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Could I be doing more?

Joe4669
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Hi,

My wife Jeanine’s secondary breast cancer diagnosed about 1.5 years ago is now everywhere in her chest, neck and breasts. Shes had a plural catheter to help with the fluid on her lungs and to help with shortness of breath. Thats just the tip of the iceberg of symptoms. 
Having thought she’d beat it with alternative treatments she’s since been on standard care which is now not working either. Difficult conversation with oncologist is on Monday to 100% confirm that but the nurse said a few days ago during a routine check up that the hospice needs to be contacted which completely freaked my wife out but she’s so brave despite the daily tears. 
Anyway I’m completely racked with guilt wondering what else I can do. Mortgage the house, seek medicine abroad, give up my job take my wife and our young daughters away till the end. I don’t know but just wondered if other people feel the same so thought I’d reach out. 
cheers. Joe. 
btw I think you’re all amazing! 

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    Hi Joe

    You are likely already doing everything possible to look after Jeanine. At the end stages of cancer (Im on palliative care) I would not have the energy to move abroad for treatment. Or to move away till the end. My main goal is to live as normally as possible with my family and friends in familiar surroundings. Jeanine might feel the same way. My wish is to die at home with our local hospice second choice if I cannot receive enough care at home. You have probably been asked to contact your hospice early as there is usually a shortage of beds. Best wishes for you and your family.

    Ed

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    Hi Joe.  I am so sorry to hear about your wife Jeanine.  I too have secondary breast cancer with mets in most of my bones.  I sometimes think it is harder for our loved ones than it is to have the cancer yourself. There is no way you should feel guilty, your wife is lucky to have someone that cares so much for her.  Have you asked your wife what she would like to do.  If it was me I would not want my husband to give up work or put himself in debt.  He works full time and it gives him something to do and focus on other than me and cancer.  My wish is to live my life as normal as possible and to be at home until the end if it is possible.  It might be better to try and keep things normal as possible for your young daughter too.  I am so sorry.  You are not alone on this sh....tty journey.

    Lee x 

  • Offline in reply to Farmer_Ed

    Hi Ed, I can’t thank you enough for your kind and thoughtful reply. It’s incredibly reassuring to hear. I wasn’t even expecting anyone to as well so really appreciate it.

    My ship feels steadier already. I’ve always felt that the most important thing is to just keep things simple and as present as possible  

    Sending you and yours  all my best. I hope your journey is a restful as it possibly can be. Thanks again. Joe. 

  • Offline in reply to leelaloo

    Hi Lee, 

    Likewise to you as I said to Ed. 
    Thank you very much indeed. That’s so helpful. I’ve also asked Jeanine too as you wisely suggested . 
    All the best with your journey too. Cheers. Joe

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