Hi love, when my husband was receiving cancer treatment we were given an out of hours tel number for us to call, it's purely for cancer patients who need immediate help, they have your records and are aware of what is happening.  So have a look in his cancer book that he takes with him for treatment and all the information should be in that, if not speak to your McMillan nurse and ask her.  You should not have to end up in A & E. If you are struggling then let the nurses know, they maybe able to help you with suggestions.  It's a hard road when you're the carer so I know how you are feeling.  Make sure you have all the information that you need to help you cope.  Good luck, Carol 

Thanks for the reply. 

Initially I called the cancer ward that's dealing with his treatment, and spoke to a nurse, she went and spoke to a superior who suggested A&E. I'm not sure if it's because of the government rules in Wales.

I sat in a plastic chair, shivering in a cold room for 16 hours until they eventually got him a bed on the cancer ward. They thought he had an infection and were giving him antibiotics. When I called the ward later on they told me it wasn't an infection but his body responding badly to the chemo. The nurse was incredibly rude to me too. I ended the call feeling worse than ever.

I'm very unhappy with his treatment so far. I spoke to a macmillan nurse, she was incredibly helpful, but I don't know what to do.

He's going to be in hospital for a few days and I'm not allowed to visit him at all. I'm absolutely distraught. 

It's all so traumatic for you.  My husband was admitted via A & E 29th December due to infection and like you we sat for hours, he finally git a bed at 2.30am and we'd been there since 6pm.  Like you I couldn't see him either and a nurse was rude to me.  It's difficult to not take it personally but being left alone is hard.  Has he got a mobile phone, that's how my husband and I talked and if he had a complaint I rang the ward and spoke to them.  There is always someone in charge so try and ask for a staff nurse or the hospital manager.  The McMillan nurses don't usually work weekends but they also work at the hospital so get through the weekend and ring them Monday they can visit him on the ward and ring you and tell you what is happening  to him.  I'm here if you need more help.  Carol

I've since spoken with 2 other nurses on the ward, as I had a huge panic attack as I felt like I didn't know what was wrong, how serious this is, or what was happening since I spoke to the rude nurse.

They were very good with me fortunately, and even managed to help him write me a short message to reassure me he's okay.

He's got high blood pressure, severe fatigue, nausea, vomiting, and bad stomach cramps. They've got him on an antibiotic just incase, antisickness, fluids and a cocktail of pain relief, as apart from his fatigue and weakness the pain is the worst symptom.

It probably doesn't help that I've not slept. We went in at 9:30pm Wednesday night, and I left A&E when he got a bed at 1:30pm just after lunch. I fell asleep at one point because I woke up falling off the chair. My eyes are swollen and my face is pounding with pain, but I can't seem to sleep.

Thank you so much for responding, it's really comforting in a weird way to know this happens to other people too. 

Try some warm milk and a couple of pain killers then try and get some sleep.  You will need your strength for when he comes home.  Try and think that all the worry in your head will not alter anything, it will just make you worse, not him.  I'm pleased you giot some help.  I dropped letters off at the hospital for my husband, you could always do the same, write to him and that will keep his spirits up as well.  I'm going to get some sleep myself, I'll check on you in the morning.  Night, night.  

Thank you. I may do that, it sounds like a lovely idea. 

Just checking to see how you are doing. Carol

I'm really struggling. We had an argument over the phone this morning. I hadn't heard from him, so I called the ward to check in, and the nurse said he had been awake all morning and was doing better so she'd have him call me. He did, and I asked why he'd not replied to my messages or messaged me as usual. He said he had a million messages to go through on his phone. This upset me a bit because he hadn't bothered to let me know he was OK, and he was more concerned about replying to other people... and he yelled at me for being upset. He didn't want to acknowledge my feelings. 

He has since eaten, and spoken to the consultant. Seems to be a really bad reaction to the chemo, but he's managed to eat some jelly and not throw up, so they are reducing the drip and medication to see how he does.

I feel dreadful, and very sad, and conflicted. I'm obviously very worried about him and I love him a lot, I'm just hurt that he can be so unlike himself and absent minded when he's unwell.

Thanks for getting back to me 

My husband was the same, he said I'd upset a nurse when I rang and was more concerned about her feelings than mine.  Don't take it to heart, he is in a bad place and feeling unwell and unhappy.  Unfortunately it becomes all about the person with cancer and we fade into the background.  It's normal but it does feel like what you feel and think becomes unimportant.  He is obviously doing better so focus on the good bit rather than the bad.  Hope he is home soon.  Carol x

It's horrible isn't it?

I definitely feel like I've vanished. My only use is to cook and clean. My feelings, desires and my own illnesses are no longer important.

I'm sick of people telling me to "be strong" for him. It instantly invalidates my emotions, and tells me that I have to drop everything in my life to focus on him. But then they totally contradict it by saying I should look after myself. I've already sacrificed a lot just to be with him, I've made huge changes and comprises in my life because I love him, the little I have left is now being stripped away. I don't think I should be made to feel guilty for that either. 

I'm so glad he's feeling better this afternoon, they've found a good balance for his medication and care. He's eaten more and had some decent sleep... And at least I've had time to work on decorating the bathroom.

I just want him to be himself again and be home.