Hi Traciej

Saw the consultant..she examined me. Marked me with a felt tip pen. Back to wait in reception... then a mammogram.....back to reception. Then a scan and a biopsy...took 3 bits for analysis. Then straight back into the consultant and a breast care nurse.  Consultant said straight away it wasnt a cyst....but couldnt confirm anything until the results came back. So I said.. what if it cones back benign? Her reply? Then I'll request another biopsy.  Now to me that says it all. So I said... if it is what you think it is but cant confirm...what's the course of action? She will operate within 2 weeks. 

I have an appointment next Tuesday afternoon to get the results. They suggested if my hubby wants to be with me he can.

So it is a solid lump.... it is of concern to the consultant... so getting confirmation looks like a formality. 

I'm going next Tuesday with my mind set on the next step. 

I'm jotting down questions to take with me as they come to mind.  How long has it been there? What stage is it at? Is it anywhere else? 

The staff were absolutely amazing. The consultant is lovely. They said I did the best thing finding it and acting on it and now they will take care of me. 

I have no idea what's going to happen next, but concerned Im handling it this well to be honest. Biggest coward going me...but managed this morning with the help of a great team. 

Oh no. Well stay positive! Your in the very best hands. 1 in 10 get cancer and the success rate is high, is it a big lump? A lot of people say once they've found out they actually are much calmer as they know what they're dealing with. It's the unknown that scare us most.

Were here is you need us xxxx

Thanks

I had a sneaking suspicion I'd end up  being the 1 out of 10.

No idea how big, or how long it's been there.  Yes fear of the fear isnt good. 

Dont you just hate it though when you bend over backwards being nice to other people and helping where you can...and then  this rocks up.

Not a death sentence my sister says. Got to get my head out of my bum on that one. 

Thanks for being here xxxx

Oh I know exactly what you mean! Im sick of being the nice girl all the time. Some people sail through life and others have to fight their way through it, one battle after another.

It certainly isn't a death sentence! Try not to think too much until you get the results. Only then will you know what your facing.

Were all on the same journey, why not have company along the way xxx

So sorry to hear this. I was thinking of you today and thought I would pop on to see how you got on. It sounds like you have done the exact right thing getting it checked out as soon as you found it and hopefully it is in the early stages and you will get the right treatment xx

Thanks Sally21

Just worrying not knowing how long the damn things been there.

Well the team certainly arent hanging about.

Thank you for your support. Means a lot xxxx

Your company is more than welcome. 

Thank you xxxx

Thought I was doing too well..... fell apart 1.30am...... big time!@ 

I have the additional problem with anxiety. Had that since mum died in 1989 for gods sake. Got used to living with it. Not admitting to it. Well you wouldnt after all this time would you... back then bearevement counselling was in its infancy.  The psychotherapists I saw at the time were literally putting the time in. As much use as a fart in a space suit.

So the ongoing effects of that have made me a proper house mouse.  I panic if I have to travel any distance.so I dont travel. It's become a way of life.  You wouldnt think it to look at me...or if you had seen me from 1998 - 2012 as a public house landlady in charge no messing...life and soul... as they say. Didnt have to leave home to go to work...no travelling on a bus or a train...perfect. 

Having to do yesterday alone has hit me hard. I'm  balling my eyes out typing this. I'm so scared....

There's so much going on in my head. Dont know if I can deal with it all. I've seen posts from my kids on facebook ...just everyday posts..and Ive fallen to bits because I havent told them , but until I get the official results on Tuesday next week I cant tell them what's going to happen. I so want to see them...and I cant... not seen our grandsons since last December thanks to ******* covid. I only lost my dad in july..... why is this happening to me ........

Oh hun, it's bound to hit you, we try so hard to put on a brave face, but once we're alone, especially when in bed, all we do is think. It's natural I guess. I think keeping it from the kids is the hardest part. Wondering how they're going to take it.  I wasn't going to tell my kids until I'd been to the first clinic appointment but my son overheard me in the phone to my boss about it on Monday. He asked me yesterday about it as it had been bothering him. Took it really well, didn't think he'd be able to handle it. So now I'm wondering if to tell the girls to prepare them. I guess since telling him it's been a little bit of a relief so maybe talk to them before you get results. I know why you haven't, nothing to tell them right? Don't want to worry them unnecessary?  Allow your feelings, trying to bottle them up will make it worse. Talk to people, will help, trust me xxxx