find myself in.  My mum was 14 years younger than my dad (only 70) and we always assumed he would go first.  I thought I would have my mum for many years yet.

It is a very lonely time for us, but Carlos is right when he says that life goes by very quickly and that our mums would have wanted us to enjoy the time we have left until we hopefully see them again.

Feel free to PM me any time if you would like to chat to someone.  I find that talking on forums like this helps to ease the loneliness a little, especially if you don't have many people in your life.

Hi lou

Sorry for your loss. I lost mum 4 weeks ago and live close to dad but was closer to mum.

Happy to chat and share thoughts