Unsure if I want to know husband's prognosis

Hi - my husband has recently been diagnosed with prostate cancer - metastatic- had bone scan & ct scan & we’re waiting to see the oncologist to give us the prognosis & see how far the cancer has gone.

I desperately want to be there with my husband for the oncologist meeting but, although he wants to know, I’m not sure I can face knowing how long he may have in actual years. I feel such a coward - I’m just not sure what to do. Feeling very selfish & frightened.

  • Thank you Linda, that's very kind of you and appreciated.

    love Eddie xx

  • Hi Eddie - just wondered how things are with you? Whatever’s happening I hope you’re doing ok.

    We saw the oncologist today. It’s advanced localised prostate cancer - hormones & radiotherapy treatment. In lymph nodes but not bones. Took your advice & recorded the meeting which has proved very useful & also got copies of everything we could. 
    Treatment feels daunting atm but we’re trying to take one step at a time & not let our imagination run away with things. 

    Love Linda x

  • Hi Linda, it's good to hear from you, and glad you got to see your your oncologist, your diagnosis is very similar to mine, as is your treatment, Linda, i'm sure your aware of possible side effects from hormone therapy, and there are a few, not everyone gets them, most of us just get some of them and they are usually treatable and eventually pass, but 1 fatigue, almost everyone gets, and it's the only one you can prepare for. It will really help your husband in the months to follow if he could get himself as fit as he can, it will lessen the fatigue and help him feel better physically and emotionally. treatment does feel daunting, but you get used to it, and fingers crossed, your lucky with side effects and HT give your cancer a massive blow. Radiotherapy is usually a few months after HT starts to give it time to shrink the cancer, I will have everything crossed for you both.

    Thank you Linda, I am ok, I see my oncologist next Tuesday, as my PSA is rising, my treatment will change. I don't know if I told you but my eldest daughter is also fighting cancer, her 2nd time in 12 years, she's been through radiotherapy and surgery with chemo to follow, when her recurrence was1st diagnosed, the consultant gave her a year, so we swapped oncologists, and with just chemo to  come, her fab team are confident her chemo will cure her, you can imagine how happy I am, my very best wishes for your treatment.

    love Eddie xx

  • Hi Lindabobs 

    I hope you’re OK and your husband is too, I’m not sure if by now you’ve had the meeting with your Oncologist. 

    My husband and I are currently waiting, an almostidentical situation,  and a a rollercoaster of emotions. 

    I hope you are both OK and coping x 

  • Hi Perfect10 - this has certainly come crashing into our lives & after seeing the oncologist on Wednesday we’re clearer about where the cancer has gone & what the treatment will be. We’ve had mixed diagnosis til now so like you it’s been a huge rollercoaster of emotions. My husband has advanced localised prostate cancer which has gone into some lymph nodes. So it’s hormones, steroids, other tablets then radiotherapy after Christmas. All very daunting especially when reading about the possible side effects. 
    The thing for us is how much our lives are going to be dictated for probably the next couple of years with hospital appointments & monitoring. 
    Anyway enough of us - that’s where we are right now. How are things with you & your husband & how are you both feeling? 
    Chatting in here has helped me personally very much - tips like asking for copies of your notes from consultant & oncologist. I recorded our appointment on Wednesday which again has been enormously helpful & a tip from a gentleman on here. 
    Please let me know how you are & if there’s anything whatsoever I can help with please say. 
    Love Linda xx

  • Hi Linda 

    Thankyou for such a lovely reply and taking the time to write. 

    This has very much come crashing into our lives too, one minute everything was normal, the next this.

    Two months earlier my husband had started a fantastic new role and was made redundant, the hope of him working in the immediate future, given his age too is out, plus the treatment that we expect to happen, so that is very concerning financially too. 

    For you both now you have a path forward, it’s so daunting and it does helps to chat, I hope you are OK and you have family and friends to support you. 

    My husband is a fit 59 year old, and we live life to the full, however currently he is in hospital with acute pain in his back and side.

    CT Scans show nothing, thought it may be kidney stones, being controlled by morphine etc, this happened post the prostate biopsy only last week, not one doctor has a clue what it is, our MDT meeting is the 2nd Dec. 

    I personally think it’s the cancer that has spread into lymph nodes and the spine, as MRI showed on spine, so I’m bracing myself for the worst, anything less will be a bonus. 

    Thankyou xxxx 

  • Hi Perfect10

    Goodness you & your husband really have had a horrible time of it!! I too hope you have family & friends who are supporting you both through this. A friend of mine who’s been to hell & back with cancer in her life advised us not to assume too much too soon & whilst you obviously need to be prepared maybe don’t assume the worst too soon. As you said your husband is a fit healthy man which will definitely help fight back against this. 
    I would recommend recording the MDT on 2nd Dec just to help with detail. The word ‘oncologist’ makes my stomach lurch with anxiety but he was ok & felt ‘on our side’ which helped. 
    My thoughts are with you - you’re definitely NOT alone - there are some amazing, strong people out here. My son went to his local Maggies in Leeds & said they were just fantastic with him - don’t know if there’s one near you. 
    Take care & please stay as strong & positive as you are able. 
    Love Linda xx

  • Hi - have been thinking about you & your husband. Hope you are doing as ok as you can be. It’s such a busy time of year when everyone seems to be getting on with their lives. 
    My husband is getting lots of hot flushes with his hormone treatment but is so far managing to make light of them. Seems like lots of appointments ahead & monitoring.

    Hope you are getting through ok.

    Love Linda x

  • Hi Eddie - just wondered how things are going with you & your daughter. Hope you are both getting through ok. 
    My husband is getting lots of hot flushes with the hormone treatment but is managing to make light of it so far. Lots of appointments ahead - treatment & monitoring. 
    Thinking of you.

    Love Linda x

  • Hi Linda, It's good to hear from you, my daughter, Mandy has recovered from surgery, which went as well as possible, she will be having a scan next week and starting chemo Jan 2nd, all her tam are confident of it being done to cure.

    I've been getting faulty scan results, and have seen my oncologists 4 times in 6 weeks, but my last 2 a fortnight ago CT/contrast and NM bone, show my cancer, 5 organs and 8 lymph nodes, is undetectable except for 1 lymph, which we are hoping to hit with SABR, there are 2 markers on my ribs, probably cancer but will know on Tuesday for sure, if it is, they will get hit by SABR as well.

    Linda you said hubby is getting lots of hot flushes, but is managing them, if they become a problem, Menoforce sage tablets from Hollande & Barrett can help, and try to see appointments as opportunities to expand your understanding and discuss your concerns, I like Maggie's too and also go to the one in Leeds.

    best wishes to all your family.

    love Eddie xx