Suspected breast cancer with 3 babies under 5

I am in utter turmoil. I have a 5 year old a 3 year old and a 5 month old whom I am still breast feeding. I have been referred urgently to the breast clinic. I have dimpling and thickening and my nipple is starting to pull inwards.

I am scared I am 38 and have babies who need me being sick isn’t an option. My appointment is on Saturday at first I thought I’m sure it’s nothing but now I’ve read all the symptoms looked at pictures I fear the worst.

From what I have read it looks like IBC which might have already spread. I feel sick, and I can’t stop crying and thinking I’m going to die.

Anyone else with young children been through this? Please help me xx

  • Hi KM39

    I would like to offer you some support and let you know it is possible to get through this with three young children. I was diagnosed 5 years ago when I was 39 and had only given birth to my youngest a month earlier. The other two were 2 and 4. I was lucky in that it was caught early and I only needed a mastectomy so I was not out of action for too long. I was also breastfeeding at the time of my diagnosis. I thought I would be able to continue feeding my baby using my healthy breast but my consultant asked me to stop completely ahead of the surgery - I don’t really know if this was necessary and would explore your options if you’re faced with the same. I’ve been on tamoxifen since my surgery and aside from night sweats initially have had little side effects. 

    Hoping that for you it turns out to be nothing but if it is something wishing you lots of strength. Do you have a husband/partner/family who can support you?

  • Thank you so much for your message. Can I ask what your symptoms were? I don’t have an obvious lump it’s more a dent in the side which is only noticeable when I lift my arm up the top is very thinkened and my nipple has started to pull in.

    glad you got it early and it is good to hear that you got through it. I’m so scared that it might not be early so many things going through my head. I cry every time I look at my children. This has been the longest week of my life waiting for an appointment.

    I have a husband my mum and dad live around the corner but my dad has dementia. 

    i really hope it is nothing but I am so scared I have just got to a point in my life where I am so happy and have the perfect family 

  • I know how you feel in terms of everything being perfect and suddenly there’s this big worry and you feel it’s all being snatched away from you. After my diagnosis I was scared to plan ahead and whenever there was a special occasion I thought is this my last birthday  / Christmas/ etc. I think the scariest time is not knowing. Once you have a diagnosis and treatment plan things become better. But hopefully for you your appointment will rule things out. 

    My symptoms were different. I had a lump which I felt when I was breastfeeding my baby so unfortunately can’t offer advice on your symptoms. But I do know that breast changes can have many causes so have my fingers crossed for you. i know it’s easy to say don’t google / don’t worry, we all do it, but I feel for every ailment Google will tell you it’s cancer but often it’s something much less serious. 

    When I worry I try to do something that takes my mind off things and gives me joy. For me this is going out for a walk in the countryside. While waiting for the outcomes of numerous tests following diagnosis but prior to surgery I went walking daily. Maybe spending tomorrow doing something you enjoy will help you too. 

    I’m glad to hear you have a support network around you should you need it. Wishing you much luck on Saturday and here to try to answer any other questions you may have. 

  • Hi KM,

    I can relate to your worry so much. I found a lump and was diagnosed with breast cancer in June of this year. I have two babies under 5 so I felt exactly the same. I had no idea how I was going to manage it all as I am their main caregiver. 

    My lump was caught early though at Stage 1, so I was very lucky in the fact that I didn’t need chemo and treatment has been ok (just finished radiotherapy). But I did need my mum and husband to step up a bit in terms of what they did for me / the kids but it’s definitely been doable without the kids being affected too much. 
    Can I ask whether you have good support around you? 

    Please try not to panic and look into symptoms too much ( I know it’s impossible not to because I did too but there is still a chance this might not be cancer). But I promise you if it is, you will get through this. Us mums have no choice and I found the craziness of the kids really helped to keep me busy during certain points. 

    This period in limbo waiting is honestly the worst. 

    Really hope you’re ok xxx

  • Thank you so much for your message it’s nice to know and hear about others that have made it through. I’ve kept myself busy today it’s been in my mind a lot but I’ve not googled anything and gone down a rabbit hole. Whatever happens I’m just going to have to fight x x 

  • Hi KM 39,

    A very warm welcome to our forum. 

    I am sorry to hear about your anxiety. This is only natural and is how we all tend to feel when we are waiting to be seen. Our over-active imaginations don't help either, as they tend to take us to all sorts of dark places. Crying copiously is also normal, along with all sorts of emotional turmoil. Don't worry about shedding all of those tears. Crying is a good stress reliever. I know that it's hard to stay away from google, but we always advise people to stay away from it at this stage. It tends to concentrate on the more spectacular cases. This only serves to frighten us more and doesn't give us any answers.

    I felt exactly as you do when I was first diagnosed. I had another bout the following year. That was all 14 years ago and I still lead a busy and fulfilling life - I'm sure that you will too. I shall be thinking of you on Saturday and I sincerely hope that nothing untoward is found. 

    Please keep in touch and let us know how you  get on.  We are always here for you.

    Kind regards,   

    Jolamine xx

  • Glad you got through today ok. Wishing you all the best for tomorrow! 

  • HI KM39,

    I shall be thinking of you tomorrow and hope that all goes well.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

  • I am wishing you all the best. I understand how scared you are and how you must be feeling.

    Just wanted you to know you are not alone, everyone on here have offered such great advise also.