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Waiting on breast biopsy results - heads a mess

Rambleon88
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Hello everyone.

Ive never really posted on anything like this before but I just feel so lost and scared right now I thought Id see if there is anyone else out there feeling the same. 
Im 36, beautiful son and hubby. Couple of weeks ago was doing my fake tan, noticed just the slightest of dips in my left breast (bottom outer corner). I was due on my cycle so left it a few days encase it was something related and when it didnt go I made an appointment with my GP. They couldn't feel anything but made a referral to the breast clinic based on asymmetrical breasts. 
So I head to the clinic, consultant has a feel and agrees on the dip and can feel a lump underneath it. This then leads them to book me in as urgent for the following day but for a biopsy, mammograms and so on. So I have the mammograms done, they take multiple images. Wait again to head into the consultation room with 2 student nurses, the consultant, a Ultrasound tech and a nurse. They start talking about the lump and identify another one but at this point Im a bit numb and not really taking it all in. I have the biopsies done and then the consultant speaks to me, here is where Im upset at myself as I cant remember the exact wording (my head was and is a mess) but something along the lines of “Concerned” or “Suspecting” malignancy. It was all so fast though. I had titanium chips popped in over the two lumps tested then sent back out for another mammogram to confirm their placement and booking me in for an MRI. During the last mammogram I felt so stupid, I was almost literally frozen as every muscle was so tense and I just couldn't stop trembling. The poor technician was trying to get me to relax but I just couldn’t 
I feel so lost, so scared and to be honest completely blindsided and I don't know if Im just being a big baby or if this is a normal reaction to it all. Has anyone experienced something similar and its come back as benign? Im praying it comes back benign but their reaction and way they are speaking has made me feel like they already know it’s cancer. Then I spiral thinking oh god what if its spread already? And the littlest pain anywhere is making me so paranoid.
Im so grateful to my GP and hospital for moving so quickly, the other half just feels terrified. 
Sorry for the long rambly post and thank you for reading, I just feel like Im free falling right now x

  • in reply to TM1

    Hello TM1

    Just wanted to let you know that I've emailed you regarding this issue. Thank you for flagging. 

    Best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator 

  • Offline in reply to Fiadh

    Hi Fiadh, aww please just take a moment and relax a little. It's a scary time and we all know how this feels, the waiting. It's the worse bit, head all over the place and the if's and why me etc. Think about today, just from experience I know, like you, how I was...baby steps. Wishing you lots of luck and we are here for you on here. Xx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    Aww thanks sweet, had a lovely power walk, it's a mild enough evening here, I had too many layers on so was sweating when I got in. He's curled up now on sofa lol. Xxx

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Jenn

    Thank you I've seen it and replied. Appreciate it x

  • Offline in reply to Fiadh

    Hi Fiadh,

    A very warm welcome to our forum.

    The wait for results is one of the most stressful times of our cancer journey. Irrespective of the outcome, you'll feel better once you know what you're facing. I lost my mum to secondary breast cancer, before I was diagnosed. Treatments have improved tremendously in the interim. I had 2 bouts within a year and had a lumpectomy, followed by a double mastectomy. That was all 14 years ago and I still lead a busy and fulfilling life.

    I am so sorry to hear that your husband is currently living with cancer. I shall be thinking of you on Thursday and I sincerely hope that the doctor is mistaken. Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

  • Offline in reply to TM1

    I've got an appointment in a week's time. Feeling a bit calmer. I think I've made my boob sore from pressing hoping it's gone away. I've seen my referral. The doctor has said there were two axillary lumps as well which I had brushed off in my head as I hadn't noticed them myself until shown and I'm still young enough for my breasts to be a bit lumpy at times. I feel a bit silly really. 60-80% are benign. It's just reminded me how important it is to stay healthy and put it in my head how much my kids need me.

  • Offline in reply to Lyns21

    Hiya, aww glad your feeling a bit calmer hun, and now you've got your appointment just try and focus on the day to day stuff until then. Don't feel silly, it's ok, I still can't touch my surgery area as it still feels tender/bumpy and makes me feel funny. I had my flu jab booked so off I went today, I literally broke down when the pharmacist asked if I was all well and healthy! He was so understanding and lovely to me, still gave me an ache of an arm after the jab lol. Stay strong and focused hun, we all here for you. Xx

  • Offline in reply to Kwoody

    Hi lovely, good luck for tomorrow, be thinking of you..x

  • Offline in reply to RedRuth84

    Hiya....how you doing? I'm having a rubbish night, non stop crying. Went for flu jab and the pharmacist only asked was I fit and healthy....that was it, not stopped blubbering since....xx

  • Offline in reply to TM1

    it's often something little that sets me off when I'm reminded about my partner. I hope you feel better after a rest. It is late and emotions tend to stay high when we need sleep. It must be really hard to have to put phrases like that into context.

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