It’s like my dad was never here

Hi, my dad passed away two weeks ago and after a couple of days of upset and crying it feels like it's never happened almost like he was never here at all but a lot of the time I have a physical feeling of weight on my chest. I'm a single mum of two children so I'm not finding much time to cry and grieve I guess, I'm worried that I put it on hold to care for them and now I've shut off from it. My dad had pancreatic cancer, we knew from October it was terminal and he only had 2-4 months to live so have had an adjustment period but helping care for him has also been another distraction. I was with him when he died as were my brother, sister and mum and it was awful, he vomited blood which came out of his nose too and he just jerked and passed. It almost feels like a dream where I can't grasp what happened and it's all a bit hazy. I feel frightened when I think of how I will feel when it all sinks in but I also know I need to 'let it all out' some more as I'm slippping into a kind of numb depression

Parents
  • I'm so sorry for your loss.

    I lost my Dad a couple of months back. He passed relatively quickly and relatively peacefully and, given some of the stories I'd read on here about others who had been through difficult end of life experiences with their loved ones, I was relieved for his sake.

    I dealt with many of the arrangements and sorting out various things afterwards as my Mum wasn't up to it.

    Then there was a Christmas of sorts to plan for - we wanted to be together as a family as he would have wanted.

    In all that time I cried often, but I was surprised at how much I kept it together to do all of those things; I honestly thought I'd completely fall apart, but I think the truth is, I didn't have time to.

    In the last week or two though, I've completely crashed. I feel anxious about all the bad things that could happen, I feel incredibly low, I've had moments where I've cried like I'll never stop, and I'm honestly struggling to get up and keep going each day.

    And I miss my Dad so much and feel sometimes like I can't properly remember him.

    The point is, I've learned that grief doesn't always poleaxe you straight away; it can creep up on you and knock you sideways a bit further down the line.

    I will never stop missing Dad and never stop being sad that he's not with us, but I hope that in time I can find a way to calm myself a bit.

    I hope that for you, too, it becomes easier to deal with. Take care xx

     

Reply
  • I'm so sorry for your loss.

    I lost my Dad a couple of months back. He passed relatively quickly and relatively peacefully and, given some of the stories I'd read on here about others who had been through difficult end of life experiences with their loved ones, I was relieved for his sake.

    I dealt with many of the arrangements and sorting out various things afterwards as my Mum wasn't up to it.

    Then there was a Christmas of sorts to plan for - we wanted to be together as a family as he would have wanted.

    In all that time I cried often, but I was surprised at how much I kept it together to do all of those things; I honestly thought I'd completely fall apart, but I think the truth is, I didn't have time to.

    In the last week or two though, I've completely crashed. I feel anxious about all the bad things that could happen, I feel incredibly low, I've had moments where I've cried like I'll never stop, and I'm honestly struggling to get up and keep going each day.

    And I miss my Dad so much and feel sometimes like I can't properly remember him.

    The point is, I've learned that grief doesn't always poleaxe you straight away; it can creep up on you and knock you sideways a bit further down the line.

    I will never stop missing Dad and never stop being sad that he's not with us, but I hope that in time I can find a way to calm myself a bit.

    I hope that for you, too, it becomes easier to deal with. Take care xx

     

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