So I posted anonymously on a local woman's community page. I posted about my concerns and a lady who actually runs the clinic reached out. I messaged her and explained my concerns. She was really lovely. She kindly looked at my images from previous scan and basically said she can’t be 100% but she feels reassured by the images I have a fibroadenoma but to possibly expect a biopsy tomorrow as it common practise as I’m 32. I hope it turns out well girls  how is everyone? Xx

Hello lovely. Im so pleased this lovely lady has managed to give you some reassurance. Please take in her words and know that we are all here for you... You are stronger than you think and you can do this. Sending hugs xxx

Thank you danni. I’m so happy for you that today went well. The best news

 I’m just constantly crying. I don’t even think it’s just the breast issue I think I’m genuinely mentally unwell at the mo. I can’t get this fear of loosing my family out of my head. Mum had a text from her docs saying they saw a small polyp on her gallbladder that appears benign and will monitor in 6 months. Well my head is telling me what if it changes. Upon reading apparently 95% are benign but of course I’m thinking of the 5%. I’m also giving myself a hard time about being scared about my appointment when my mum was so strong when she was waiting for her breast clinic. I sound nuts I know I do but I feel scared all the time. There was a car crash recently and I had a panic thinking it was my sister and bombarded her with calls and she was absolutely fine. This fear is debilitating. I’m sorry to sound so miserable when you’ve had the most amazing news. Xxx

So sorry to hear how difficult it is at the moment. Have you ever spoken to anyone not work through it? I see a lovely psychotherapist and whilst I don’t pretend I’m cured (lol) it does help to off load. I mainly see her as I have adopted children who are very complex and I needed a space to get rid of some stress but we do talk about my health anxiety and ocd too. The intrusive thoughts you get sound like OCD, it might be worth getting a referral, I think you can refer yourself actually, to try and work through your fears around your family but it is very understandable with the stress from your mum. It sounds like from the other lady you spoke to that tomorrow will be positive. I really hope so xx

I’ve been referred to the community mental health now who are calling me on the 18th. Hopefully they will sort some therapy for me. Wow your superwoman! What an amazing thing you do adopting. I’m pleased your getting support to work through stuff.  I must say I agree I think I have ocd too. I’m forever finding something to fixate on and when that ends something else comes up. I get compulsive too with the checking with my health. I silently feel more reassured but the monster in my head can’t help it’s self. I’m sure all Well with your kidneys. It may be that your very anxious and this can cause all sorts of issues with psychical sensations. Are you eating and drinking properly? Xxx

Fantastic I’m so pleased someone is calling you. OCD is an awful, frustrating condition; particularly with health concerns. With me I have so much stress and then a tiny thing tips me over the edge. My stress nearly always comes out in health issues or health worries. I do genuinely get lots of random things wrong with me but I think the stress causes a lot of them. Thanks lovely, I don’t feel like a super hero lol, it’s so so hard. So stressful. To be fair my therapist lady did say to me that with a cancer scare it’s completely understandable to be on Google and scared. She said just try to not catastrophise - so what do I do - exactly that lol. This chat we have going is keeping me sane. 
yes eating and drinking ok, I had Covid about three weeks ago and it started on day 1 with extreme thirst snd has never left me. Very strange! Hope you sleep tonight, just think this time tomorrow you will hopefully be in a better place xx

You are amazing please remember that. I know I don’t know you but I’m starting too and from the things you have discussed you sound incredible. I think your stronger than you know. Oh yes I love to catastrophise that words mentioned a fair few times years ago in cbt therapy. I always remember in my session the therapist saying when we have anxiety we see things in either black or white there’s no shade of grey in between. It’s so true isn’t it!  Your body may still be recovering from covid! It knocks you about. How’s your boobies? Do they feel less sore? Thank you for your positive thoughts on tomorrow. I hope and pray it’s all ok. I think they will biopsy by the sounds of it but hopefully I can get the jist of the problem which hopefully is as innocent as people have explained xx

This all sounds so familiar to me. Ive had crippling health anxiety and mental health issues since mum died. She was so sick and i saw it all. I think one minute im 'cured'..when i have good or positive days ir a spring in my step but then freeze.. cant get my coat off, physically talk, cry, lose appetite, fear everything thing, thought, feeling, others, my pets passing. Had all the therapy, Cbt, meds, counselling i could and then something triggers the cycle all over again. Having covid four times i worry has affected my brain (really!!) , my lungs, my blood, everything. And then boom. Im ok again fir a few days. I wanted to think perimenopause was the cause of it all.. in my job, Im an actress, nurse, counsellor, everything for the young children and to be honest, they are sometimes my therapy! 

I guess what Im trying to say is, there's nothing to feel bad about...you are riding this very stressful journey (life!) And i just get an intuitive feeling that you are an amazing, strong soul with the biggest heart. You care so much for others, that it's no wonder you are petrified of losing them! Sometimes i know all too well, that it feels like you're fighting a losing battle. You deserve everything good coming your way...hang on to the positives and know you can get through this. 

I honestly couldn't have coped without this chat. You girls have kept me going...and youll never know how grateful I am for that. Its a scary world. So, thank you xxx

Danni you’ve set me off! Thank you so much for your kind words. All I want in life is the people I love to be happy and healthy and it really upsets me that we don’t have much control in life and how things change. I can’t seem to process this sometimes. Maybe it’s a trauma thing because you want to cling on to happy times. You are a truly remarkable woman too danni. Like bubbles I don’t know you but can sense you are a kind, sensitive soul, with a big heart. I think we’ve been drawn to each other for a reason! I will update you tomorrow about the clinic. Feeling uneasy about potentially having that biopsy but eh if they can at least reassure me they agree it all seems innocent it will calm me to an extent xxx

I’ve always needed reassurance that everything is ok and things are fine. It’s difficult when your programmed like that because sometimes you can’t get guarantees. That makes the cycle worse.  You’d think at 32 I’d somewhat at least have my *** together by now but far from it lol xx

I’ve always needed reassurance that everything is ok and things are fine. It’s difficult when your programmed like that because sometimes you can’t get guarantees. That makes the cycle worse.  You’d think at 32 I’d somewhat at least have my *** together by now but far from it lol xx