So sorry to hear how difficult it is at the moment. Have you ever spoken to anyone not work through it? I see a lovely psychotherapist and whilst I don’t pretend I’m cured (lol) it does help to off load. I mainly see her as I have adopted children who are very complex and I needed a space to get rid of some stress but we do talk about my health anxiety and ocd too. The intrusive thoughts you get sound like OCD, it might be worth getting a referral, I think you can refer yourself actually, to try and work through your fears around your family but it is very understandable with the stress from your mum. It sounds like from the other lady you spoke to that tomorrow will be positive. I really hope so xx

Currently thinking I have a kidney problem as constantly dehydrated . I’ve kept so busy all day and now it catches up with me, I’m trying so hard to not take this stress to bed at night but I must admit, I’m not getting much else done! X

I’ve been referred to the community mental health now who are calling me on the 18th. Hopefully they will sort some therapy for me. Wow your superwoman! What an amazing thing you do adopting. I’m pleased your getting support to work through stuff.  I must say I agree I think I have ocd too. I’m forever finding something to fixate on and when that ends something else comes up. I get compulsive too with the checking with my health. I silently feel more reassured but the monster in my head can’t help it’s self. I’m sure all Well with your kidneys. It may be that your very anxious and this can cause all sorts of issues with psychical sensations. Are you eating and drinking properly? Xxx

Fantastic I’m so pleased someone is calling you. OCD is an awful, frustrating condition; particularly with health concerns. With me I have so much stress and then a tiny thing tips me over the edge. My stress nearly always comes out in health issues or health worries. I do genuinely get lots of random things wrong with me but I think the stress causes a lot of them. Thanks lovely, I don’t feel like a super hero lol, it’s so so hard. So stressful. To be fair my therapist lady did say to me that with a cancer scare it’s completely understandable to be on Google and scared. She said just try to not catastrophise - so what do I do - exactly that lol. This chat we have going is keeping me sane. 
yes eating and drinking ok, I had Covid about three weeks ago and it started on day 1 with extreme thirst snd has never left me. Very strange! Hope you sleep tonight, just think this time tomorrow you will hopefully be in a better place xx

You are amazing please remember that. I know I don’t know you but I’m starting too and from the things you have discussed you sound incredible. I think your stronger than you know. Oh yes I love to catastrophise that words mentioned a fair few times years ago in cbt therapy. I always remember in my session the therapist saying when we have anxiety we see things in either black or white there’s no shade of grey in between. It’s so true isn’t it!  Your body may still be recovering from covid! It knocks you about. How’s your boobies? Do they feel less sore? Thank you for your positive thoughts on tomorrow. I hope and pray it’s all ok. I think they will biopsy by the sounds of it but hopefully I can get the jist of the problem which hopefully is as innocent as people have explained xx

This all sounds so familiar to me. Ive had crippling health anxiety and mental health issues since mum died. She was so sick and i saw it all. I think one minute im 'cured'..when i have good or positive days ir a spring in my step but then freeze.. cant get my coat off, physically talk, cry, lose appetite, fear everything thing, thought, feeling, others, my pets passing. Had all the therapy, Cbt, meds, counselling i could and then something triggers the cycle all over again. Having covid four times i worry has affected my brain (really!!) , my lungs, my blood, everything. And then boom. Im ok again fir a few days. I wanted to think perimenopause was the cause of it all.. in my job, Im an actress, nurse, counsellor, everything for the young children and to be honest, they are sometimes my therapy! 

I guess what Im trying to say is, there's nothing to feel bad about...you are riding this very stressful journey (life!) And i just get an intuitive feeling that you are an amazing, strong soul with the biggest heart. You care so much for others, that it's no wonder you are petrified of losing them! Sometimes i know all too well, that it feels like you're fighting a losing battle. You deserve everything good coming your way...hang on to the positives and know you can get through this. 

I honestly couldn't have coped without this chat. You girls have kept me going...and youll never know how grateful I am for that. Its a scary world. So, thank you xxx

Danni you’ve set me off! Thank you so much for your kind words. All I want in life is the people I love to be happy and healthy and it really upsets me that we don’t have much control in life and how things change. I can’t seem to process this sometimes. Maybe it’s a trauma thing because you want to cling on to happy times. You are a truly remarkable woman too danni. Like bubbles I don’t know you but can sense you are a kind, sensitive soul, with a big heart. I think we’ve been drawn to each other for a reason! I will update you tomorrow about the clinic. Feeling uneasy about potentially having that biopsy but eh if they can at least reassure me they agree it all seems innocent it will calm me to an extent xxx

I felt this too, Bubbles! Another thing i thought was going to make me really ill but had an ultrasound and bloods amd all ok until my bloods said my potassium was high..bring in doctor Google and overnight i decided i was going to have kidney or heart failure from too many potatoes (really!).. i loaded a bag of potatoes, spinach, bananas and chips and gave them all to my sister! I had repeated bloods and the nurse told me that this was happening a lot and that the results can be affected by the sample being shaken too much, temperature of the van transporting bloods to the hospital to be tested, even taking the band off you arm after too long when they're taking your bloods!

All came back perfectly normal the second time. 

I think the only thing reassuring me was the patience of my doctor and having my bloods done. Im certain of you're worried about your dehydration/ kidneys.. reach out to your doctor and explain.. sometimes asking for bloods can be good, especially if you are very anxious.

Im hoping you have a wonderful GP.

Big hugs and hope you're ok.

As I said to Nhj, i honestly could not have pushed through the last few days without this line of chat with you lovely, supportive people, so i really need to thank you sincerely. Ive honestly never felt so validated, so thank you. You've all been a lifeline..and im still worried! Xx

I’ve always needed reassurance that everything is ok and things are fine. It’s difficult when your programmed like that because sometimes you can’t get guarantees. That makes the cycle worse.  You’d think at 32 I’d somewhat at least have my *** together by now but far from it lol xx