Hi Paddock

I'm in the same boat as you. My husband was diagnosed with cancer in March last year and in September we were told it was incurable. He's had two courses of chemotherapy which haven't worked. He's just come home from hospital after 10 days after developing blood clots on his lungs and an infection. He's in a lot of pain so they are going to give him radiotherapy starting next week. Like you I am very scared at how quickly he is deteriorating. We trying our best to be positive but it so consuming. My husband is also 53 and we've been married 33 years. 

Hi missydawn

Thank you for your response . I am sorry to hear that you are in a similar situation although you probably understand best what I am going through. Equally , my husband has had 2 courses of chemotherapy which haven't worked and he was due to start on a new course last week but that hasn't happened as he was in hospital for 3 days last week as he couldn't stop being sick and then he was readmitted on Monday and discharged tonight as again couldn't stop being sick. So who knows when he will start the new course. He has also had radiotherapy on his back as he has a tumour and that hasn't worked and gives him immense pain. He has aged so much in 3 months. I can't work as I feel unable to cope with that aswell and I just feel we are existing, we are certainly not living ! We would be married 25 years in August , so like you, it's a long time , and we had such plans.

Are you receiving any counselling ? I have had 4 sessions now and I have found that really helpful. I just take one day at a time, as like you said it is so consuming.

Take care, and please keep in touch.

Hi Paddock

Thank you for your reply. I hope they manage to get the sickness under control for him. My husband tried loads of different anti sickness tablets before they found one which helped. He has really struggled with eating as he can't taste anything which I believe is a side effect of the chemo. He has lost so much weight. I'm off work at the moment as I needed to spend so much time at the hospital, but I'm fortunate that I live on site of my job. Up until now I have been able to come home and check on him every couple of hours, but he he's got so many appointments coming up I don't see how I can work and support him. It's such a worry financially as well. I haven't had any counselling but it's something I think I need to look into. I try so hard to be strong for him and our daughter, but I look at him and feel so angry that he's going though all of this pain and anguish. . . Please stay in touch

Hi  missydawn   How are things? I am feeling so scared today as my husband is due to see the consultant this afternoon to review how things are. Since his discharge from hospital on Friday ,I have really noticed him going downhill. Although he is eating really well, and we seem to have the pain management under control, he is  getting weaker. He appears to be shrinking and ageing. Everyday I am doing more and more for him (not that I mind ) and I know he is struggling with this aswell. Up until a few months ago , he was a strapping 6ft2" active husband and father and now I feel I am looking at the shell of what he used to be. It is breaking my heart and I can hardly see through my tears to type this. Everyday I dread getting up and having to face a new day dealing with cancer, I am so very frightened and scared. I am worried that they will say he is not strong enough to start a new course of chemo and if so, then what? Any hope we have of prolonging his life is gone. We have no control, the cancer is in control, I hate this illness SO much . Sorry  I'm too upset to continue, take care

Hi Paddock, twice I have tried to reply to your email but got so upset after reading yours that I'm finding it really hard to find the words to reply. I really hope your meeting with the consultant this afternoon has gone better than you hoped, and your husband can have another course of chemo. It's so hard watching them getting weaker each day. Like you I dread every day because it's all about the cancer, everything revolves around the bloody cancer. Each day becomes more frightening because you lose a little bit more of them and yourself. I really wish I could say something positive to you but I can't, because I share the same fears, anger, anxiety and stress that your feeling. Some how ( and I really don't know how ) we have to try and be strong and comforting for them. I hope you have a close family who supporting you, as well as your husband. I really wish I could give you a big cuddle right now. Please let me know how you got on today. Keep in touch. Dawn xx 

Hi Dawn  well my husband started his chemo course yesterday ! It was touch and go as I'd had to have the doctor out in the night to administer pain relief and he wanted to admit him to hospital but I refused and between his best friend and myself we got him there to the oncology unit yesterday! Psychologically we both feel better, and all of a sudden all the support network has kicked in aswell. We had a team out yesterday who provided us with all the practical things like walking frame, bed rest, bathroom stool etc and today the two nurses from our local hospice came out to visit to explain what they offer for support. So thankfully I do not feel quite so alone. How has your week been? 

Thank you for your kind reply, keep in touch  Paddock 

Hi Paddock, I'm so glad to hear from you and that your okay. We've had a rough week, my husband started his 5 days of radiotherapy on Wednesday. He has to go back Monday & Tuesday. This has made him feel very sick and tired. We then see the consultant again on Thursday to see if he's going to be offered any more treatment, and I'm feeling exactly like you did. I'm so glad that you now have support in place, it must be a huge relief. Please keep in touch. Dawn xx 

Hi Dawn how is your week going? I hope that your husband has completed his radiotherapy ok and good luck with your meeting with the consultant tomorrow. How is his sickness  ? I hope that you are coping ok? Have you got some support? We have had a real roller coaster of a week, but we have so much support from various cancer organisations which has been so welcome. I am feeling less alone. My husband is going downhill quite quickly , and I do wonder if he will make it to his next chemo session in 2 weeks time. He had a pump fitted yesterday to give him pain and anti sickness relief and that is certainly helping. Isn't it amazing how quickly our lives have been turned upside down  and how you just accept each  n  ew phase ? Normal life seems a very long time ago now ! I just take each day at a time and gratefully accept every offer of help given. Thinking of you and hoping you are coping at this difficult time. Take care Paddock

Dear Dawn and Paddock

I hope you don't mind me joining this conversation - I have been reading your stories and I hope you are both coping ok.

I am in a similar position although in my case there is a lot of questions yet to be answered as we are only at the very beginning of our journey but things are pretty scary for us too.

My husband is 62 and hadn't been well for a while but he is one of these people who just won't go to the doctors... On 16th January he collapsed in town and he had to (reluctantly) go to A&E where they did tests and found a large tumour on the CT scan (colon). We are now waiting for an MRI this Saturday and a colonoscopy next Monday in order to find out how far it has spread but although I am trying very hard to be upbeat, I am not very optimistic as he is so so weak and that's even before we started any treatment yet :( He had to take some iron tablets last week which upset his tummy even more and now that these have stopped (had to stop because of the colonoscopy next week) he was sick last night and had a terrible night. He is skin and bones and won't eat anything. He won't go out either so just stays at home all day sitting down and going to bed at 8.30 but can't sleep at night. When we were at A&E last week they said that his blood count was so low they were considering transfusion but he insisted on going home and they said hopefully the iron tablets would help. Now we are just waiting for the tests and the results probably around a week later in February.

I can hardly cope with this unknown and it breaks my heart to see him so weak. I don't know what to do, I just feel helpless...

We have no children and no family nearby (he hasn't got any family at all except his step-dad who is 82 years old, and my family is abroad). Not many friends either as he was never a very social person and didn't really like to hang out with friends much. I have a lot of people I used to consider as friends (old work colleagues, hobby friends etc.), but this has made me realise how "not close" I am to any of them and I can't really ask anyone for support because, well, they are really more acquaintances than anything else and I don't want to bother them with this as we are not close anyway... Although I have told a couple of work colleagues and they are being very nice to me.

I can't bear thinking of what's going to happen, I know he is scared but he won't admit to it, he doesn't even want to talk about it so I just watch him all white faced and weak and can't say nothing, I am very scared. On top of it I had this feeling of guilt eating at me, but some people on here have made me think about it and realise that it's what I do for Andy now that matters, being here for him, which I am and will be.

Wishing you both a lot of courage and I hope we can all get a little comfort soon.

I know its ayear later Froggy but my husband is 61 and has all the same symptoms as your husband. only thing , he hid it thst it was cancer. he was very mean and angry,etc but i just thought he didnt like me anymore and couldnt figure out why. i know he loves me but he was terribly unhappy most times and took it out on me. Now i find out after leaving him 3 weekes ago he is in icu with stage 4 cancer. i kept asking him about his condition changing but he was lying to me the whole time and wouldnt tell me whats really wrong. im confused and he told the dr dont tell me (his wife) nything about is condition now. i have to hear it from his son.

I know its ayear later Froggy but my husband is 61 and has all the same symptoms as your husband. only thing , he hid it thst it was cancer. he was very mean and angry,etc but i just thought he didnt like me anymore and couldnt figure out why. i know he loves me but he was terribly unhappy most times and took it out on me. Now i find out after leaving him 3 weekes ago he is in icu with stage 4 cancer. i kept asking him about his condition changing but he was lying to me the whole time and wouldnt tell me whats really wrong. im confused and he told the dr dont tell me (his wife) nything about is condition now. i have to hear it from his son.