Hi Louise.E, 

I am sorry to hear about your partner's recent prostate cancer diagnosis and I hope that he can have radiotherapy and hormone treatment soon. It can often be the case in a relationship that one looks more on the bright side and the other on the dark side as you said but this is actually a good thing as you will bring a bit of cheerfulness and positivity and help him I am sure feel better and more upbeat as he is about to start treatment. It can be difficult to know how to be supportive in the best possible way and the truth is there is not one way to be supportive and I am sure you will follow your intuition and gut instinct to help him and be there for him in a way that works for you both and for your family. Your partner will I am sure appreciate having you by your side. Saying that, there is information on our website which can give you some good pointers on how to support someone with cancer and you will see in there a nice little video with top tips from patients on how to talk to someone with cancer and how to provide the best emotional and practical support. I am sure you are doing everything right though but it's always helpful to have a little look at those tips but it's also very important not to forget to take care of yourself so make sure you breathe from time to time and take a little break too to recharge your batteries. 

You've come to the right place though to meet others who have also supported a partner through a cancer diagnosis and I will now let them come along to share their story with you. We're here to listen and to support you during this difficult time. 

Best of luck to your partner for the start of his treatment, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hello Louise.E and a warm welcome to the forum though sorry you have to be here, I too have prostate cancer, diagnosed 2 years ago and went on hormone therapy HT followed by radiotherapy RT, from my point of view carrying on as close to normal as possible was the best way, and dealing with any issues should they turn up quickly. HT usually starts with a 28 day course of anti androgens ADT a type of HT, followed during or on completion by HT injections 1>3 monthly, with RT starting a few months later. Louise HT can cause side effects which you can deal with IF you get them, though there is one side effect nearly everyone gets and the only one you can prepare for, fatigue, the ADT and HT stop the production of testosterone, hence the fatigue so if you can get your partner fit before fatigue kicks in it will help him a lot through treatment. this was how my partner supported me, going walking, swimming and exercise classes together helped me through treatment physically and as we did most exercise together emotionally too as it was nice to feel we were fighting cancer together. best wishes to you both.

Eddie

Hi Eddiel, 

Thanks so much for your reply. I am pleased to hear that you were still able to swim, walk,  exercise despite the fatigue.  My partner is fit as he cycles and walks/hikes at the moment so I will certainly share any exercise that he will be able to do. How far into your treatment did fatigue kick in and did it cause you to feel depressed? My partner tends to look on the black side of life so I know I will have a battle to keep his spirits up. Very best wishes for you for you continuing treatment.

Louise

Hi Lucie

Thank you for your reply. Lots of useful information for me. I have had contact from someone else with some very helpful comments so I am glad I joined.

Louise

Morning Louise, I was about 5 months into HT when fatigue kicked in, at it's worst walking 50 meters was a struggle, though luckily for me it wasn't as bad as others get it, and pushing myself through exercise with the support and occasional kick up the backside from my partner I was back to my usual self in about 3 months, Louise before my cancer diagnosis my exercise was my allotment and walking the dog, your partners fitness will be a big help to him, I never get depressed, i have my moments, feeling down but they don't last long and now find exercise is just as important for me emotionally as my physical wellbeing, take care.

Eddie xx

Dear Eddie,

Thanks for your quick reply. All very, very helpful.

Louise

Hi Louise, I'm in a similar situation with my husband who tends to be more pessimistic with things. I've found that counselling has been really helpful to me (I found mine through talking to MacMillan and our local hospice). It can get really tiring trying to be the positive one and keep him upbeat about everything so having someone else to talk to about my own negative thoughts was really helpful, and making sure to talk to friends outwith that as well is vital. 

Feel free to rant to me about anything as I know how it feels! Trying to stay patient when he is being negative can be so hard, even small things like the chemo is causing my husband's hair to thin and he was certain he would be fully bald soon but I was saying it wasn't falling out as much as at the beginning and he just wouldn't believe me! I've definitely learned that I'm able to be much more patient than I previously thought haha! 

I tend to continue to point out the good things and be optimistic with my husband even if he won't agree, and just focus on the little positives every day. I hope things go well for you both.

Laura x

Hi Laura

Thanks so much for your kind reply.  I never thought about seeking counselling for mself so I am grateful for that information. My partner has only just started his hormone therapy and is still waiting to start his radiotherapy which I think will be soon.  Although we have been together for over 20 years, we do not live together (we are about 12 miles apart) I know he will be more depressed when I am not there.  He has been given loads of information from the hospital on what to expect and possible side effects. He just homes in on the worst scenarios and decides that that is what is going to happen. He doesn't want anyone to know either which is going to get difficult if he has to back out of things and is going to make things hard for me.

However, I will certainly seek out some one to talk to to help me cope. I just don't want to say the wrong thing.  Thanks again for your message.  Best wishes to you both

Louise x

Oh gosh, trying to not let anyone know would definitely be hard! I can see why he wants to do that but I is he ok with you telling your friends or family at all? I think it's important to tell him that you're affected and struggling as well and need that support. Counselling is definitely a big help and especially if you can't talk to anyone else! Have a look for a Maggie's centre near you, they're lovely wee places where people affected by cancer can go and have a cup of tea, they do classes and things and have counsellors on site so you can just pop in and talk to someone if they're available which would be quicker than waiting for a regular counsellor on a waiting list. 

I hope things get easier for you xx