How did you get on? 

Hello sunshine 90

How thoughtful of you to ask.

Cried on way

Cried in there

Cried this evening.

I had a nightmare with the cannula because they are using new ones omg they hurt. The nurse said they've had complaints from patients.

So then they pulled that out and did another one in the other arm.

They said the doctor said will look at the scans.

But in myself I am positive it's nasty I can't see a way out. I'm just waiting for the call

Kerry x

Oh I'm sorry I should of asked about you.

I'm so down I didn't think..

How are you?

I had a abdominal scan because of dilated pancreatic duct.

Have you had a call? 

Its good to have someone to talk to x x

It's ok, I know how you feel. Its so difficult to concentrate on anything. It's like my brain won't allow any other thought in other that these test results. I've been very down today too, im in pain and just really feeling sorry for myself. I have children so I'm putting on a brave face for them, only my eldest knows what's going on ( a watered down version of what's going on) if it wasn't for the kids I definitely wouldn't have even got out of bed today. 

I'm sorry, i don't know anything about a pancreatic duct. I had an abnormal smear so I've been having tests for that. Blood tests, scans, biopsy. I'm also getting abnormal bleeding and pain. I  get the results on Monday. I've got to go to the hospital to see the consultant. I'm so so scared. It's been nearly 5 weeks since that first trip to the doctors for my routine smear. It's been a very stressful time. 

Have you been told how long it will be untill you get your results? 

It really is good to talk. 

Xx

I have been exactly where you are..

6 years ago I had abnormal smears dysakosis (spelt wrong) 14  weeks of bleeding and pain.

Had biopsy can't remember the grade but..... Was taken in for a loop diathermy.. And all was OK.

Had yearly smears for 5 years after that.

So... Try not to worry I'm sure you'll be ok

Everything is crossed for you x

I know exactly what you mean about putting a face on with people and family I'm struggling hugely.. I've bee doing what you said about not getting out of bed

I've wrote letters and sorted photo albums etc. 

Pancreatic has a really bad record of cancer so I don't think it'll work out for me

Kerry xx

I'm so sorry to hear you have been through this too. Its horrible. I've also got an abnormal looking cervix, the nurse called the doctor in when I was having my smear. And the lady doing my biopsy also looked very concerned. Hence the need for scans. I also spent a night in hospital with heavy bleeding and clots. I'm praying everything comes back OK. Or that what ever it is can be treated. Such a very scary time! 

Kerry, I really feel for you. Please try to stay possitive until you have the facts. It could very well turn out to be nothing. I know its easier said than done as I'm going out my mind too. Im up and down. One minute I'm ok and the next I'm really not. 

Hugs xx

Aww you have been a friend just through these few messages I will be thinking of you every day I promise.

Its very scarey I cry all the time but hide it.. My poor partner is struggling too.

I've had 2 nasty marriages and then meet my darling man 8 years ago and now this... I keep feeling its going to be taken...

Its so scarey isn't it... 

I keep thinking about when the gp said I'll arrange a urgent ct scan.. Today was horrid I cried on the way... In the room and then when I came out. 

Sorry sunshine you have enough of your own worries going on.. 

A big hug right back to you xx 

.

Please do stay in touch. It really does help to talk doesn't it. And don't be sorry. If I'm helping in any way that makes me happy.

You sound the same as me, things are finally going right in my life too. I started a new job that I love,  after struggling for years. and now I'm having to take so much time off due to the stress of all this. Im a single mum so I'm going to struggle financially too. 2 of my children have additional needs and need me so much. The whole thing feels like a nightmare.

I also keep thinking of things doctors and nurses have said, you can't help but play it over and over in your mind. All this is so bad for our mental health. 

Anyway,  I have found that reading a good book has been helping me take my mind off things. I've got through a few now. So if you like reading maybe try that. And this sounds really silly, but watching TV with subtitles so I'm having to focus on the words aswel as watch the program is helping too. I just need to find something new to watch. Sounds daft I know. Lol

How are you sleeping? I watch TV untill i fall asleep, evenings seem better for me for some reason. but im awake very early. Mornings are worse for me. As soon as i wake up I'm wishing the day away. 

Try and eat, ive been struggling. But i do find that if I eat a nutritious meal i do feel a bit better. I find smaller meals are easier to manage. Also having a long hot shower helps me too. It's a struggle to get in sometimes and I have to force myself, but once I'm in I use all my nice soap and glory products. And my daughter has some lovely shower gels that I've been pinching. Lol. It does seem to lift my mood, even if it's just for an hour. I've been walking too when I'm not in too much pain. I've read lots of good advice on here like taking one day at a time. One hour at a time if you need to. Try and stay in the moment and not think too far ahead. Take deep breaths. Look after your self. Cry if you need to. Don't keep things bottled up. All of this does help, even if just for a while. 

I hope you have a restful night xx

You... Are the loveliest lady.. Thankyou x

Mornngs are dreadful for me, I just don't want to get up. Soon as my eyes open my anxiety butterfly stomach starts it doesn't stop.

I look through the TV its like I'm floating. People talking to me but I know I'm just nodding. I get short with people too. How awful is that.

Sleeping isn't brilliant.

I keep watching for every symptom.

Im losing weight.

Though I am eating ok. 

Wow I admire you... Children and

2 with additional needs and you work!!! Alot of people wouldn't bother if they were in your position seriously that's great

I've been a single mum twice so I know how hard it can be.

I do try to read but struggle.

All I seem to see is bloody cancer adverts.

I will send a friend request.

I just want to thankyou xx

And as I send this it's another advert

Morning. I've sent you a friend request 

How did you sleep? I woke at 6am. Managed to go back to sleep on and off untill 9am which is really good. But I have the strangest dreams.

I'm snappy too. And I'm sure the kids know something is wrong. 

Today is going to be hard, and the morning. Got to get the kids to school and then off to the hospital for results. I'm dreading it. I hope they have all the results and I don't have to have more tests. I'm so scared, but I want to know now what's going on. I'm bleeding heavy today, hard to tell if it's a period as I've lost track. But it doesn't feel like one. 

Im loosing weight too. Its probably stress 

And I know what you mean about adverts. I'm trying to stick to netflix and I only have the radio on in the car for the kids. I keep seeing stories pop up on Facebook. Can't escape it.

I hope your feeling OK this morning xx

Good afternoon

 Being honest I'm still in bed.. I'm feeling very low and what's the point. Its hard doing anything because all I'm waiting for is the phone call

I slept okish.

That's lovely about the friend request

I'll try and find it I'm dire with technology.

What are your dreams about?

I'll be thinking about you today xx

You really are a special lady it shines through in your chat. 

I know it's every where just stop ramming it down our throats x, 

Hi Fallmare, 

I'm not sure if you've managed to find Sunshine90's friend request yet but if not, I hope our guide on how to accept a friend request will help :happy:

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi Fallmare, 

I'm not sure if you've managed to find Sunshine90's friend request yet but if not, I hope our guide on how to accept a friend request will help :happy:

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi steph

I think have.. But thankyou for helping me x

Thank you steph. She found me

Feel free to message me anytime you want.

I'm feeling awful today, I'm so anxious about tomorrow. You should try and get out of bed, it might help. And it's unlikely you will get a call on a Sunday. Did they say how long it will be untill you get the results? I was told I would get a call but I didn't. I had to call them, i was told that I would get a letter with a date for an appointment. But I think it all depends on the area you live on how they go about things.

This time tomorrow I will know more about what's going on. I feel so sick thinking about it. 

I would still be in bed if I was in the house on my own. But Im cooking a roast for 6, the smell is making me feel ill and I'm really finding it hard to put on a brave face. Inside I'm a complete mess. 

This is awful isn't it. Im going to force some food down me then have a shower and take my youngest out for short walk. 

My dreams are mainly about me bleeding. I have a big fear of bleeding as I bled alot after having my youngest child and had to be rushed to a different hospital. So all this bleeding now is really not helping me. 

Deep breaths! Think happy thoughts, we will be ok xx

Hello my friend

I got of bed.. Had a slice of bread and a satsuma.

I had a shower and am now in Jim jams.. I'm doing a bit of housework.

I find it hard to face food too, but forcing it.

Are you struggling with nervous stomach? Are you feeling weak?

What you went through with giving birth sounds very traumatic for you.. I'm not surprised anything with blood affects you.

Us women go through a lot of crap don't we.

Every twinge now I'm googling all I think is they won't be able to help me..

They did not say anything just the doctor will look at them. 

I've only just turned the volume up on my phone coz then if it's off I don't have to face it. 

That's nice that your going for a walk hope it's dry it's pouring here though just started.

I will be thinking about you all day tomorrow xx 

Hello. How was your day? 

I'm glad you got up and had something to eat. Yes my stomach has been all over the place. It had settled a bit but its starting again now with the anxiety of tomorrow. 

I'm getting lots of different symptoms too. I don't know what's real and what's in my head anymore.  Feel the same as you, like it's spread all over and there is no going back. No hope. But then the next minute I'm OK again and telling myself everything will be fine.

I've been staying off Google as I know it will make me worse. I've been searching things on here instead. I'm so glad I found this site. Everyone is so supportive and it's helping me so much. 

Xx

Hey

Its been a lazy one to be honest. Wasn't feeling to bad but having some pain this evening. 

What time is your appointment? I'll be with you in spirit 

I totally agree this site is brilliant 

I'm always scanning through because it makes you feel your not on your own in your thoughts 

I just feel there'll be no hope. Isn't that a dreadful way to feel.. When you see this successful C stories you think I'd love for that to be me. 

Hope your walk was good. 

I'm watching old comedies which is helping xx

I'm sorry to hear your in pain this evening. I've just taken some paracetamol as I normaly get a bit this time of night. But so far I'm not too bad. Still bleeding a bit.

Thank you honey, that's so nice. My appointment is 11.30 

I didn't go for a walk in the end. I found a few bits to do around the house. Getting uniforms ready for the kids and putting washing away.  The day went fast.

Im just getting the kids ready for bed then i will try and find something on TV to occupy my mind xx

Aww bless you I don't know how you do it.

You sound like a lovely mum

I've got my partner into watching the The Royal Family which he's never seen. So we're binge watching

I hope tomorrow goes well for you.  I won't message as I don't want to bother you. Will you let me know though?

All my very best wishes to you xx

If I hear anything I'll let you know 

P. S have you got to go to the hospital for the results ?

Xx 

Ahhh thank you. I try my best but I am struggling at the moment. My youngest is quite demanding and she's at a very argumentative pre teen age. She has a mental health condition so it can be quite hard at times. My eldest also has various health conditions, he doesn't live with me but he is very reliant on me for most things. I spoke too soon about the pain, its just come on suddenly so I've been forced to get into bed. Everything else will have to wait till morning now. 

The Royal family is brilliant! I binge watched that not long ago. And my family is great too. 

I will let you know how I get on tomorrow. Yes the appointment is at the hospital with the consultant who did my biopsy. 

Your in my thoughts too. Let me know if you hear anything. You won't be bothering me. I will probably be on here when I'm in the waiting room. Hope it's not too much of a long wait. It was an hour and half wait when I was there for the biopsy. 

Xx

Oh no I think we both tempted fate by saying about pain!

My 2 boys are men now but my god those teen years were awful at times ATTITUDE A PLENTY EH.

But they still wouldn't answer me back now lol...

I haven't mentioned anything to my boys... Only my partner 

Is anyone going with you tomorrow? Did they ask you to bring someone?

I have upper middle abdominal pain a fair bit.. That's what's frigntening me also I think you'd only be sent for a ct scan if they think cancer.

I'm trying so hard to be positive. 

I'm more positive for you because I went through a similar thing years ago xx