Hi Oldhatter, 

Sorry to hear your news but I hope that it is something that is not untoward.  I had similar symptoms in terms of discomfort under the right rib cage and had tingling in my under arm, no one could figure out what it was then one day a large mass appeared on my right breast out of nowhere, I was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer and i am currently having treatment.

I think in terms of telling your family or not it is ultimately your decision.  However, telling your family can be beneficial for several reasons you can get support from them, they understand what you are going through and any changes you are experiencing, and if the worst happens then they can be prepared, they can help with adaptions to housework and other chores at home etc and any recovery. Additionally, If something did happen or the worst happened then how would they feel knowing that you kept it from them and lying to them may lead them to wrong conclusions and cause further grief.

For me I decided to tell my partner I live with because I decided to give up work but also wanted the support and for him to know and prepare, and get support for him if he needed it.  He attended my diagnosis and oncology appointments and he is aware of the risks to me and how we can best manage them.  I have also told my family.  As macabre as it sounds it is also enabling me to plan for other things such as pension tranference, my end of life wishes (should the worst happen).

It is understandable that any family, friends would be naturally anxious but if things were the other way around would you like your family member to confide in you?  I don't think you are being selfish I think you are trying to save them from worry and distress and it is your decision but I think ultimately just my personal opinion that by lying or not telling them it may cause further distress and anxiety down the line.

Hi

Thankyou for a lovely reply I hope the treatment is going well,and is successful

Your message it is very helpful.  I have been thinking a lot about it and keep changing my mind each time I do ..Yes how would I feel  if the reverse happened...My pack is coming....I think that might be the time to tell the wife.....I seem to be more apprensive  in telling the family than the result. I am not going to play word games  so appreciate  you reaching out to me with your opinion 

I  wish you the very best and I will let you know my way forward 

Hi there ,I've had 2 Colonoscopies and both times the only person I told was my hubby ,I didn't see the point in telling anyone else it would have upset lots of people for no reason as it turned out .I had to tell my hubby as I couldn't keep the prep a secret plus he would be taking me to the hospital ,I figured if after the Colonoscopy something serious had been found, as you find out on the day I would tell them then ,nothing sinister was found and they don't know to this day ,I had one in 2022 and the other one was a few weeks ago ,I hope all goes well for you if there's anything you want to ask me just fire away ...

Ok firstly if it was me I would have re arranged until after the Festivities to me its the most important time of the year for almost everyone and as its only once a year its very special and I know there's no way I'd have been able to spoil it for my family knowing that high chances are it was going to be nothing bad and I'd have spoilt it for nothing ,anyway that's just me ,I agree if you keep this appointment there's no way they won't find out but I understand you don't want to delay it because you might have to wait a while longer for another appointment ,onto the procedure both times I had sedation and felt nothing at all ,I'm not saying its the same for everyone but for me it was painless ,the prep drink is another matter ,its terrible and it made me feel so ill and I vomited most of it ,again its not the same for everyone and I must say they look after you really well and its quick ,again make the best decision for you and your family and you'll be fine .

Thanks Jenny 318 for forwarding your thoughts 

I spoke to the nurse today and they managed to slot me in a week later, she said the moving it a week should make no difference.  It makes it so much better for everyone

Hi I'm glad you managed to have it moved to a slightly later appointment ,like they said it won't make any difference to the outcome and it gives you a bit of breathing space ,so you have a lovely Christmas with your family and I'm sure everything will work out fine and if you need to chat over the Christmas period there's always someone on here who have been where you are ,let us know how you get on ,any questions just ask Best Wishes Jenny ..

Thank you Jenny I will keep you updated 

Sorry and  a merry Christmas

Personally, I would wait until there is something substantive to tell.