I'm so sorry for your loss I do understand and it is normal how you are feeling,I was with my mum when she passed away,also my sister passed away and my dad I was there with all of them when they passed,I I know it's difficult but just think now that he is at peace and not in pain anymore,it's a horrible disease in time you will be fine you never forget but you just learn to live without them x

Thank you for replying, it's all starting to hit home slowly, it's the start of a scary journey isnt it :-( x

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I lost my Dad a couple of months back. He passed relatively quickly and relatively peacefully and, given some of the stories I'd read on here about others who had been through difficult end of life experiences with their loved ones, I was relieved for his sake.

I dealt with many of the arrangements and sorting out various things afterwards as my Mum wasn't up to it.

Then there was a Christmas of sorts to plan for - we wanted to be together as a family as he would have wanted.

In all that time I cried often, but I was surprised at how much I kept it together to do all of those things; I honestly thought I'd completely fall apart, but I think the truth is, I didn't have time to.

In the last week or two though, I've completely crashed. I feel anxious about all the bad things that could happen, I feel incredibly low, I've had moments where I've cried like I'll never stop, and I'm honestly struggling to get up and keep going each day.

And I miss my Dad so much and feel sometimes like I can't properly remember him.

The point is, I've learned that grief doesn't always poleaxe you straight away; it can creep up on you and knock you sideways a bit further down the line.

I will never stop missing Dad and never stop being sad that he's not with us, but I hope that in time I can find a way to calm myself a bit.

I hope that for you, too, it becomes easier to deal with. Take care xx

Hi kate so sorry about your poor  dad .dont worry its your mind protecting you .i think we would go mad if it didnt dont worry  it will come back in dribs and drabs .this i why they say dont make any decisions or plan things .its so early for you yet and the shocks still  there . Just take one day at a time eh keep talking and asking questions on here your with friends who understand  .we have been where you are bless you. Paul

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply. I had a counselling session on Monday and it was identified that I'd experienced trauma from witnessing my dad pass the way he did and that my brain has shut down parts to protect me from going into meltdown, having just made some sense of it all and feeling in a safer space about what's going on I feel much better and the tears are coming more easily which is good I guess x