Hi love, when my husband was receiving cancer treatment we were given an out of hours tel number for us to call, it's purely for cancer patients who need immediate help, they have your records and are aware of what is happening.  So have a look in his cancer book that he takes with him for treatment and all the information should be in that, if not speak to your McMillan nurse and ask her.  You should not have to end up in A & E. If you are struggling then let the nurses know, they maybe able to help you with suggestions.  It's a hard road when you're the carer so I know how you are feeling.  Make sure you have all the information that you need to help you cope.  Good luck, Carol 

Thanks for the reply. 

Initially I called the cancer ward that's dealing with his treatment, and spoke to a nurse, she went and spoke to a superior who suggested A&E. I'm not sure if it's because of the government rules in Wales.

I sat in a plastic chair, shivering in a cold room for 16 hours until they eventually got him a bed on the cancer ward. They thought he had an infection and were giving him antibiotics. When I called the ward later on they told me it wasn't an infection but his body responding badly to the chemo. The nurse was incredibly rude to me too. I ended the call feeling worse than ever.

I'm very unhappy with his treatment so far. I spoke to a macmillan nurse, she was incredibly helpful, but I don't know what to do.

He's going to be in hospital for a few days and I'm not allowed to visit him at all. I'm absolutely distraught. 

Yeah that's exactly what he's been like. 

Just had some messages from him saying he's been sick again and he's scared and wants me there. Begging me to call the nurse to ask if I can go in.

She's told me to call in the morning to speak to a sister, and at the least have his doctor call me directly to explain what's going on, so I can relay it back to him in a way that doesn't confuse or scare him. He's always had phobias of medical things, especially needles, and gets really anxious and frightened. 

You're doing really well and don't doubt yourself, it's not you he is attacking its life in general, they always hurt the one that understands them the best.  I'm always on this forum, it may not be straight away but I'll help if I can.  Xx

Thanks so much. 

Having trouble with the "mother in law" now. She's obviously worried about her son, and I totally understand she wants the best for him, but she's going on about complaining about his care to the local MP and wanting a second opinion and all sorts. I've been doing research into that stuff anyway as a precaution, because there have been several issues in regards to his treatment.

I've asked her not to do anything, or say anything right now as he's too poorly and he won't be happy about her doing anything without his permission, but she's insisting on asking him about it tomorrow.

She's been trying to help and I do really appreciate it, but I feel like she's doing it because she doesn't think I'm capable or any good at it.

Another stress like this isn't going to help anyone. He needs to get over this current situation first. 

It's a difficult situation as everyone feels out of control.  It's his Mum and if she wants to ask she will!  My two daughters wanted to do the same due to their Dad's negligence in Hospital but they respected my wishes when I explained that we had enough to cope with and all our energy was being used on coping with the cancer.  When it comes to it she may back down and if you are married then really I doubt they will discuss it with her as she is not next of kin.  Medical discussions are private and he would need to give her permission to speak on his behalf.  Let them sort it out between them, there is only so much one person can cope with and I mean you.  Let me know how it goes.  X

I've spent a few hours with him today in the ward. Seeing me has done a lot of good for him, he said he felt like he'd given up, but seeing me has brightened his day.

I've managed to shower him and wash and brush his (very long pin straight hair), which made him feel refreshed. He's also managed to eat more. I think the two main problems are depression and malnutrition. Of we can get them under control then he will be feeling better soon.

It was so lovely to see him, and be able to actively take care of him, rather than speaking to unknown faces over the phone and wondering if he's being looked after properly.

Didnt like the Jr doctor who came to see him, he wasn't very nice and I'm glad I was there to relate his judgemental, rude and "I'm fed up of this" talk into a way that my partner could understand and not feel like he was being ignored.

UPDATE

4:30am I received a phone call from the surgeon on call. They've found another mass in his colon. He's going for emergency surgery at 9am. He will have a stoma put in. He's already lost his ascending colon, caecum and appendix to cancer, now a mass has been found in his descending colon. I don't know if it's cancer or benign. Will find out with his surgery.

I'm absolutely terrified and distraught. 

I'm so very sorry to have just read your post.  I  can understand how distraught you must be, it's all so awful especially when you are coping with your loved one being so ill and unwell.  Please let me know how it all goes and I will always check in and see how it is going.  The waiting is the worst, I will check later today if you post.  I will always be here if you need to vent.  Keeping you in my thoughts, Terri.  Carol x

Surgery went well, he's now got a colostomy bag. I'm not sure what they found yet or how extensive the surgery was. He's doing really well. 

That's eally good news.  Keep me posted as to how it goes.  Hugs your way, Carol x

I've just spoken to the surgeon. They couldn't remove the mass. It's really bad. The options are limited. And this is probably going to kill him. It's very very aggressive. 

I'm so sorry that is not what you had hoped for. Can you still see him or are you not able to go in?  Xx

I'm so sorry that is not what you had hoped for. Can you still see him or are you not able to go in?  Xx

I may be allowed in tomorrow, but my temp is a little high, so it depends on that. 

I'm completely heartbroken and distraught. 

Please let me know how you are if you want to.  Xx

We saw the oncologist today. He's got 3-6 months, maybe a little longer if he's strong enough for chemo.

I have no words. I'm totally broken. 

I'm so sorry to hear your news.  There is nothing anyone can say to help you, just remember that we are all here for whatever happens over the following months.  Carol x