Hi Annie123

we are literaly at the start of the journey and I am just distraught. I know it’s not about me but it’s as if she is just wallowing in self pitty and given up. I have a son who I refuse to take over to see her as he has additional needs and as she has lost so much weight he is scared and she isn’t trying to get her self strong. I have told her they won’t operate if she is too weak. She is 70 and has just become so selfish so I hope it is the morphine. I’m going to explain this on Tuesday when we are at the hospital and I hope they keep her in as she isn’t safe being at home currently and needs food. She has been referred to the dietician to but they arn’t quick. This was not how I thought things would go. I turnned 40 a week ago and my brother is zero help he just goes to my parents for money so trying to work and care for a family and my parents has become hard. I have gone from daughter to carer. I am glad I am not the only one who has experienced this 

Hi Annie123

we are literaly at the start of the journey and I am just distraught. I know it’s not about me but it’s as if she is just wallowing in self pitty and given up. I have a son who I refuse to take over to see her as he has additional needs and as she has lost so much weight he is scared and she isn’t trying to get her self strong. I have told her they won’t operate if she is too weak. She is 70 and has just become so selfish so I hope it is the morphine. I’m going to explain this on Tuesday when we are at the hospital and I hope they keep her in as she isn’t safe being at home currently and needs food. She has been referred to the dietician to but they arn’t quick. This was not how I thought things would go. I turnned 40 a week ago and my brother is zero help he just goes to my parents for money so trying to work and care for a family and my parents has become hard. I have gone from daughter to carer. I am glad I am not the only one who has experienced this 

Hi Hetty

There is alot of pressure on you with this, you are also bound to be worried about your Dad as well, it is hard to feel like you are in the middle.

The other thing about morphine is that it can make you feel sick, so maybe that is affecting your mum's eating.  If its not the morphine making her be like this, it might be that she is struggling with accepting what is happening.  I am not sure if she has actually been diagnosed with cancer yet?  If not, there is always a chance that the mass is benign, hopefully you will get more idea on Tuesday.

If it is cancer, once your Mum is told what treatment is available, hopefully her fighting spirit will kick in.  From this forum, you will see that often once you have a treatment plan in place, you feel better than the worry of not knowing what is happening.  Prior to that, it is very common to think the worst.

Whilst you are waiting, you may be able to try getting your mum to drink some Ensure drinks (i think the gp can prescribe them for her to try), not sure how nice they are, my mum always refused!

I really feel for you, it is 12 months now since I went through this with my mum, but I had times when I just felt so helpless having no help either, luckily for me, I took early retirement a year before mum's primary diagnoses, so I didn't also have to juggle work!

If you ever need to rant and let off steam, this forum is a good place to do it, we can't change what is happening, but sometimes it just helps to know that there are people to listen to you.

Best wishes

Annie

Thank you, 

the GP won’t prescribe the drinks without her seeing a dietician so I have bought her nutrient at the moment. Yes the morphine has made her sick as she has nothing on the tummy. I hope you are right about the plan and officiallly being told as right now she has just gave up and looks gray and poorly. 

Hi Griffin-Hunt

thingsbare better. Got mum off the morphine and she is back to her lovely self. Cancer has been diagnosed but trying to find the primary source so had her at hospital for a biopsy yesterday to hopefully help find the primary source as the spread is very extensive. She isn’t in pain anymore so hope that’s a good thing. 

it sounds like you are doing amazing and what’s right for your mum. Working and trying to care for someone is hard and I am feeling it now. I am exhausted and work thinks it’s ok to switch me around as I am just a number to them but I am struggling. Hope you get answers soon.