Hi Martin 

I don't use this site to post. I'm one of those who has suffered a cancer loss and who occasionally pops on here to be around those in the know. However, I saw your post and couldn't help but join up and reply. 
I am so very sorry about the loss of your dear wife. It is clear from what you say, that your love for her was immense and she would've known this and felt it as she slipped into the next world. 
I have lost a parent to cancer, not a partner - so although I get the process you are on now, I can't imagine what it's been like for you to watch the lady you love have to go through what she did and for her to be taken so soon after diagnosis. 
I know this must have been incredibly hard for you. You have done so well to return to work and keep going (do you find work helps?)

Getting home to an empty house must be very sore for you. I'm no expert, but might I suggest that you look for bereavement services in your area. An internet search or your GP may be a good place to start. One of the most comforting things is to hear someone say "me too, I know how you feel" and you may well be able to connect with others who are experiencing such grief. 

Talking about your GP...if you do feel unable to cope or it being very difficult to cope with, do consider speaking with your GP as they might be able to suggest something to help. 
 

Do you have any activities you could perhaps take up outside of your working hours? Not to avoid being at home...more so, to give you a break from sitting in and having to go through what you do. For example, going for a drink with colleagues after work? Going for a swim/work out/? Putting some music on and going for a walk?
 

If you do have any friends or family or loved ones, don't be afraid to disclose how you've been feeling as they can be the greatest support. Did you and your wife have children? Do you have any grandkids you can invest your time in? 
 

In my unfortunate experience with cancer loss, I can tell you that as time goes on, it naturally does start to feel better. Of course, you will always love and miss your dear wife but things do get better. 

Losing your wife in the way you did is just devastating, Martin. You must have still been getting used to the fact that she was diagnosed with cancer, never mind that you lost her from it (and the thing that was meant to help). I'm so, so sorry. 
 

This forum is a really good place to hang around (I have for a few years now). I really hope others who are experiencing the same as you will come along soon. 

Take care me love, hang in there. Keep going xx 

(Oh, if you're finding things difficult at work - speak to HR or a trusted manager). 

Hello Martin1962

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your darling wife just a few short months ago. Grief is a natural process but it can be devastating and it's understandable that you're struggling with things as you've described. 

I'm glad that you've reached out to others on the forum for help. There is lots of support available and I'll give you some links further in my reply but firstly I'd really encourage you to talk to your GP. They really will be a good place to start and will be able to offer you some support with how you're feeling. 

I can see that another one of our members has already mentioned bereavement counselling and this is something that I know lots of our members here have found helpful during their journey with grief. Your GP may be able to recommend a local service but I'd also suggest looking at the information on the Cruse website. They're a national charity that can offer bereavement support and many of our members here have had help from them before. 

I also wanted to give you the link to Samaritans. They are available 24/7 365 days a year so even in those darkest moments that you've described, there will be someone on the end of the phone to listen to you. Please reach out to them Martin if you're struggling with thoughts of suicide. 

There may be days when it feels like an eternity since you last saw your wife but it is still early days and there is a lot to cope with your grief. Please be kind to yourself Martin. Talk to those around you. Reach out to her family and friends and lean on them for support. 

You are very welcome to post here on the forum and chat with others who understand the pain that comes with loss. If it helps to have someone safe to offload your thoughts and feelings then please keep doing that here and we will support you as best we can through this difficult time. 

Best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator 

Hi Martin,

Firstly, so sorry of your loss.  Losing your partner is agony, as they are the one person you turn to when things get bad.

I can relate as I lost my partner in October 2021 to cancer.  Danielle was only 38 and passed very suddenly (5 days after receiving the diagnosis).  I think I am still in complete shock, as she had no symptoms until about 4 weeks prior to her passing.  She passed away in my arms at 22:22pm on the 12/10/21 leaving two kids (8 & 4).

I too went back to work, about 4 weeks after her passing which was extremely difficult but I needed distraction from the utter pain I was feeling.  I still have bad days and struggle with the loneliness, even though I have great friends and family, they aren't Danielle...

My only advice I can offer is to keep busy and talk to people about your wife, even if it upsets you.  I still get upset talking about how it all went down and that's ok.  I exercise 4-5 times a week now which I find has really helped my mind from working overdrive too.

I know it's not much and no one can tell you how to grieve, as that is your journey but just know you are not alone.

Stay strong...

Mark

Hi Martin - hope you're doing OK. I can see others have posted with some amazing advice since I dropped you a reply on here. If you can (and you want to), let us know how you are doing xx 

Desperately sorry for your loss, Mark. 

Sorry to read this, Fifa. Thinking of you and your loved ones x