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What's the best thing to do??

Coolcoco
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hi, I'm new here.  I'm living in Sydney, originally from London.  My 65 year old mum who lives in London was diagnosed with bowel cancer T4 N1 M0 in April .  She's only managed to have 3 chemos as she has been knocked back wth UTI's and infections.  She needs an operation to reduce the tumor (full hysterectomy, colon removed, and parts of her bladder, rectum, cervix and stomach.  The tumor is attached to all of these. Had some terrible news today, after spending the last few days in hospital with pulmonary embolisms the CT scan has shown a mass in the liver, secondary bowel cancer.  Can anyone relate? Give advice? I visited her 3 weeks ago and it was so wonderful to spend time with her, cook for her, look after her. She doesn't want me coming back until she has the operation but I want to go back now. I got 3 kids here and a full time job, my kids are self sufficient and their dad is great, my boss is understanding so there are no worries about me flying over. My sister is throwing around scathing comments about the burden she has looking after mum and how I'm not helping at all. It's so hard being thousands of miles away and feeling that I'm not helping. Any advice on mums condition and whether I should go back please help

 

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    Hi

    Have just seen your post and cannot add much to Kathy's kind words other than to say 'go with your heart'.

    It will probably depend of the results of the scan/tests as to if and when an operation takes place or whether other treatments would be available. Is there any way you can talk directly to your Mum's medical team who may be able to help your decision as to when to come over.

    Its difficult being at a distance and am sure your Mum is trying not to worry you any more than necessary and your sister sounds as if she is emotionally fraught (just like you!) and maybe not using her words too carefully in times of stress. Something we can all relate to at times of fear and frustration. Use the forum to offload anytime and make a decision that you will be happy with. Virtual hugs.Jules54

  • Offline in reply to jules54

     Hi Jules ,    Thanks for your reply. We have decided as a family to move back to the UK.  Time is precious and you only have one mum. It's a huge move for us as we have been here for 10 years and planned to continue our life here. However I can't live with regrets, I have to be with mum for however long she has. I won't tell her until everything is sorted out herend we have a date.  It's the right decision, Im going with my heart, not my head .

     

    All the best   Xxx

     

     

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  • Offline in reply to jules54

     Hi Jules ,    Thanks for your reply. We have decided as a family to move back to the UK.  Time is precious and you only have one mum. It's a huge move for us as we have been here for 10 years and planned to continue our life here. However I can't live with regrets, I have to be with mum for however long she has. I won't tell her until everything is sorted out herend we have a date.  It's the right decision, Im going with my heart, not my head .

     

    All the best   Xxx

     

     

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