Waiting on breast biopsy results - heads a mess

Hello everyone.

Ive never really posted on anything like this before but I just feel so lost and scared right now I thought Id see if there is anyone else out there feeling the same. 
Im 36, beautiful son and hubby. Couple of weeks ago was doing my fake tan, noticed just the slightest of dips in my left breast (bottom outer corner). I was due on my cycle so left it a few days encase it was something related and when it didnt go I made an appointment with my GP. They couldn't feel anything but made a referral to the breast clinic based on asymmetrical breasts. 
So I head to the clinic, consultant has a feel and agrees on the dip and can feel a lump underneath it. This then leads them to book me in as urgent for the following day but for a biopsy, mammograms and so on. So I have the mammograms done, they take multiple images. Wait again to head into the consultation room with 2 student nurses, the consultant, a Ultrasound tech and a nurse. They start talking about the lump and identify another one but at this point Im a bit numb and not really taking it all in. I have the biopsies done and then the consultant speaks to me, here is where Im upset at myself as I cant remember the exact wording (my head was and is a mess) but something along the lines of “Concerned” or “Suspecting” malignancy. It was all so fast though. I had titanium chips popped in over the two lumps tested then sent back out for another mammogram to confirm their placement and booking me in for an MRI. During the last mammogram I felt so stupid, I was almost literally frozen as every muscle was so tense and I just couldn't stop trembling. The poor technician was trying to get me to relax but I just couldn’t 
I feel so lost, so scared and to be honest completely blindsided and I don't know if Im just being a big baby or if this is a normal reaction to it all. Has anyone experienced something similar and its come back as benign? Im praying it comes back benign but their reaction and way they are speaking has made me feel like they already know it’s cancer. Then I spiral thinking oh god what if its spread already? And the littlest pain anywhere is making me so paranoid.
Im so grateful to my GP and hospital for moving so quickly, the other half just feels terrified. 
Sorry for the long rambly post and thank you for reading, I just feel like Im free falling right now x

  • Offline in reply to TM1

    Honestly that's awful. What is the next step in your treatment plan? Don't forget it can change. 

    My surgeon said no work for at least 4 weeks and I'm signed off for 2 more months now due to chemo and that's likely to be extended. Chemo was not in my initial MDT recommendation.

    The Breast Cancer Now seminar I did said phased return over a long time is required due to fatigue and you need to under promise not over promise as that can lead to further time off.

    Also going back too early will affect your Bradford score if you have more time off.  Your need to go to your HR and give them.a realistic appraisal of this. 

    Hope you are doing OK. 

  • I'm OK I suppose but like I said spending time worrying. It knocked me sideways that's for sure. I've had tons of get well messages and window sill looks like a florist at the moment BUT nothing from work, not even a get well card (not that I'm desperate for one) but there's no support whatsoever. Didn't sleep well last night, some nights better than others. Glad you are hanging in there to, it's not easy is it....gonna go and make myself look half decent lol xxxx

  • Offline in reply to RedRuth84

    Hi hun, well my next appointment is 4th October where I get final results and after talking to my breast care nurse she is of the opinion I'll have radiotherapy because lumpectomy and radiotherapy go hand in hand. There is no HR department hun, its a small company but with a large client base. I've read 4 to six weeks is standard...there's no compassion whatsoever just clearly don't care or understand the situation. When I got diagnosed and I went back in, no mention of it whatsoever, like it wasn't happening:-(. Done my morning exercises and arm is aching now....I'll be ringing doctors tomorrow and get another sick note..how are you doing, hope you get through chemo OK lovely, thinking of you xxx

  • Oh lovely dont give them second though in your work and definitely dont let them make you feel like you have to be back before your ready.  is spot on, treatment plans can change and your better off in the long run taking the time you need than going back then taking time off again. Im lucky my work has been understanding but then my workplace is so unstable Im not even sure if I have much of a job to go back to! Xx

  • Offline in reply to TM1

    Hi just read your post and I find it unbelievable that they are trying to get you back into work so soon and no caring attitude or empathy ,even when I had a knee replacement the time off was supposed to be 2 weeks to 12 weeks ,I was actually off 20 weeks because everyone heals differently and only you can say how long you need ,its a shame you don't have an occupational therapist  because they would have helped, they helped me lots when they started getting on my case , it takes as long as it takes for you physically and emotionally as well , don't be rushed its your health .

  • Offline in reply to TM1

    Yes a lumpectomy and radiotherapy do go hand in hand. That was my plan too. Hopefully that's all you'll need. Mine is apparently more aggressive than they thought so hence the chemo. It's not too long until 4th October now. Let us know how you get on. 

    You'll have to have a frank conversation with your boss. Radiotherapy itself is exhausting and causes fatigue. It's daily for 3 or more weeks. My sister in law is a GP and suggests being off until after radiotherapy and a bit more time to recover. 

    This recovery isn't linear and there are good days and bad. Xx

  • Offline in reply to Jenny3109

    Hi Jenny, you are so right! Everyone is different, no one knows until they are in this situation. I certainly don't want to be rushed x

  • Offline in reply to RedRuth84

    That's right it isn't linear and I'm certainly not taking the *** being off, just getting a good night's sleep is all I want at the moment. Frank conversation with the boss, dreading that, she'll talk over me as always and I won't be able to get a word in....I'll keep you posted, thanks ladies for your support xxx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    Hi, how are you doing? I've been off all week and planned to go back to work from Monday...still getting nerve pain which has been horrible at times..  got appointment at my doctors in a bit, see what he says...xx

  • Offline in reply to TM1

    Hello lovely!! Awe hon have they given you anything for the nerve pain? Hope your feeling better soon, what yourself and all of us have gone through is a big deal physically and emotionally, I know you have mentioned your employer arent the most empathetic bunch to say the least, if you can in any way avoid it please dont feel pressured to go back until your ready! 

    Im doing okay and healing well, had my post surgical meeting today and my bandages off. Big long scar but its neat and tidy and healed up well. I had my pathology in, the 5 sentinel LN my surgeon took during surgery all came back negative!! It came back as stage 2a, grade 2. The Oncologist on my MDT feels I should have chemotherapy due to my age so waiting to have a meeting with them to discuss it further and see what they think, because Im medically in a grey area in terms of true benefit of chemo they have put the ball in my court but I think Im leaning towards it. After chemo its tamoxifen for 10 years then. Xxx