Hi Charlotte (apologies for any spelling errors as I’ve forgotten my glasses)

I’m sorry to read that you are feeling this way and  wanted to let you know that you are not alone. My Dad has stage 4lung cancer,, (he is 70 and lives alone)since he became iill last year I have slept here at his over night and juggle my children and work during the day. . lI think we may be experiencing similar scenarios and feelings. it’s so painful watching our loved ones suffer 

I struggled with self care as I thought I was being selfish so I too felt the exhaustion that you are talking about.  i now try to think of self care as being “self-ful” - it’s like a battery recharge, a car won’t run with no service or fuel and you can’t pour from empty cups. Now self care is a routine like brushing my teeth

Can I ask if you get outside at all in daylight? Even if it’s only for 5 mins a day, I find getting outside - focussing on breathing, looking at what’s around me,, the garden, the sounds, the smells - is like an escape- this really helps my brain starts to run away with ‘what ifs’ and worry, It brings me back to the ‘here and now’ , ii used to spend too much time worrying about tomorrow, feeling sad about what  was in the past. All we have is here and now 

Every morning and night I think of 3 things that I’m grateful for (coffee is always in those lists) - it might help to write them down - and I spend a couple of minutes focussing on these 3 things and feeling grateful for them

I always have a jigsaw on the go here too - it’s a bit of an escape, especially when I’m feeling really scared. 

Asking for help when I’m not ok (it’s ok not to be ok too) was a real hurdle to clamber but it gets easier, in fact I could kick myself for not doing this sooner. 

My Dad isn’t having treatment and cancer has spread to his liver . His wish is to remain at home. I feel like I’m teetering on the edge of madness sometimes when he’s having a bad day and find it helpful reading on here - the opposite of isolation is connection. 

The Queen  used to say ‘this too shall pass’ - I find this helpful during really upsetting times 

I hope the above helps you Charlotte. 

Thank you. I agree with all you say including the coffee part lol. I intend to potter about in garden more now the weather is better. This year will be more about flowers and pleasure than growing veggies and fruit-that was jim's job to harvest. Keeping it real this year. I hope you get respite and am thankful for your encouraging words.

 Focusing on the flowers is a fab idea!
I am going to pinch that and bring some flowers into the house to brighten up Dads lounge 

thank you 

 Focusing on the flowers is a fab idea!
I am going to pinch that and bring some flowers into the house to brighten up Dads lounge 

thank you