Hi Oldhatter, 

Sorry to hear your news but I hope that it is something that is not untoward.  I had similar symptoms in terms of discomfort under the right rib cage and had tingling in my under arm, no one could figure out what it was then one day a large mass appeared on my right breast out of nowhere, I was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer and i am currently having treatment.

I think in terms of telling your family or not it is ultimately your decision.  However, telling your family can be beneficial for several reasons you can get support from them, they understand what you are going through and any changes you are experiencing, and if the worst happens then they can be prepared, they can help with adaptions to housework and other chores at home etc and any recovery. Additionally, If something did happen or the worst happened then how would they feel knowing that you kept it from them and lying to them may lead them to wrong conclusions and cause further grief.

For me I decided to tell my partner I live with because I decided to give up work but also wanted the support and for him to know and prepare, and get support for him if he needed it.  He attended my diagnosis and oncology appointments and he is aware of the risks to me and how we can best manage them.  I have also told my family.  As macabre as it sounds it is also enabling me to plan for other things such as pension tranference, my end of life wishes (should the worst happen).

It is understandable that any family, friends would be naturally anxious but if things were the other way around would you like your family member to confide in you?  I don't think you are being selfish I think you are trying to save them from worry and distress and it is your decision but I think ultimately just my personal opinion that by lying or not telling them it may cause further distress and anxiety down the line.

Hi

Thankyou for a lovely reply I hope the treatment is going well,and is successful

Your message it is very helpful.  I have been thinking a lot about it and keep changing my mind each time I do ..Yes how would I feel  if the reverse happened...My pack is coming....I think that might be the time to tell the wife.....I seem to be more apprensive  in telling the family than the result. I am not going to play word games  so appreciate  you reaching out to me with your opinion 

I  wish you the very best and I will let you know my way forward 

Hi there ,I've had 2 Colonoscopies and both times the only person I told was my hubby ,I didn't see the point in telling anyone else it would have upset lots of people for no reason as it turned out .I had to tell my hubby as I couldn't keep the prep a secret plus he would be taking me to the hospital ,I figured if after the Colonoscopy something serious had been found, as you find out on the day I would tell them then ,nothing sinister was found and they don't know to this day ,I had one in 2022 and the other one was a few weeks ago ,I hope all goes well for you if there's anything you want to ask me just fire away ...

Hi.

Many thanks for sharing your thoughts with me and it's brilliant you had good news. 

I went to bed last night,  thinking the same,  however when I got up I started to change my thoughts.....it's a bit more complicated and maybe this is where I am confused  if I am being controlling/selfish or over  protective .

I have all my children round for Xmas to New Year.  The procedure takes place before New Year,  we planned some events between  the two  for example football matches that I never miss. and going to due to laxatives.  Also the diet starting on boxing day or day after is going to be a give away.... they are no fools . It's they are doing so well  in life /work after having thier own problems,  I just want them to stay focused ( this May be controlling) and carry on  It's hard to explain when you have seen what the effects of  not being in the right frame of mind does, you don't want that to happen again for them. 

Do not get me wrong I want to survive,  because I feel I still have unfinished business,  but I am not afraid anymore  since a personal family tragedy a few years ago, hence a problem especially with my wife.......I going to stop because I am playing games with my mind and overthinking  " what will be...will be "

II am on the lines at the mmomentnot to spoil Xmas day......tell the wife Boxing day......tell the children I got to go for another  test and this was a cancellation , other than a follow up, without telling them what it is othher than I have to have a clear out , they all knew I was having lots of tests anyway.  They give the results immediately,  if it's bad I will wait to the new year and decide  if and when to tell them....Just hope my wife will be able to keep her emotions 

Do you or anyone know if councilling for close family members  is provided or where to go who are experienced in this area?

I have never done the chat thing on the telephone before,  but  the responses,  have helped me quite a bit, even though it takes age to type. 

Finally I am a bit apprensive on the procedure,  is easy and painless? 

Thanks again 

Ok firstly if it was me I would have re arranged until after the Festivities to me its the most important time of the year for almost everyone and as its only once a year its very special and I know there's no way I'd have been able to spoil it for my family knowing that high chances are it was going to be nothing bad and I'd have spoilt it for nothing ,anyway that's just me ,I agree if you keep this appointment there's no way they won't find out but I understand you don't want to delay it because you might have to wait a while longer for another appointment ,onto the procedure both times I had sedation and felt nothing at all ,I'm not saying its the same for everyone but for me it was painless ,the prep drink is another matter ,its terrible and it made me feel so ill and I vomited most of it ,again its not the same for everyone and I must say they look after you really well and its quick ,again make the best decision for you and your family and you'll be fine .

Thanks Jenny 318 for forwarding your thoughts 

I spoke to the nurse today and they managed to slot me in a week later, she said the moving it a week should make no difference.  It makes it so much better for everyone

Thank you Jenny I will keep you updated 

Sorry and  a merry Christmas