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Mum just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer

CAE*75
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Hello,

Before I start, I wanted to thank everyone for their posts on here - it is incredibly moving but also inspirational to read your stories, and has prompted me to join.

My darling Mum has just (last week) been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer - she has been told that there is a tumour of approx 25mm in the tail of her pancreas and 1, possibly 2 seedlings in the blood vessels joining the pancreas.  I've tried working out what this means in terms of stages and outlook, but am just confusing and upsetting myself by trying to work it out so am going to stop and let the experts  guide us on what it means and what is happening.

I've been a mess ever since she and my Dad told me - every emotion from anger to confusion to utter sadness has hit me and I keep bursting into tears. She is only 64 and has been the most fantastic mum and grandma, and I cannot even begin to imagine what life would be like if the worst happens.  I am lucky that I have a wonderful husband, brother and dad for support - but I know I need to support them too, and ultimately what matters is that we all stay strong and positive for my Mum. 

I am having trouble getting from how I feel now, to how I know I must feel to support Mum.  I am fighting to stop myself falling to pieces, especially as I have a 17 month old daughter who needs me too - one of the hardest things to deal with is that she may not ever properly know my mum, I just cannot cope with the idea that she may not know someone who is so very important to me?

I can only hope that this is an initial period of shock and that my emotions will 'settle' so I can be and do what I need to for Mum.  Mum has been told that Chemo is the first course of action and I have convinced myself that this means surgery is not an option, and all they can do is try to control it, but not cure it.  Again, I know I should not think like this, but can't shake off my fears at the moment.

I know you all have your own stories and ordeals to cope with, but if anyone has some time to share any help or advice on coping in these early stages, I would really appreciate it.  Also, if you have any positive stories about pancreatic cancer, again I would love to hear them.

Thank you everyone xx

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    I thought I would just post an update.

    After a couple of horrible days of pledging to be positive, but pretty much failing miserably, I took a spur of the moment trip up to Mum and Dad's.  Work were brilliant and just told me to do what I needed to do!

    It was wonderful - a chance to talk things through properly, and (quite selfishly) a chance to have them all to myself for just one day.  My mum amazed me, apart from the fact that she looks and feels absolutely no different (how can this be if she has something that is apparently so nasty?), she was so together.  She is realistic about what might happen, but so controlled with her emotions and outlook.  I just couldn't fall apart any more knowing she is being like that, and she has given me emotional strength.  I just hope I did the same for her.

    My Dad was perhaps more of a worry - he is not well himself, so we are packing him off back to the GP, as until he feels better, I think he is going to struggle to come to terms with things. I'm currently looking into sources of emotional support for him (outside of family and close friends)

    My Mum had her first course of chemo today - I will be ringing shortly to see how it went and am keeping everything crossed.

    Thinking of everyone else who is supporting loved ones through this horrible disease, and hoping you manage to find opportunities to have those wonderful, impromptu times like I had yesterday.

    Catherine xx

  • Offline in reply to CAE*75

    Hi Catherine

    Sounds like you had a really good day and it has helped immensely. Sometimes it is better to take that trip and see for yourself how things are and not at all selfish. Never easy to judge how people are coping when you talk on the phone. As times goes on I find that I draw strength to cope, sometimes without even realise I am coping until I am through a particular blip (strangely whilst coping with the cancer journey of my husband I seem less able to cope with some every day problems which once upon a time I would sale through). Suppose you can only take on so much stress and you have to pidgeonhole parts of your life to cope with others. Hope this ramble makes sense. Do hope you can find the support locally for your Dad and also that Mum does okay on the chemo.  Wishing you all the best of luck. Jules

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  • Offline in reply to CAE*75

    Hi Catherine

    Sounds like you had a really good day and it has helped immensely. Sometimes it is better to take that trip and see for yourself how things are and not at all selfish. Never easy to judge how people are coping when you talk on the phone. As times goes on I find that I draw strength to cope, sometimes without even realise I am coping until I am through a particular blip (strangely whilst coping with the cancer journey of my husband I seem less able to cope with some every day problems which once upon a time I would sale through). Suppose you can only take on so much stress and you have to pidgeonhole parts of your life to cope with others. Hope this ramble makes sense. Do hope you can find the support locally for your Dad and also that Mum does okay on the chemo.  Wishing you all the best of luck. Jules

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