Hi,

I was in your shoes 2 weeks ago! When I went to clinic (last Wednesday) I had mammogram and ultrasound. Radiographer was not worried about the lump/ swelling that has sent me there but said he felt something else. So he decided to do a biopsy there and then. It was nowhere near as bad as I would have expected. Practically painless. He put in a tiny marker for future ref, took another mammogram to be certain it was in the right place and that was it. A bit sore and bruised after but totally manageable.

I got a call today from consultant to say it was benign and doesn't need any follow up. So there are positive stories- try not to worry too much! Fingers crossed for you. Waiting is hard. I have an MRI on 21st Oct on pancreas so scared stiff about that!- Another waiting game :(

I hope all works out well for you. Take care. x

Hi

Thank you for replying. You feel so alone. Only hubby and my sister know..had to tell someone. Trying not to think of how to tell the kids if it IS BC. You can see I'm galloping down the road of scenarios. Which is worse making mental lists just incase? Or not in the hope you wont have to? Moved things around in 2 bedrooms yesterday just to keep me busy. If it's a 3 week wait this will be the tidiest house in the countyFell apart half way through tea...no apparent reason..wasnt thinking about it at the time. 

Lost my dad in July...this really easnt needed on top of all that. 

Xxxx

So have they sent you for scans/tests etc whatnext?

I rang clinic myself today as I'd not heard anything. They said they've received my referral, they have until the 31st to send an appointment. The consultant has seen referral and decided needed face to face appointment - no *** sherlock! Xxx

Hi Traciej

Saw the consultant..she examined me. Marked me with a felt tip pen. Back to wait in reception... then a mammogram.....back to reception. Then a scan and a biopsy...took 3 bits for analysis. Then straight back into the consultant and a breast care nurse.  Consultant said straight away it wasnt a cyst....but couldnt confirm anything until the results came back. So I said.. what if it cones back benign? Her reply? Then I'll request another biopsy.  Now to me that says it all. So I said... if it is what you think it is but cant confirm...what's the course of action? She will operate within 2 weeks. 

I have an appointment next Tuesday afternoon to get the results. They suggested if my hubby wants to be with me he can.

So it is a solid lump.... it is of concern to the consultant... so getting confirmation looks like a formality. 

I'm going next Tuesday with my mind set on the next step. 

I'm jotting down questions to take with me as they come to mind.  How long has it been there? What stage is it at? Is it anywhere else? 

The staff were absolutely amazing. The consultant is lovely. They said I did the best thing finding it and acting on it and now they will take care of me. 

I have no idea what's going to happen next, but concerned Im handling it this well to be honest. Biggest coward going me...but managed this morning with the help of a great team. 

Oh no. Well stay positive! Your in the very best hands. 1 in 10 get cancer and the success rate is high, is it a big lump? A lot of people say once they've found out they actually are much calmer as they know what they're dealing with. It's the unknown that scare us most.

Were here is you need us xxxx

Thanks

I had a sneaking suspicion I'd end up  being the 1 out of 10.

No idea how big, or how long it's been there.  Yes fear of the fear isnt good. 

Dont you just hate it though when you bend over backwards being nice to other people and helping where you can...and then  this rocks up.

Not a death sentence my sister says. Got to get my head out of my bum on that one. 

Thanks for being here xxxx

Oh I know exactly what you mean! Im sick of being the nice girl all the time. Some people sail through life and others have to fight their way through it, one battle after another.

It certainly isn't a death sentence! Try not to think too much until you get the results. Only then will you know what your facing.

Were all on the same journey, why not have company along the way xxx

So sorry to hear this. I was thinking of you today and thought I would pop on to see how you got on. It sounds like you have done the exact right thing getting it checked out as soon as you found it and hopefully it is in the early stages and you will get the right treatment xx

Thanks Sally21

Just worrying not knowing how long the damn things been there.

Well the team certainly arent hanging about.

Thank you for your support. Means a lot xxxx

Your company is more than welcome. 

Thank you xxxx

Thought I was doing too well..... fell apart 1.30am...... big time!@ 

I have the additional problem with anxiety. Had that since mum died in 1989 for gods sake. Got used to living with it. Not admitting to it. Well you wouldnt after all this time would you... back then bearevement counselling was in its infancy.  The psychotherapists I saw at the time were literally putting the time in. As much use as a fart in a space suit.

So the ongoing effects of that have made me a proper house mouse.  I panic if I have to travel any distance.so I dont travel. It's become a way of life.  You wouldnt think it to look at me...or if you had seen me from 1998 - 2012 as a public house landlady in charge no messing...life and soul... as they say. Didnt have to leave home to go to work...no travelling on a bus or a train...perfect. 

Having to do yesterday alone has hit me hard. I'm  balling my eyes out typing this. I'm so scared....

There's so much going on in my head. Dont know if I can deal with it all. I've seen posts from my kids on facebook ...just everyday posts..and Ive fallen to bits because I havent told them , but until I get the official results on Tuesday next week I cant tell them what's going to happen. I so want to see them...and I cant... not seen our grandsons since last December thanks to ******* covid. I only lost my dad in july..... why is this happening to me ........

Oh hun, it's bound to hit you, we try so hard to put on a brave face, but once we're alone, especially when in bed, all we do is think. It's natural I guess. I think keeping it from the kids is the hardest part. Wondering how they're going to take it.  I wasn't going to tell my kids until I'd been to the first clinic appointment but my son overheard me in the phone to my boss about it on Monday. He asked me yesterday about it as it had been bothering him. Took it really well, didn't think he'd be able to handle it. So now I'm wondering if to tell the girls to prepare them. I guess since telling him it's been a little bit of a relief so maybe talk to them before you get results. I know why you haven't, nothing to tell them right? Don't want to worry them unnecessary?  Allow your feelings, trying to bottle them up will make it worse. Talk to people, will help, trust me xxxx

Oh hun, it's bound to hit you, we try so hard to put on a brave face, but once we're alone, especially when in bed, all we do is think. It's natural I guess. I think keeping it from the kids is the hardest part. Wondering how they're going to take it.  I wasn't going to tell my kids until I'd been to the first clinic appointment but my son overheard me in the phone to my boss about it on Monday. He asked me yesterday about it as it had been bothering him. Took it really well, didn't think he'd be able to handle it. So now I'm wondering if to tell the girls to prepare them. I guess since telling him it's been a little bit of a relief so maybe talk to them before you get results. I know why you haven't, nothing to tell them right? Don't want to worry them unnecessary?  Allow your feelings, trying to bottle them up will make it worse. Talk to people, will help, trust me xxxx

Traciej... thank you

I feel sick everytime I think about telling them. Just being a mum protecting them from any hurt. As big as they are...all married.. I know I'll be in bits on the phone.  And doing a group WhatsApp doesnt feel right.

But at some point I'll have to spill the beans.

Keeping myself as busy as possible. Had an hour or so alone this morning so let the floodgates open... big time!! Dont think I've sobbed like that since I was a kid. But better out than in. Like releasing pressure from a bottle of fizz. And that's top of the list when this is all over. 

Its bonkers how all of a sudden everytime you turn around theres a ref to breast cancer. A friend of mine is fundraising. Thats popped up.on Facebook.  Hubby picked up a pack of printer paper this morning. He said " you're not gonna believe this" the packet is pink...and in big letters EVERY PACK SOLD DONATES TO BREAST CANCER.  I don't know who's writing my script....but I swear you couldnt make half of this up!!

Xxxxx

It's not a topic you want to talk to over the phone is it? No chance you can meet up with your kids? I know we shouldn't but these are exceptional circumstances

Yes sometimes we need a damn good blowout, it does make us feel better a little 

I noticed that! TV adverts, posters etc it's crazy!

I'm waiting for my first appointment. Was told yesterday they have till 31st October to send out an appointment. Consultant has looked at my referral and decided needs face to face appointment. But I'm still waiting? Is that good news would you think?

When have you got to go back? Xxxxx

Hi Traciej

Ive told them . Couldnt do it over the phone. And they are 3 hours away. So.... it was a WhatsApp on the family chat box. They were all wonderful, all said how proud they were that I'd done  something about it straight away. Huge relief and a load off my mind. The more we chatted the better I felt. Couldnt have risked a meet up, not if surgery is on the cards. 

I would say if you've not seen your consultant before then it is good that he wants to see you. It's only 9 days until the 31st. My wait was about 2 weeks. 

I'm back on Tuesday 27th at 3.15pm. Then I'll know for sure what the plan is. 

I'm trying NOT to think that every little tummy rumble or twinge means it might have escaped.... .

Let me know when you get your appt.

#inittogether xx

Oh I'm gld you've told the kids, they will want to do this journey you and as you now know it's a relief in some way ️

I know exactly what you mean about every little twinge and pain, I've been doing the same! It's strange how the mind works

Will do as soon as I know! The wait is taking the mick now

#inittogether xxxx

Thanks TracieJ

It's a huge relief.  

Made the christmas cake today... mixing away and stupidly thinking will I ge here to eat this? The mind runs riot if you let it. Then I did the angry bit..... why wait until tuesday...why not tell me last Wednesday.  If it wasnt going to be cancer they would have told me surely.  Why tell me it isnt a cyst...but not tell me what it actually is. My consultant knows...she may have been wearing a mask...but the eyes have it. Still questions that need answers rolling round in my head.

Anyway....gave myself another good talking to. Removed the dressing today from the biopsy. Starting to turn a luverly shade of lilac and blue.... not really painful to be honest. Feels like a scratch . Taking panadol.... advice is dont take ibuprofen.  So I'm not.  Have ditched the underwired bras too!! That  came up in conversation with one of the nurses.  

So...only 4 days to go... this is becoming a habit. 

Stay safe

#inittogether xxxx 

Hun, they're not going to tell you until they have proof. They can't. The only proof is the biopsy. Try to keep yourself occupied, thinking too much is wasted energy. Think positive thoughts, surround yourself with happy things, if you can under the current circumstances (covid) 

Chin up

#inittogether xxx

Traciej 

You're right.

Xxx

#inittogether

Letter arrived this morning. Have been googling medical jargon.

So...and I quote: there was, a 15mm lump in the upper outer quadrant, clinically suspicious, with an impression of minor dimpling on the overlying skin. No other palpable abnormality on either side and no axilliary or superclavicular lymphadenopathy.

Mammogram showed a 45mm lonulayed high density mass, which on ultrasound corresponded with a 39mm x 30mm solid mass which was subjected to a biopsy.  The axilliary lymph nodes had normal morphology. 

Results of biopsy to be discussed on Tuesday. 

At least its not spread to the lymph nodes from what I can make out. Which is a massive relief .

Onwards to the plan of getting this little fecker gone.

Much love 

#inittogether xxxxx

* 45mm LOBULATED.... flipping predictive xx

Hi what's next,

OK, so you've got some sort of clue then. Good news about the lymph nodes!   Where is the lump? Mine is just above the aurola (if that's how you spell it)

You never know, results may be benign!

Hi plantmad,

Your welcome to join in the chat, your most welcome!

#allinthistogether xxx