Hi Sophie,

A very warm welcome to our forum, although I am so sorry to hear the reason that you are here for. All I can do is to give you my feelings, if I was your mum. I have had 2 bouts of breast cancer in the past 12 years and, I would be absolutely over the moon if my daughter were to fall pregnant. Unfortunately, she doesn't have a family. I have lost my own mum to secondary breast cancer and also a large number of other family members. 

It is never easy caring for a loved one at end of life, but it is impossible to know in advance what their cancer journey will be like. This tends to be different with everyone. A pregnancy would certainly give your mum something to look forward to and something to live for. If she didn't mae it to the birth, this would be sad for you, but you would always live in the knowledge that you tried to make her a grandmother beforehand.

If the worst came to the worst and she didn't last long enough to see the newest member of the next generation, you would be sad, but you would also be so infatuated with your new baby when it arrived, that this would give you a new little life to focus on. As a mum myself, I would want my daughter to have that little someone special to concentrate on once I am no longer here.

I hope that you reach the best decision for you. Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Thank you so much for this. 
I really appreciate you taking the time! And everything you said makes a lot of sense.

Best wishes x 

Hi Sophie, 

I am in a very similar position! I sent a request message me if you want to chat :) x

Hi Sophie,

I was browsing the forum and came across your post. My partner and I are experiencing something quite similar at the moment. My mum is suffering from stage 4 lung cancer and we found out on Friday that it has now spread to her brain. The treatment that she has been undergoing is now proving too much for her so she is deciding to stop this to make the most of the time she has left.

anyway, we found out my partner is pregnant 4 weeks ago. This is my partners first child, (I have two aged 8 and 9 from a previous relationship). We decided to tell my mum right away. She is extremely close to my partner (she spends more time with my mum than her own mum). We hoped that this would give her an extra reason to fight and it has also given her a welcome distraction to the treatments. I am glad that we told her.

It is heartbreaking to know that my mum wont be here for the birth of the baby as we both know she would be so involved with this baby 

As we are not quite 12 weeks gone yet, we paid for a private scan today so that we could have peace of mind that everything was ok and they also gave us some pictures which we gave to mum and she really appreciated them.

im afraid I can't give you any more advice other than my mum was delighted to be told and it gives her joy and something else to focus on when times are extremely tough.

Jamie x 

Hi I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. Sending you  my best wishes. Thank you so much for sharing, I really appreciate it x 

Hi Coral,

I am also going through this. Trying to get pregnant while my mum has stage 4. The unknowns are painful as is the future. I know my mum really wants me to be able to have children, I’ve been trying for a while. I know she would be happy for me and although seeing scans and being there for my pregnancy may be really hard for her I do think she would be glad that she could be as it would be special and take the focus away from some of the pain. I am desperate to fall pregnant so she can be part of it with me. I want more than anything for her to meet a little baby I made. I just want her to be there for so much more than that.

i hope you are okay. Here if you want to chat x

Aw thank you for the reply and being so open. I’m so sorry you’re going through such a complicated depth of emotions right now, it really is a lot isn’t it? I can imagine you’re absolutely right and that you being pregnant would be a magical lift for what your mum is currently going through and a shift of focus for things. I’m still in the confusion stage in terms of thinking about/trying for a baby. It’s not something my husband and I were planning right now at all, but then when Mum got diagnosed it suddenly pushed all thoughts of it right to the front of the queue in our brains. It’s such a strange thing to try wrap our heads around! Here if you need to chat too 

cx

Yes you find it reframes life plans and everything feels up in the air. It’s really difficult and only you guys know what is best for you. I truly wish you get as much time as possible with your mum and that you can find joy in the little things. Sending hugs x

My Mum’s sort of still in the early stages in terms of treatment. It’s stage 4 ovarian but she’s still got some chemo to do before a scan to see if the can operate etc to have a clearer image. I will be thinking of you and sending you all my good thoughts and energy and really hope it happens for you. Please keep me posted! It really does feel like such a special and important thing to have your mum with you on your journey to becoming a mum yourself doesn’t it. I never would have thought about it before, but cancer just reframes absolutely everything like you say. 
lots of love cx