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Waiting on breast biopsy results - heads a mess

Rambleon88
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Hello everyone.

Ive never really posted on anything like this before but I just feel so lost and scared right now I thought Id see if there is anyone else out there feeling the same. 
Im 36, beautiful son and hubby. Couple of weeks ago was doing my fake tan, noticed just the slightest of dips in my left breast (bottom outer corner). I was due on my cycle so left it a few days encase it was something related and when it didnt go I made an appointment with my GP. They couldn't feel anything but made a referral to the breast clinic based on asymmetrical breasts. 
So I head to the clinic, consultant has a feel and agrees on the dip and can feel a lump underneath it. This then leads them to book me in as urgent for the following day but for a biopsy, mammograms and so on. So I have the mammograms done, they take multiple images. Wait again to head into the consultation room with 2 student nurses, the consultant, a Ultrasound tech and a nurse. They start talking about the lump and identify another one but at this point Im a bit numb and not really taking it all in. I have the biopsies done and then the consultant speaks to me, here is where Im upset at myself as I cant remember the exact wording (my head was and is a mess) but something along the lines of “Concerned” or “Suspecting” malignancy. It was all so fast though. I had titanium chips popped in over the two lumps tested then sent back out for another mammogram to confirm their placement and booking me in for an MRI. During the last mammogram I felt so stupid, I was almost literally frozen as every muscle was so tense and I just couldn't stop trembling. The poor technician was trying to get me to relax but I just couldn’t 
I feel so lost, so scared and to be honest completely blindsided and I don't know if Im just being a big baby or if this is a normal reaction to it all. Has anyone experienced something similar and its come back as benign? Im praying it comes back benign but their reaction and way they are speaking has made me feel like they already know it’s cancer. Then I spiral thinking oh god what if its spread already? And the littlest pain anywhere is making me so paranoid.
Im so grateful to my GP and hospital for moving so quickly, the other half just feels terrified. 
Sorry for the long rambly post and thank you for reading, I just feel like Im free falling right now x

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    Don't worry the PICC line shouldn't be sore. They do give you local anaesthetic but they said my veins are really smaller so they kept hitting problems and nerves so it was sore for me. Hopefully though you won't have a problem. It's fine now expect the ends are long. 

    I'm on 3 rounds of EC. So 1 infusion every 21 days and then 3 rounds of Docetaxel with the rounds every 21 days and then radiotherapy as I had a lumpectomy. 

    Yeah I think the what ifs are the big issue. There's so much to consider. Mine is a no brainer at 15% benefit. Everyone at the chemo unit was brilliant and very friendly yesterday. It's very chilled. 

    I have PCOS so my hormones are all over the place anyway  maybe that's why I got some benefit to tamoxifen - who knows. Xx 

  • Offline in reply to RedRuth84

    Awe Im glad the atmosphere there is chilled, that in itself makes a huge difference. How long from your oncology meeting to starting chemo was it for you? I doubt we will end up in the same chemo month chats that are out there unless referral to starting treatment goes really quickly for me but keep me posted on how you get on lovely. Just messaging on here has made my anxiety a little less so thank you. 
    Are you giving cold capping a go? Xxx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    2 weeks and 1 day from the consultant meeting to starting.  I'm not doing any other chats. Just the Younger Women Together group from Breast Cancer Now. Which is also brilliant group support. They are all a bit further on that me so I've had a few hints and tips from them.

    I decided against cold capping. I can't stand the cold and I have borderline Raynauds Syndrome and all the extra time and faff I didn't want to bother with. I just keep telling myself it's temporary. And especially with the outcomes I've heard of it was the right decision for me. Xx

  • Offline in reply to RedRuth84

    Hi    ladies, just reading your posts....I'm emotional this week, Friday when I get results from operation. I'm back at work, this is second week in....took me til now to catch up with everything! I'm dreading Friday, it is a roller coaster of emotions. Pain is much better today, amitriptolene from doctors helped so much...still taking it as its definitely helping me sleep to as I was struggling with that as well..  I'll let you know how I get on xx

  • Offline in reply to RedRuth84

    2 weeks! crickey thats not long to wait! 
    I hope it all goes well lovely, its a big decision but its one of those “the only way out is through” situations I think. Im here if you need to chat and will share any tips I hear.

    Im tempted to give cold caping a go but then part of me just feels like it may be a lot of faff and the results arent a given, may get my eyebrows microbladed though as all I went through my teens/early 20s drawing on my brows and even with all those years experience I was absolutely rubbish at drawing them on. Il see what my BN and Oncologist says.

    Your right this is temporary “this too shall pass” as they say xxx

  • Offline in reply to TM1

    Oh lovely Ive been thinking of you. 
    Im so glad your in less pain and sleeping well, that will help you no-end. I just wish I could give you a hug because its a lot when waiting to get your surgical results. I found it was like a slightly less intense “Biopsy limbo” but still incredibly difficult. 
    keep us posted, you arent alone xxx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    Thank you hun, means a lot....same here so sending hugs back your way xxxxx

  • Offline in reply to TM1

    I really hope you get good news on Friday   Do let us know how you get on.  I'm glad the pain is much better now. Being mostly pain free and being able to sleep is really important for healing but also psychologically. Im sure work is a struggle. There's no way I'd be able to do my job at the moment. Its too risky. It wouldnt be fair on me, my clients or my colleagues. So I really admire you going back to work so soon . Xx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    Yes this is definitely my mantra. It worked with the kids so it will work here lol. 

    Lots do get microwaving done. I didn't personally. Not great with needles still. 

    I'm considering now booking the hairdresser to shave all my hair short. Probably need to get on and take the plunge. Goes somewhere around day 14-18. But I've lost loads recently anyway. Probably the stress of it all. Xx

  • Offline in reply to RedRuth84

    Thank you so much, well I felt I had to go back after they put me on SSP and then the financial side of things takes its toll, it was too much to bear, so I went back last week in September and a day before my birthday. I didn't mention it was my birthday at work I just let the day go as I wasn't in the mood  if that makes sense, I felt like the new girl all over again....yes of course I'll let you know. You stay strong and same for Rambleon88 xx

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