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Waiting on breast biopsy results - heads a mess

Rambleon88
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Hello everyone.

Ive never really posted on anything like this before but I just feel so lost and scared right now I thought Id see if there is anyone else out there feeling the same. 
Im 36, beautiful son and hubby. Couple of weeks ago was doing my fake tan, noticed just the slightest of dips in my left breast (bottom outer corner). I was due on my cycle so left it a few days encase it was something related and when it didnt go I made an appointment with my GP. They couldn't feel anything but made a referral to the breast clinic based on asymmetrical breasts. 
So I head to the clinic, consultant has a feel and agrees on the dip and can feel a lump underneath it. This then leads them to book me in as urgent for the following day but for a biopsy, mammograms and so on. So I have the mammograms done, they take multiple images. Wait again to head into the consultation room with 2 student nurses, the consultant, a Ultrasound tech and a nurse. They start talking about the lump and identify another one but at this point Im a bit numb and not really taking it all in. I have the biopsies done and then the consultant speaks to me, here is where Im upset at myself as I cant remember the exact wording (my head was and is a mess) but something along the lines of “Concerned” or “Suspecting” malignancy. It was all so fast though. I had titanium chips popped in over the two lumps tested then sent back out for another mammogram to confirm their placement and booking me in for an MRI. During the last mammogram I felt so stupid, I was almost literally frozen as every muscle was so tense and I just couldn't stop trembling. The poor technician was trying to get me to relax but I just couldn’t 
I feel so lost, so scared and to be honest completely blindsided and I don't know if Im just being a big baby or if this is a normal reaction to it all. Has anyone experienced something similar and its come back as benign? Im praying it comes back benign but their reaction and way they are speaking has made me feel like they already know it’s cancer. Then I spiral thinking oh god what if its spread already? And the littlest pain anywhere is making me so paranoid.
Im so grateful to my GP and hospital for moving so quickly, the other half just feels terrified. 
Sorry for the long rambly post and thank you for reading, I just feel like Im free falling right now x

  • Offline in reply to RedRuth84

    Thank you, again means so much and fully appreciate it...not a lovely look are they lol, under joggers it will have to be...definitely rest just do exercises they have given me..xxx

  • Offline in reply to TM1

    So glad the zip up hoodies worked out well for you! Ive got mine drying on the line now ready to go into my hospital bag just encase I end up having to stay over night (Hope I dont though!). How are you feeling this morning lovely? Hope your okay xxx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    Morning   well I slept OK, on my right side with our new pillow under my left arm. Done my first lot of exercises to, felt pulling sensation at times and tad uncomfortable. I do have to be careful though. Got to remember deep breaths every hour as well, keep lungs clear. Still in my dressing gown lol...I was very emotional last night but my neighbour who's a nurse said that was normal after an operation...think it's a sink wash and hair up day today. Both of you have a nice weekend and without being on here I don't think I'd of got through the same...thank you ladies xxxx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    Morning hun, message below sweet xxx

  • Offline in reply to TM1

    Oh lovely Im not surprised you were emotional.  The whole thing from the flagging of a concern to the biopsy then diagnosis to surgery is pretty traumatic. Having that emotional release after having gotten through one big step in it Id have said is expected. Be kind to yourself lovely. Here any time you need hon! Xxx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    I do hope you go theatre early hun, they told me I was going after 1pm, so sent other half off to get a breakfast from the cantine. When he came back I was then told to get changed into the lovely gowns and by 11am I was taken to theatre, partner walked so far with me...by 11.45 I was in THE room, again after several checks that was to make sure who I was...giggling at that now...everyone and I mean everyone was just so lovely. My nerves kicked in again and crying but it didn't matter they were lovely and understanding. Most of the time up to the operation we were in a waiting room and only on a ward after the operation. Xxx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    Same here hun, just shout out I'll be here xxx

  • Offline in reply to TM1

    I hope so too to be honest Im okay in moments and then it really is just like a wave of fear washed over me. I sort of joked around with them like “Il happily take sedation before it I wont mind” seriously would take it in a heartbeat though :-D! The surgeon said he will try and get to me first so fingers crossed. Xx

  • Offline in reply to Rambleon88

    Try not think about it now until the day, I did that albeit I had my moments. Have a lovely tea the night before and get an early night. On the day, when we pulled up in the car park I said I wanted to go home, I got a slight ticking off lol, bloody nervous xxx

  • Offline in reply to TM1

    It's been a lovely place to get support. I've also got a lot from my Breast Cancer Now Younger Women Together group. 

    Of course you'll be up and down. I still am. The rage I felt after the *** up with my oncotype results was like nothing else I've ever felt. I didn't sleep well all that weekend. 

    But now whilst I'm still waiting for results at least I now know they should be back by mid next week and when I get home. 

    Rest up. Do the exercises (take pain meds first an hour before is my recommendation).  I didn't have a shower for about 2 weeks. Lots of sink washes and trips to the hairdresser for hair washes as my husband wouldn't have managed not to soak my dressings over the bath/sink. Xx

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