Hello Claire, saw your post & feel your pain. I lost my mum to bowel cancer last October. Im still struggling, but having counselling. I also have BPD so mentally this has hit me hard. She was my best friend & my everything. I had 24 hours with her before she passed ( it was very sudden ). Myself, my dad & my sister, where all there when she passed. We got to tell her all we wanted to. She even half planned her own funeral. We sprinkled her ashes last week, which was hard. But I also feel a sense of relief, like I've given her, her last wish. I have two children, ones nearly 10 & the other 4 next week. My eldest was so close to his nana & it broke his heart. It broke mine to see him hurting. I didnt take them to the funeral, but I did to the sprinkling of ashes. I gave the boys seed bombs to throw with notes attached.

Anyway I just want you to know that yes its hard, I wanted the world to swallow me up. But I know my mum would want me to live my best life & be strong, especially for my boys. I miss her everyday & still cry most days. But I also think of all the happy times we shared. Il never get over losing her, but I want to make her proud, so thats my focus....." what would mum say/do ".

I truly hope this helps you. I feel your pain as if it was my own. Sending big hugs. Here if you want to talk xxx

Hello Claire, saw your post & feel your pain. I lost my mum to bowel cancer last October. Im still struggling, but having counselling. I also have BPD so mentally this has hit me hard. She was my best friend & my everything. I had 24 hours with her before she passed ( it was very sudden ). Myself, my dad & my sister, where all there when she passed. We got to tell her all we wanted to. She even half planned her own funeral. We sprinkled her ashes last week, which was hard. But I also feel a sense of relief, like I've given her, her last wish. I have two children, ones nearly 10 & the other 4 next week. My eldest was so close to his nana & it broke his heart. It broke mine to see him hurting. I didnt take them to the funeral, but I did to the sprinkling of ashes. I gave the boys seed bombs to throw with notes attached.

Anyway I just want you to know that yes its hard, I wanted the world to swallow me up. But I know my mum would want me to live my best life & be strong, especially for my boys. I miss her everyday & still cry most days. But I also think of all the happy times we shared. Il never get over losing her, but I want to make her proud, so thats my focus....." what would mum say/do ".

I truly hope this helps you. I feel your pain as if it was my own. Sending big hugs. Here if you want to talk xxx