Hi Hetty

So sorry to hear that you are having to go through this.  If your mum has gone like this since that she has been on the morphine, that may be what is causing it.  My mum had secondary breast cancer in her bones and was in awful pain, she was admitted to hospital and put on morphine initially, she turned from the most kind and mild mannered lady to an absolute b**ch, she was ringing my dad at all times of the night yelling and swearing down the phone at him, rang me and yelled that I never do anything to help her (i had just spent 6 months taking her to every doctors and hospital visit).  Dad and I were in absolute pieces thinking that she was going to be like this until she died, luckily after a few days she got stroppy with one of the doctors, I also spoke to them about her character change when I went to hospital, and asked them to take her mobile phone away as my dad was distraught.  They changed her pain relief to Oxycodone and within hours, she was back to my calm kind mum again.

I hope that it is just the medication that is affecting her, this is a hard enough journey to have to travel, without this to deal with as well.

Best wishes

Annie

Hi Annie123

we are literaly at the start of the journey and I am just distraught. I know it’s not about me but it’s as if she is just wallowing in self pitty and given up. I have a son who I refuse to take over to see her as he has additional needs and as she has lost so much weight he is scared and she isn’t trying to get her self strong. I have told her they won’t operate if she is too weak. She is 70 and has just become so selfish so I hope it is the morphine. I’m going to explain this on Tuesday when we are at the hospital and I hope they keep her in as she isn’t safe being at home currently and needs food. She has been referred to the dietician to but they arn’t quick. This was not how I thought things would go. I turnned 40 a week ago and my brother is zero help he just goes to my parents for money so trying to work and care for a family and my parents has become hard. I have gone from daughter to carer. I am glad I am not the only one who has experienced this 

Hi Hetty

There is alot of pressure on you with this, you are also bound to be worried about your Dad as well, it is hard to feel like you are in the middle.

The other thing about morphine is that it can make you feel sick, so maybe that is affecting your mum's eating.  If its not the morphine making her be like this, it might be that she is struggling with accepting what is happening.  I am not sure if she has actually been diagnosed with cancer yet?  If not, there is always a chance that the mass is benign, hopefully you will get more idea on Tuesday.

If it is cancer, once your Mum is told what treatment is available, hopefully her fighting spirit will kick in.  From this forum, you will see that often once you have a treatment plan in place, you feel better than the worry of not knowing what is happening.  Prior to that, it is very common to think the worst.

Whilst you are waiting, you may be able to try getting your mum to drink some Ensure drinks (i think the gp can prescribe them for her to try), not sure how nice they are, my mum always refused!

I really feel for you, it is 12 months now since I went through this with my mum, but I had times when I just felt so helpless having no help either, luckily for me, I took early retirement a year before mum's primary diagnoses, so I didn't also have to juggle work!

If you ever need to rant and let off steam, this forum is a good place to do it, we can't change what is happening, but sometimes it just helps to know that there are people to listen to you.

Best wishes

Annie

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I don't know if it helps but me and my sisters are on a similar journey. Our Mum 76years has always been active and staunchly independent, the rock in the family. She became unwell just before Christmas, feeling sick, losing her appetite and describing a fullness in the stomach which prevents her from eating. She's lost a stone since then...she's had a scan (we waited at the hospital for 12hours!) that revealed a lump on her bile duct and there was mention of a perforated gall bladder on her discharge letter. Since going back into hospital (as she was eating just a couple of mouthfuls of food a day), they don't seem to think that is the case anymore and keep talking of tumours. Our Dad died of cancer some years ago so we are all aware of what we may be facing. I try to stay positive, we don't know for sure yet, but my younger sister is a pessimist and keeps looking at the worst case scenario, that's her coping mechanism. I find this difficult to deal with. 

We spoke to Mum's GP and insisted she go back into hospital. We were trying to care for her at home, staying over at night but holding down full time jobs it's sadly not sustainable. Mum is back in hospital and hopefully feeling better, she's been so ill. I'll go to see her today. 

When it came to encouraging her to eat, we literally listed everything we could think of. She said she didn't want hot or crunchy things, she couldn't stomach it, so we tried ice-cream and she seemed to enjoy that, only ate a couple of spoons though. But keep trying. Sweet potato fries were another thing she seemed to enjoy a few of. 

But I would advise you to strongly raise your concerns with GP, etc. and insist on a return to hospital, if that's what your Mum wants. Let me know how you get on...always here for you, rant away. 

Hi Griffin-Hunt

thingsbare better. Got mum off the morphine and she is back to her lovely self. Cancer has been diagnosed but trying to find the primary source so had her at hospital for a biopsy yesterday to hopefully help find the primary source as the spread is very extensive. She isn’t in pain anymore so hope that’s a good thing. 

it sounds like you are doing amazing and what’s right for your mum. Working and trying to care for someone is hard and I am feeling it now. I am exhausted and work thinks it’s ok to switch me around as I am just a number to them but I am struggling. Hope you get answers soon.