I just wondered if there is anyone else in a similar position to me. My husband has terminal cancer , he is only 52 and this has all started from a dodgy mole discovered in June. I feel I am on a very lonely and scary journey .
Really sorry to hear that - I'm at the other end of that journey - my wife died after 3 years of cancer back in October.
I don't know your position - how long you think you have with your husband, whether he is having treatment, how capable he is etc. but yes it is scary (even more so for him I'd say!) but it doesn't have to be lonely.
You have him, for now at least, and you'll want to spend as much time as you can with him. Do friends and familly know? or is he one of these people who doesn't want people to know? that can be difficult.
In any event you'll find lots of people on here in very similar situations who will be more than ready to offer advice,support or just sympathise when you're having a bad day.
In time you may even find that you can offer such advice and support to others - you'd be amazed how theraputic that can be.
Thank you for your reply and I'm sorry to hear of your loss.
Yes , friends & family know, but I feel that unless you are going through or have gone through this awful illness, then it is very difficult for anyone to fully appreciate the journey that I am on.
My husband has been on chemo tablets which haven't worked , and he was due to start a last week but he is in hospital as he has been really ill and therefore they are unable to start the new meds. It Is the unknown that we are dealing with that just makes this all so scary. We just feel that it is one step forward and two steps back.
We are both trying to be up beat and positive but some days it is just so hard.
Yes it's really tough when you're not well enough to take the medication. In later months my wife's blood figures weren't high enough for her treatment to go ahead and that was always so frustrating.
I'm in the same boat as you. My husband was diagnosed with cancer in March last year and in September we were told it was incurable. He's had two courses of chemotherapy which haven't worked. He's just come home from hospital after 10 days after developing blood clots on his lungs and an infection. He's in a lot of pain so they are going to give him radiotherapy starting next week. Like you I am very scared at how quickly he is deteriorating. We trying our best to be positive but it so consuming. My husband is also 53 and we've been married 33 years.
Thank you for your response . I am sorry to hear that you are in a similar situation although you probably understand best what I am going through. Equally , my husband has had 2 courses of chemotherapy which haven't worked and he was due to start on a new course last week but that hasn't happened as he was in hospital for 3 days last week as he couldn't stop being sick and then he was readmitted on Monday and discharged tonight as again couldn't stop being sick. So who knows when he will start the new course. He has also had radiotherapy on his back as he has a tumour and that hasn't worked and gives him immense pain. He has aged so much in 3 months. I can't work as I feel unable to cope with that aswell and I just feel we are existing, we are certainly not living ! We would be married 25 years in August , so like you, it's a long time , and we had such plans.
Are you receiving any counselling ? I have had 4 sessions now and I have found that really helpful. I just take one day at a time, as like you said it is so consuming.
Thank you for your reply. I hope they manage to get the sickness under control for him. My husband tried loads of different anti sickness tablets before they found one which helped. He has really struggled with eating as he can't taste anything which I believe is a side effect of the chemo. He has lost so much weight. I'm off work at the moment as I needed to spend so much time at the hospital, but I'm fortunate that I live on site of my job. Up until now I have been able to come home and check on him every couple of hours, but he he's got so many appointments coming up I don't see how I can work and support him. It's such a worry financially as well. I haven't had any counselling but it's something I think I need to look into. I try so hard to be strong for him and our daughter, but I look at him and feel so angry that he's going though all of this pain and anguish. . . Please stay in touch
Hi missydawn How are things? I am feeling so scared today as my husband is due to see the consultant this afternoon to review how things are. Since his discharge from hospital on Friday ,I have really noticed him going downhill. Although he is eating really well, and we seem to have the pain management under control, he is getting weaker. He appears to be shrinking and ageing. Everyday I am doing more and more for him (not that I mind ) and I know he is struggling with this aswell. Up until a few months ago , he was a strapping 6ft2" active husband and father and now I feel I am looking at the shell of what he used to be. It is breaking my heart and I can hardly see through my tears to type this. Everyday I dread getting up and having to face a new day dealing with cancer, I am so very frightened and scared. I am worried that they will say he is not strong enough to start a new course of chemo and if so, then what? Any hope we have of prolonging his life is gone. We have no control, the cancer is in control, I hate this illness SO much . Sorry I'm too upset to continue, take care
Hi Paddock, twice I have tried to reply to your email but got so upset after reading yours that I'm finding it really hard to find the words to reply. I really hope your meeting with the consultant this afternoon has gone better than you hoped, and your husband can have another course of chemo. It's so hard watching them getting weaker each day. Like you I dread every day because it's all about the cancer, everything revolves around the bloody cancer. Each day becomes more frightening because you lose a little bit more of them and yourself. I really wish I could say something positive to you but I can't, because I share the same fears, anger, anxiety and stress that your feeling. Some how ( and I really don't know how ) we have to try and be strong and comforting for them. I hope you have a close family who supporting you, as well as your husband. I really wish I could give you a big cuddle right now. Please let me know how you got on today. Keep in touch. Dawn xx
Hi Dawn well my husband started his chemo course yesterday ! It was touch and go as I'd had to have the doctor out in the night to administer pain relief and he wanted to admit him to hospital but I refused and between his best friend and myself we got him there to the oncology unit yesterday! Psychologically we both feel better, and all of a sudden all the support network has kicked in aswell. We had a team out yesterday who provided us with all the practical things like walking frame, bed rest, bathroom stool etc and today the two nurses from our local hospice came out to visit to explain what they offer for support. So thankfully I do not feel quite so alone. How has your week been?
Thank you for your kind reply, keep in touch Paddock
Hi Paddock, I'm so glad to hear from you and that your okay. We've had a rough week, my husband started his 5 days of radiotherapy on Wednesday. He has to go back Monday & Tuesday. This has made him feel very sick and tired. We then see the consultant again on Thursday to see if he's going to be offered any more treatment, and I'm feeling exactly like you did. I'm so glad that you now have support in place, it must be a huge relief. Please keep in touch. Dawn xx
