Hi Janeylou. I know how you feel. I'm 51 and received a recall letter on Christmas Eve (great timing) saying an abnormality was found on my first screening mammogram. My clinic appt is 5 Jan and I can think of nothing else at the moment. I'm trying to keep distracted. My teenage daughter and husband saw me open the letter but I haven't told my teenage son or anyone else apart from my best friend. Kind of want to know what is actually the outcome before I worry other people. Will tell my boss (she is lovely) though as need time off work for the appt. My Mum and her mother (so my maternal grandmother) both had breast cancer. My grandmother died years ago from another cancer in the end and my Mum is doing fine, four years on. I had three (one per year) mammograms up to the age of 50 on the familial screening programme (which were all clear)but the last one was nearly two years ago (I'm 52 in February). When I  had the recall letter last week I then took a close look at my breasts as I hadn't noticed any lumps (I am a bit rubbish at checking though) and was horrified to see a considerable area of dimpling/puckering under my left inner breast - quite obvious lines and indents when I raise my arms. I have no idea how long they have been there as I don't go around with my arms in the air staring at my boobs Kind of wish I had now though. I can really understand what you are feeling and the waiting is awful as every scenario goes through your head. All I can say to you (and me!) is that most cases referred aren't cancer so let's hold onto that thought!! Good luck for tomorrow. X

Hi Kiwirunner, just wanted to let you know....my circumstances very similar to you, age 53 years, referral letter arrived the day before Christmas Eve.....not sure how I've got through Xmas as no extended family around to keep me busy as usual, due to their health issues (my sister has secondary breast cancer) Just myself, hubby and teen daughter, who, as you, saw me open referral letter, which I managed to play down.

Attended my appointment first thing today (my birthday) I was told that there was a change in one of my breasts so I had a more detailed mammogram and an ultrasound. After the ultrasound the consultant told me that I am absolutely fine and can go back to three yearly mammograms. 
 

Just wanted to give you some hope and let you know that things can still be okay even though you might think the worst....I found it so difficult to.stay positive. I was sooo scared, i am a bit of a glass half full person. It's awful having waited over Christmas, I can't tell you how stressed I've been. Good luck with your appointment and fingers crossed for you xx

Thanks  Janeylou‍ . Sorry to hear you have had a tough week. It is not easy is it?

I really appreciate your supportive thoughts.

It has been such a long 10/11 days between the breast clinic when they said it looked like cancer, and then the results appt tomorrow; I just want to know how good or bad it is when I get the results tomorrow. We know it is small (10mm) but as they said last week now I need to find out what Grade it is to know if slow, medium or fast-growing. Of course, the mind tends to focus on the worst case scenario!

My Mum had a Grade 1, slow-growing tumour so hopefully, that will be me too. I have found it SO hard to focus at work. I am sure my team have clocked onto me been super distracted, and in meetings, I normally contribute a lot but have sat in various video calls with colleagues, not saying much at all as my mind is totally elsewhere. My line manager is really supportive and I will update her tomorrow too. She said I am the 5th person she has managed who has had breast cancer and the other four are all going strong apparently which is encouraging.

Meanwhile, trying to hold it together and doing things that make me feel good. I'm a trail runner and that has been even more beneficial of late.. Getting muddy and out running in the woods and across fields that are on my doorstep in the village I live in has been a good way of releasing stress and tension.

It's my son's 19th birthday today and he is home from university at the moment (with an exam on his birthday - poor sod!) so need to be cheerful today so he has some semblance of a reasonable birthday even if stuck here with his sister and parents and no friends to celebrate with!

Will pop back on here when I have my results and will keep in touch with you re the 27th xx

So...an update after my results appointment today at the hospital. I was fortunate that they let me bring my husband in with me as the letter said I couldn't but when they called to say it was my turn to come in (had to wait in the car) they said it was fine to bring him in with me. Yay.

My breast surgeon was absolutely lovely - instantly clicked with her and she was so warm and caring, as was the breast care nurse who looked after me throughout. The surgeon came into the room and the first thing she said was "well you're a complicated one" which made me think eeek what does that mean??. Transpires that my biopsy was 'inconclusive" but the MDT all think it is looking like cancer so we are proceeding at the moment as if it is. I had already got my head around that after the consultant radiologist preparing me for that outcome at last week's breast clinic, so to be told it was inconclusive but most likely cancer was a weird feeling. She is concerned that this suspicious bit was only found on the diagnostic mammogram from last week and not the screening mammogram (the bit I was recalled on was fine last week and this new bit was discovered instead) and she is worried there might be other bits lurking around. So, next week on the 21st I am having a breast MRI where apparently you have to put your breasts in 'pots' as you lie on your stomach. I am amused at the idea they must change the pots depending on the size of your boobs. Then I have to go back the week after on the 28th for more biopsies of what they find on the MRI, then a proper consultation meeting on the 3rd Feb immediately after the MDT meet to discuss my results in the morning. And then I am booked for surgery on 16 Feb. Whatever they find she said it has to come out but she does think it will be proven cancerous. 

She explained that that the MRI was necessary to find out if lumpectomy will suffice or whether a mastectomy may be needed, and at the 3 Feb meeting she will be able to discuss full treatment plan once they have more info on what my lump is all about.

I feel quite relieved I am having an MRI because my problem lump (which can't even been felt - just the skin tethering with the two lines/dimpled area underneath my breast) was only picked up on the more powerful diagnostic mammogram last week. They only did my left breast as that was the one I was recalled on, so who knows  there could be something like that going on on the right hand side so two boobs in the MRI pots for me next week should give me piece of mind haha.

I asked about the impact of Covid on surgery etc and she said not to worry at all as they have an arrangement with a private hospital where all the same staff who are involved (anaesthetist, surgeon etc.) all just go and work there if no capacity in the NHS one. That made me feel massively relieved. Phew.

Right - that was a bit of a novel. Sorry for long post! Just feels quite cathartic to get it down in writing. In limbo land for another two or three weeks but at least I am fully in the system and I feel in really good hands. xx

Hi Kiwirunner. 
 

I'm Sorry to hear of your diagnosis but after your appointment today you are sounding very positive. I've had an MRI so wanted to let you know they are very painless, it's just the weirdest experience but is so beneficial for helping with your treatment plan

Wishing you a speedy recovery after your surgery. Can I ask what area you live in? 
 

Im awaiting results but have been told to expect cancer. The Covid situation worries me a lot as I don't want treatment to be slowed down as a result. 

Thank you for taking the time to let us know how you have gone on today..so pleased they let your husband go in with you. Sorry you dont have any firm answers as yet but still good news all sounds like it has been caught early and is very small. It must really make a difference to have a surgeon you felt comfortable with and really good news they have a plan in place should hospital be full and you will still get your treatment and care. 

I imagine you feel like this is all a dream but keep positive as you are it does sound positive. 

I'm always here if you need a chat, scream, shout or a cry just message me. 

Take care and keep in touch xxx

Hi KimMarie thanks so much for your message. I have fingers crossed for a good outcome for you too. When will you hear? I'm in the South West which is not as bad as other areas. I don't think we are allowed to say which hospital are we? I do hope that you are not delayed. It's stressful enough without worrying about Covid impact too. xx

Thank you so much a Janeylou. Yes I'm aiming to take a glass half full approach. That may dip when I get detailed results but won't know that until 3 Feb. Feels good to have dates in place though. Will be checking back with you on the 27th and thanks for offer on messaging. Will be in touch xx

Thank you, I have my appointment on the 22nd. I have everything crossed they are wrong. No better not to, but I am the South West too and they've said as long as all treatment is as an out patient I will be fine. It's all so scary without COVID getting in the way. 
Thanks for your reply 

Take care of yourself and stay positive xx

Hi kimMarie, I will keep everything crossed you get good news on 22nd xxx

Thank you, I've got it all tightly crossed too xx

Hope your both doing ok xxx

Hope your both doing ok xxx

Hi Janeylou that is nice of you to check in. A week today until you go back to have it checked again? Doesn't time drag!

KimMarie, you've got just two days to go now until you get your results? I know how you will be feeling, when like me you have been told to prepare for it being cancer but the waiting to know exactly what you are facing is so hard. Will be thinking of you on Friday - do let us know how you get on. xx

I have my MRI tomorrow evening (6.45pm). I dreamt last night that they found lots of extra bits in there in addition to the one they have already found. I guess that is the whole point of an MRI but it still feels daunting. More biopsies on the 28th and I guess if they biopsy more areas than redoing the one they have identified then that will be another thing to get my head around. Just want to know what I am facing and the days are going so slowly...

Let's keep each other posted - so good to have the support on here xx

Thanks [@Janeylou]‍  for staying in touch, not the greatest news but I need to stay positive so I can get through it all! How are you getting on? Xx

Hi glad you have had your MRI sounds very strange scan to have but made easier by the very hansome man you mentioned. Your anothet step closer to getting all the answers and getting on with treatment . Hope your doing ok imagine its a total rollercoaster for you at the minute . Take care jane xxx

Hi [@Janeylou]‍ will be thinking of you tomorrow when you go back for your check on the area they weren't sure about. Hopefully it has settled down and is nothing to be worried about but I know how you will be feeling on the eve of your appt. Fingers crossed for you xx