Hi Oldhatter, 

Sorry to hear your news but I hope that it is something that is not untoward.  I had similar symptoms in terms of discomfort under the right rib cage and had tingling in my under arm, no one could figure out what it was then one day a large mass appeared on my right breast out of nowhere, I was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer and i am currently having treatment.

I think in terms of telling your family or not it is ultimately your decision.  However, telling your family can be beneficial for several reasons you can get support from them, they understand what you are going through and any changes you are experiencing, and if the worst happens then they can be prepared, they can help with adaptions to housework and other chores at home etc and any recovery. Additionally, If something did happen or the worst happened then how would they feel knowing that you kept it from them and lying to them may lead them to wrong conclusions and cause further grief.

For me I decided to tell my partner I live with because I decided to give up work but also wanted the support and for him to know and prepare, and get support for him if he needed it.  He attended my diagnosis and oncology appointments and he is aware of the risks to me and how we can best manage them.  I have also told my family.  As macabre as it sounds it is also enabling me to plan for other things such as pension tranference, my end of life wishes (should the worst happen).

It is understandable that any family, friends would be naturally anxious but if things were the other way around would you like your family member to confide in you?  I don't think you are being selfish I think you are trying to save them from worry and distress and it is your decision but I think ultimately just my personal opinion that by lying or not telling them it may cause further distress and anxiety down the line.

Hi

Thankyou for a lovely reply I hope the treatment is going well,and is successful

Your message it is very helpful.  I have been thinking a lot about it and keep changing my mind each time I do ..Yes how would I feel  if the reverse happened...My pack is coming....I think that might be the time to tell the wife.....I seem to be more apprensive  in telling the family than the result. I am not going to play word games  so appreciate  you reaching out to me with your opinion 

I  wish you the very best and I will let you know my way forward 

Hi

Thankyou for a lovely reply I hope the treatment is going well,and is successful

Your message it is very helpful.  I have been thinking a lot about it and keep changing my mind each time I do ..Yes how would I feel  if the reverse happened...My pack is coming....I think that might be the time to tell the wife.....I seem to be more apprensive  in telling the family than the result. I am not going to play word games  so appreciate  you reaching out to me with your opinion 

I  wish you the very best and I will let you know my way forward