Hi my opinion is its your mums house so she's every right to go there as long as she still has care in place and she's not a danger to anyone including herself,.

If your relative cannot move out of the way they can help look after there mother, chemotherapy doesn't mean he or she can't do things for themselves and the mother ,if they have been living there alone and managing ok.  Houses have more than one room so a bit of rearrangement and a room each .remember that's my opinion hoping others will give you ideas. 

Billy 

Hi there - I absolutely agree with Billy x

This feels like it could be a tricky one.

The house is owned by your mother but there is another family member there who has been there most of his or her life and is currently undergoing chemo. How old is this family member, are they vulnerable beyond the chemo, are they either physically or mentally disabled ... that is not an exhaustive list of questions, but having someone come home to die can be traumatic. In a lot of circumstances someone who couldn't face being there might perhaps move out for short while, but if family member is on chemo and otherwise vulnerable that could be impractical or unreasonable.

It does look as if there are competing needs here, so I personally cannot advise what to do, but wanted to flag up why this situation could be complex. There is just so much about this situation we don't know.

There would also need to be a care plan in place for your mother as it sounds as if it would be asking too much for family member to look after her. If the family member on chemo feels that could place them at risk (re lots of people coming into house when they are immunocompromised), they may be allowed to override your mother coming back home on the grounds it would put them at risk. I'm not sure about this. But it seems possible to me that they could have a say.

I do hope you manage to find some solution to it all that everyone can sign up to. But I don't think it's going to be easy. Good luck!

Thank you for your responses- it is. Tricky one indeed.

yes family member has mental health issues including ocd. They would never cope with having mum at home with all the carers coming I  and out the equipment needed and the change in their routines.

I think I must just accept that I cannot fulfil mums wishes 

I'm sorry your situation is so tough. It is clear you care a lot about your mum. This situation is not your fault and you must not feel any guilt. 

As a single mother with health issues of your own you need to be kind to yourself. 

I wonder if an organisation such as Carers UK might be able to help support you to manage this situation with your mother. I feel it would be good for you to have some support at this very difficult time. Also Maggies – they have drop-in centres but also a website and give support to families affected by cancer.

https://www.maggies.org

I hope your mother is able to settle better in the nursing home soon. Her behaviour is not uncommon and people can become more settled once the initial shock of a situation starts to subside.

I'm not surprised that you find your situation overwhelming. There is so much for you to deal with.

Sending good wishes to you, your mother and your family. xx

Thank you RoseStarBlue - your are a kind wise person  I wish you well too

who knew life could be so tough xxx