Hi there,

Sorry you've been going through all this pain and other difficult symptoms.

I have to agree with your husband though about getting off Dr. Google, Dr. Google is not your friend and your mind can play tricks on you, so reading other people's stories can then lead to you presenting with those symptoms.  Our brains are incredibly good at making happen what we think is going to happen.

It is worth noting that bloating does often cause pain around the neck, collar bone and shoulder area.  I know this from years of endometriosis.  The pain in that area can be excessive, indeed for me it often got to the point I was frozen in one position and had to be carried up to my bed.

In terms of the back pain to be honest given how rightly anxious you are about your bowel I would expect you to have lots of pain in your back and probably headaches by now too, these are areas that take a lot of our stress.

So I'm not dismissing what you're saying, you obviously have something going on that is rightly worrying you and you want answers to it. However, they have already found one answer (erosive gastritis) and will hopefully find another non-cancerous answer with the colonoscopy.  There are an abundance of non-cancerous conditions that can cause all the stool issues you're having, as well as weight loss etc.  I'm just trying to point out how worrying needlessly (from what we know at the moment) about cancer can cause the other symptoms and make things worse for you.  While they try and work out what is going on with your bowel it might be worth seriously considering taking some relaxation lessons to see if that gets rid of the back pain, or try mind over matter and intentionally relax.  Even if your back is sore from some other cause it will still be made more sore (or sore in a different way) by stress so you have nothing to lose.

While I do understand your worry, I think if you read back what you've written you can probably see that you are letting worry destroy your life, and spending time googling and upsetting yourself will be having a negative effect on your family life, which is really sad, especially as it is all likely to be for nothing.  Chances are they will find you have one of the many common gastric issues which, as I say, can with the bloating give pain around your shoulder, collarbone etc. and you've put yourself through all this extra stress and possibly some stress-caused pain for nothing.

The way I look at it is, while you have tests looming over you for a bowel complaint, you could (like any of us) get knocked down tomorrow and that could be it.  Would you want to have spent your last day worrying about a cancer you probably don't have?  Even if you did turn out to have it would having spent that last day worrying have changed anything?  Goodness, not trying to have you killed off tomorrow, I hope you realise that, it's just how I try and think about it when worry gets the better of me.

Sorry for rambling on, but hope some of that helps.  You clearly have something medical going on, but there is every chance the pains etc. are part of the bowel issue and also part stress.

Will you let us know how the colonoscopy goes?  Good luck with it.

LJx

Hi Scaredmummyx.

You have missed out one highly relevant piece of information. Please can you tell us your age.

Hello 

I empathise completely and I am currently awaiting the results of a CT scan for the same thing and have managed in the last 24 hours to create a variety of unpleasant outcomes for myself. 

This has what has helped me feel brighter/more optimistic this afternoon are the following, meditating (lots of good free podcasts, I am really like the serena ones and deciding on some really tasty lunch and enjoying it.

I hope you are totally overthinking this and your results come back negative but in the meantime be kind to yourself, in the last four weeks I have treated myself to acupuncture, reiki, loaded my Instagram with lists of positive accounts, walked everyday and listened to The Secret which though is very cringey in places has helped.  What can you do, that you would enjoy and find soothing?

and as you ask for I’ll keep a bright healthy and strong image of you in my prayers xx

Hi LJ, 

Thank you for taking the time to read my long post/rant, really appreciate it.

I know Dr Google is not my friend right now, but i just can't seem to stay away! I will have to try harder to resist the urge, it's like i'm addicted to it hoping to find answers.

That's really good to know and hopefully it's exactly that, and not cancer spreading to my bones! I'm usually quite good at looking on the bright side of things, but for some reason with my health i'm all doom and gloom and thinking the worst. It's probably because i keep thinking about how much time i've lost and then i panic again. But whats done is done.

Logically i know whatever i do now won't change the outcome of what it is so i should just try and not think about it but i can't help but let the worry get the better of me. I have two little ones so most of the time i'm pretty occupied, it's only those moments when they are napping or sleeping that my mind starts to wonder.

You're right, i could potentially die tomorrow, who knows, life can be so fragile. Thank you again for your advice and for helping to relieve some of my stress, it's nice to be able to talk to someone other than my husband, who is probably bored of me repeating myself by now, bless him. He does tell me off when he catches me on google which helps haha.

Will keep you updated on how next week goes.

Have a lovely evening.

SM x

Hi Telemando,

I'm 30 years old. 

SMx

Hi Lettherebehope,

Did you have a colonoscopy prior to your CT? I know it's horrible what we do to ourselves sometimes!

No tasty lunch for me unfortunately, due to my erosive gastritis i have to eat very bland, so can't even binge eat my sorrow away haha. The kids keep me happy and occupied during the day though which helps. Might run myself a bath and try to relax after i respond :)

Thank you for responding and taking the time to read my post, i really appreciate it and i hope you get good results from your CT! Let me know how it goes! You're very kind, i will likewise have you in my prayers.

Have a good evening.

SMx

Hi Scaredmummyx.

There was a particular reason I asked about your age.  Bowel cancer is very much age dependent, and at age 30 it's a very unlikely diagnosis. Far far less than 1% chance. 

I've suffered from a lifetime of IBS, exacerbated by several episodes of diverticulitis, so I know just how horrible it is.  But at age 30, with your history, IBS is a far more likely diagnosis than cancer. 

You are getting yourself into a state of high anxiety, and when you're in that state, any small aches and pains become major traumas. 

I've been there and done that myself, so I know just what you're going through. When I get into this state, I often book myself a couple of acupuncture appointments with my local friendly Chinese doctor. It's strange how being poked with needles can have a calming effect, but it does.

There are also a number of calming videos on YouTube, including an excellent one called "How to Meditate in a Moment". 

Above all, you must stop stoking your anxiety be reading internet pages which you know are going to be unhelpful and which won't shed any further light on your situation.  You've found all the pages there are to find, and you didn't get the answers you need, so stop searching. 

Hi Telemando,

Thanks for reading and responding to my long post, I appreciate it!

I want to believe those statistics too but a lot of the patient stories that I’ve read are from young adults in their 20’s as young as 20 being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.    

Im sorry to hear you’ve been suffering from lifelong IBS and episodes of diverticulitis, it must be so horrible! 

Thank you for the link, I will definitely check it out as I know stress and anxiety isn’t going to help, I just need to learn to calm myself down when thoughts start creeping back in.

SMx

Hi Telemando,

You’re right, logically I know everything I’m doing isn’t helping my situation, but I can’t help but let the bad thoughts get the better of me especially when I see how skinny I’ve become or when I start experiencing pain again. 

I will try your meditation link today and try and relax myself. My husband is also lurking around making sure I’m not googling, bless him. 

Thanks again for trying to talk some sense into me,

SMx