I've just found out my mum's cancer will be terminal.

My mum is only in her early 50's and is the strongest and most selfless person I know. In January she went in for a simple hysterectomy after being assured her bleeding was a result of the menopause and definitely was not cancer.

When they did the surgery, the found a cancerous tumour and removed as much of it as they could. A month or so later, we found out she also had another primary cancer - in her bowel. She had aggressive chemo and immunotherapy and we were told the prognosis was positive although it would be a long road ahead. Fast forward 9 months and my poor mum has had several hospital admissions due to sepsis and immune mediated colitis as a result of the chemo destroying her immune system. A few days ago, we were told she only had a couple of months to live. The next day they told us that perhaps they were wrong and she had much longer. Yesterday they told us they have found shadows in her liver and it was be that the cancer has spread.

I am so confused and broken. The information we are getting keeps changing and I feel so lost and helpless. Up until a few days ago, I knew my mum was really sick but I had hope she would eventually get better. Now I feel like I have to face the reality that it's unlikely she ever will and I don't know how much time I have left with her. She is my best friend and the thought of going on without her seems impossible. I dont know how best to support her. She is quite confused and sometimes agitated at the moment and I don't know how best to help. I'm heart broken. Sorry this is just a long message about how I'm feeling but I'm just so lost right now.

Parents
  • I'm so sorry to hear about your mum's diagnosis, it really is heartbreaking. I'm going through something similar, in that my mum has terminal cancer. She had breast cancer (stage 2) back in 2020, and after surgery and 23 rounds of radiotherapy, we thought all was well. Until August this year, when they found shadows on her liver and pelvis. She has metastatic breast cancer (stage 4), and although it is treatable at the moment, it isn't curable. We are all absolutely devastated, and so scared for my mum and what she may have to go through, she is only 51 and I'm worried for my dad (61) and brother (26), as they are both at home with her. Here if you need to chat x

  • I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. I know how heart breaking this all is and how confusing it can be. Having your hope crushed when you thought things were going to be okay is so painful. Sadly my mum actually passed away last week, we ended up with alot less time than we thought. I've never known a pain like it. I know how scary this all is though so if you ever need to talk, please get in touch. It's true when people say that it's best to try and make as many memories as you can and make sure nothing is left unsaid. You sound like an amazing daughter. Sending you, your mum and your family love. Xx

Reply
  • I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. I know how heart breaking this all is and how confusing it can be. Having your hope crushed when you thought things were going to be okay is so painful. Sadly my mum actually passed away last week, we ended up with alot less time than we thought. I've never known a pain like it. I know how scary this all is though so if you ever need to talk, please get in touch. It's true when people say that it's best to try and make as many memories as you can and make sure nothing is left unsaid. You sound like an amazing daughter. Sending you, your mum and your family love. Xx

Children
  • Hi EmmaLou,

    I have only just come across your posts. I am so sorry to read this latest one and to hear that your mum lost her battle last week. My sincere sympathy to you and your family. I lost my own mum to secondary breast cancer and know just how hard this was for us all.

    I am thinking of you and I am always here if you want to chat.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx